Your best break up stories...

The usual fare:

I cant live without you
I love you
I'll kill myself
I don't care if you have someone else
You can have me and my friend too
Rampant sobbing
Grabbing my pant-leg as I try to leave
Copious telephone calls and letters

What do you say to "I'll kill myself?"

I would call the cops from my cell phone while walking out to my car.

You'll come back! In six months you'll see that I was better than anyone else..
then you'll come crawling back!

Six months later he got the surprise of his life - I still was gone!

Wouldn't we surprise everyone if we got engaged? That said by a dude who I was breaking up with (he had already suggested we see other people and -- surprise! -- I had called his bluff and taken him up on the deal), who had before told me that he was a great catch. Allrighty then.

I've never said much when they've threatened to off themselves, I figured either they would or wouldn't, let the chips fall where they may.

I not a fan of being blackmailed by guilt!

I was breaking up with my ex and he was trying to talk me into staying and then he said "I'll take you back but I can never trust you again"

Excuse me? I'm breaking up with YOU. I don't want back and by the way I'm leaving because you are the untrust worthy one...what a joke!

I think I've said this before too but my favorite response of my own (when a guy was breaking up with me) was to laugh in his face. Loudly. The expression on his face was so priceless. (Half WTF and half terrified...) (I don't remember exactly what set me off -- something about the sniveling cliched-ness about how he led up to it... and I think a little relief maybe.)

"If we break up, I will tell all of our friends it is really because YOU annoy ME."

I was sort of engaged to someone, but didn't want to get married immediately, as I was enjoying college where I was and didn't want to transfer to where this person was teaching. So we sort of deferred the engagement, or at least I thought that was the plan, but remained close, correspoding, etc. as we were in two different states.

Then the letters sort of petered out, which I didn't really pay much attention to, as I was busy and having fun, and then my mom called me and said, 'Guess who's getting married?'
I asked ,'Who?''
She said, 'Larry.'
I said, 'No he's not. What're you talking about?'
She said, 'Rebecca, I'm holding the wedding invitation in my hand.'
He sent it to my parent's house, inviting my whole family-instead of saying anything or even sending the invitation to me.

So I guess that's how he broke up with me. I broke up with him by calling him up and saying, 'Consider this my RSVP- 'No, I'm not coming to your ******* wedding.'

We hadn't seen each other in several months and he came to visit. And we fought and bickered from the moment he arrived. Finally I'd had it and invited him to pack his **** and get out of my house. He said, "If you were a man I'd kick your ass", to which I replied, "If I were a man, I would have kicked your ass three days ago."

That's a great reply....

I know. But for a few seconds, I really thought he might punch me out. He would have been a dead man. My daddy was still alive then.

One that hurts, though less now centuries later, is my first love who listened to his mother who said it wouldn't work, I was Catholic. (His parents were atheist jewish communists, no kidding).

She was wrong, heh, re that reason, but right in that we wouldn't have worked out. I didn't really want to climb the Himalayas..

I still regard him well re the bits I've read online, and he married the woman after me, who he'd met before me, a better fit and they're still (apparently) going strong many decades later.

I broke up with my ex over a year ago. She still drunk dials me to give me grief.

Usually, it's the

"I'm never going to get over you" bit. I'm at the point where I really don't care. I tried really hard to make that one work. I've got zero "what-ifs" about it.

T
K
O

yeah baby.

The night of a breakup, we were going into a restaurant. He whispered to me while waiting for a table, "sometimes I get so made at you I could hit you"

Me, whispering so softly most of the restaurant turned around to gawp at us "If you hit me, I will take one of these chairs and smash you over the ******* head."

------

This next one not a breakup story, but more of a "you mean we broke up?"

I was served one of those (what are they called, those legal things, saying you'r in some kind of ****?) sayng my ex-husband was going bankrupt and a lien was being put on MY house because of it. During the subsequent long distance conversation, I asked him what he thought I was supposed to do about the fact he was going bankrupt. He said "I guess you'll have to go bankrupt too", as if we were in this together.

I said "You do realize I've been married to someone else for x number of years, don't you?"

He didn't.

(that is, assuming you didn't lose your house)

Um, no funny ones, but definitely one disturbing one.
My ex boyfriend threw me in front of a car when we were drunk at a party, after having the 'we know we're gonna have to break-up chat.' Somehow I managed to scramble onto the pavement and tuck my arms and legs in so i didn't get run over. He then hurled more abuse at me all evening, which I ignored, and since he was my only lift home from this party which was miles away and so I stayed over and we left in the morning.
I then had to go round and have new years dinner with his and my family whilst pretending nothing had happened, told him it was DEFINITELY over, and he was really shocked! Don't know what planet that boy was living on. It was only the third time he'd been properly drunk.

On paper it sounds pretty horrific, but I wasn't upset because I'd wanted to break up with him for ages and had been kind of stupidly avoiding actually doing it, but that gave me a reason to put my foot down and never make contact with him again without feeling guilty.

Damn.

That's some crazy stuff right there.
K
O

"you just wait! i'm taking out all books on voodoo and black magic"

don't think that craft worked for him much... i've heard he can brew beer pretty well since then though. glad to help.