MONTANA TALK TO ME

So am I!

http://able2know.org/topic/128212-1

This link might be of interest to some regarding relationships and conflict. Feel free to drop on by now that the smoke and confusion (perhaps) has cleared.

Wonderful, Foxfyre.

(((((((( Montana ))))))))
Sorry I'm late. Though you probably wouldn't have been.

I didn't have time to read this and your other thread, but I did anyway out of concern for you, Montana. Two things: First and foremost; you were indeed born with a heart 2 sizes too big for your own good, but that's why so many of us here care so much about you. Don't ever feel bad, let alone apologize, for being as caring of a soul as you obviously are. It is your finest quality, and we love you for it.

Secondly, I feel compelled to offer my opinion on the FoW person as well... for whatever weight (if any) you do attach to my instincts. For starters, I'll give him (assuming it is actually a him) credit for coining the term "Setantrum." (That cracked me up.) What he did to you these last few days, however, is absolutely unforgivable... and if the Bear is unavailable to kick his ass, I'd be glad to fill in. Manipulating the feelings of someone as sweet as you is obscene and I’m sorry darlin but that is exactly what he did. There is no doubt in my mind that person is a fake, a troll, and a liar... and may very well be a danger to those he can actually touch.

You're a sweet lady, Montana, so whatever you do, please, don't ever let your guard down with that utter horror of an excuse for a human being.

Take care of you,

(((((((( Montana ))))))))

Ps. No chance Gus would ever behave so deplorably on his worst day, so Sglass had to be joking.

ditto

(((((((Bill))))))

What he did really wasn't that bad and it is not unforgivable to ME. I don't agree that he was manipulating my feelings either. In the political threads we were both involved in, he saw that I held my own quite well, so how could he possibly know how sensative I was in other situations?
With all of my own life experiences, I've learned to keep my guard up at all times.

I know that all of you here have seen the softer side of me because that's what I choose to bring here, but I have sides of me that you have yet to see. My life has been a very serious one, so I enjoy coming here to let my hair down and to let myself play and enjoy the company of the people here I hold dear to my heart, without having to put all kinds of thought into it.
I do have a very serious side in here as well, but that side is usually found in the political threads, which a lot of people tend to avoid.
Anyone who doesn't venture outside the political threads would consider me to be a strong and serious woman, most likely being surprised to see my soft side.
So, the moral of the story ((((Bill)))) is that I'm really not as SOFT as some may think

I know full well that Gus would never play that kind of game with me. He knows my soft side all to well and I know he would never hurt me.

Thank you for your concern and advice (((((Bill))))) and don't forget to take care of yourself

Just consider that FOW also has seen your sweet, loving and vulnerable side in those other threads.

I hope that you don't look at the concern that people have for you as meddling as I don't think that was their intent. Well, maybe some. Although I do think that they should just offer their concern and support rather than give unsolicited advice as if you were
unable to make decisions for yourself.

I hope you have a wonderful day.

Yes, I agree, but seeing that he's only been a member for less than a month, he obviously didn't know me that well.
I also take into consideration that he was being piled on at the same time we were trying to have a conversation.
I like to look at all angles of things and take everything into consideration.

Sweet and loving are words I don't take offense too Intrepid, but "vulnerable" is one that I do and it's because I'm not vulnerable.
Just because I see things in a different light than some, does not make me vulnerable, nor does being sweet and loving.
The word "vulnerable" says to me that you think I'm not emotionally strong enough to make the right choices, therefor, I'm insulted.
I truly don't understand what it is about this that some don't understand.

The words gullible and naive are words that absolutely make my blood boil because you might as well just tell me I'm stupid.
These three words all undermine the credability of whoever they are directed at, which is in turn IS insulting them.
I'm really surprised that I'm needing to explain this to people, to be totally honest with you.

Concern and advice are all welcome without insult as far as I'm concerned and I thank you for agreeing on that point.

I hope you have a wonderful day too (((((Intrepid)))))

To be fair to all the others though, what if they literally see you make a choice that they think is not right? For example, making the choice to interpret FOW as someone who is just misunderstood, rather than as someone who's manipulating you? Or choosing to want to keep talking to him, or to want him to come back here? I mean, if they truly believe that is the wrong choice, what are they supposed to say?

Well, I dunno, I guess my answer is more like what's in Ragman's new thread: let people make their own choices, whether mistaken or not, and just make sure to be there along the way to help them when they want or need you to help them. But others may lack that kind of ... I dunno, equanimity, or patience? I guess they could say, "I think you're emotionally strong enough to make the right choices in general, but right now it just doesn't seem like you're making them?" Well, that already sounds pretty paternalising to me ... but I mean, it's not the same as "we think you're stupid," and I do think most people here just meant that, and not "we think you're stupid."

Like, you deserve some credit, I mean we all know you so long, that you'll be able to look after yourself; but some of the people whose interventions, misguided or not, you're lashing out at in response also deserve some credit, or benefit of the doubt, that they are actually meaning well, and of course do not mean to say "you're stupid" - even if the phrases they use have come to feel like that to you.

{{A parenthesised P.S.


Just to belabor the obvious (before anyone points it out ): up to a point, obviously - not talking about the famous brother or friend who became addicted to drugs, got involved in violent crime etc...

/end parentheses}}

I get what you're saying Nimh, I really do and I trully wish you all got what I was saying.
Even if someone believes I'm making a bad choice, they have to allow me to make it myself. Concern can be expessed in so many ways that I can't understand why some couldn't express it without putting me in a position to defend my my ability to think for myself.
I know that most meant well, I truly do and have been saying it over and over again, but I had to let some know how I felt about certain things said or done so that they would know how I felt about it. How else would I let them know?

I was blunt with just the few that knew I was going to be insulted by their posts. They knew because I've already told them in the past how I felt, which in turn meant to me that their hurting me was intentional. I'll always have a problem with that ****, ya know.

Call me crazy, but everything I did and said still makes as much sense to me as it did when I said it.

I am not saying anything beyond this.
Im just not.
So read, and take it missy . hehe


You ever have a sister..or a best friend... or a co worker.. or even a neighbor, that you liked or loved tremendously. Someone you spent a lot of time with, enjoyed their company, were there with them when they cried.. etc.. etc.. and all that other good stuff that makes a friendship worth it.. well throw that in there too.


And then, this sister brings home this guy, who is VERY handsome. I mean, so handsome it makes you step back for a second. Not just your average handsome.. and she brings him over for you to meet.

With in a few minutes this really handsome man.. that even you cant stop looking at is setting off your alarm bells. He makes you uncomfortable and for some reason you cant quite pin point it.

Then lets say you , sister, and handsome get to meet some of your friends and your friends.. they have the -same- reaction. This mans looks are blinding though. You cant help but stare at him. Its his best feature. But, all of a sudden you start to see behaviors that are demeaning to your friend. He is manipulating, rude, insulting, or doing SOMETHING that smacks you right in the face because it is so obvious and NOW you know why he made you uncomfortable in the first place. Pack on the fact that you have the benefit of friends who have met this super handsome man.. and they ALL SAW the same behaviors..

But you dont want to say anything... I mean..Handsome people are nice. Or.. oh maybe he was just kidding around.. or Thats not possible. Sister would never put up with that... or sister knows hes doing that. she has to. But, you cant just stand there and let someone be little your sister like that. So what do you do..

Meeting them again.. he is doing it again.. only more blatent because NOW he knows sister isnt seeing it, or doesnt care because she loves how handsome he is and is looking to enjoy that aspect of him minus all the other stuff.


tell me you would not want to help you sister away from someone like that? That your friends wouldnt?
How is seeing that handsome man for being rude make your sister stupid?

It doesnt. She isnt stupid. But she deserves someone in her life who will love her and be with her the way her family does. And family want to see family taken care of, loved, respected and happy .




Enough people have been on this website with you long enough to know you very well. You are the sister in a lot of cases. And sometimes, as 'sisters' people are ready to give you the hot poker because what is obvious to the group may not be to you. Because thats what friends do.
You , actually.. all of us.. have the added benefit of several hundred other people here seeing new people, reading posts, and knowing what we go through in our daily lives. It is undeniable that the majority of the regular posting people here FEEL love, comfort, concern, caring, happy and many other personal emotions when communicating with others here. And many have never met each other.

Sometime people take this for granted and forget what a community we have here. Others exploit that and live in it for their own benefit.

I will say, with confidence that I know you rather well Montana. Just because I dont post to you 100% of the time, does not mean I dont read what you write....does not mean I am not aware of how you are and what is going on with you. No. Im no 'Montana expert' but your personality always comes right through your posts. A blind person could not miss it.

And just like I would tell my sister if she were dating someone that was abit 'off' i will tell you... that guy/gal was off. I will tell you loudly. Just like others would/did/do.

You have posted many times to many new people and this has never happened before. With so many possible outcomes and so many people, how could it not make some sense if the vast majority of people who read what that person wrote, had the same response? No other new person has ever caused people to react to you like that. That many gut reactions to one person have to be right. Because it wasnt done to be malicious.

i said before that no one had called you stupid.
Well, when i MADE that post.. at that time.. no one had used those words.
Sorry.. I was wrong about that.

I wanted to point out though...... in one big swoop.... calling all of us stupid too. that we dont know what we are talking about. That we are being judgmental, rude, and mistrusting. That we are not trusting you.

yet.. all who have voiced concern , and even gone over the top to get that drama queen off of you, were only doing it to defend the sister, not with the intent to insult.

We are not stupid.
We also do not 'make decisions for you'. We cant turn off your computer.
We are not turning our backs on talking to you.
We are not DOING anything to stop you... nor can we.
But just like the sister, we are going to speak up. Again and again. Because thats what you do. Its not condescending. its not insulting.
Its very simply " hey sister. he has done a, b, and c. That makes him a D. "
And since we see that he can and would keep going at you and keep causing you stress, we are going to peck his eyes out the best way we can.

Hold that against everyone if you will .

when did i meet your sister and her friends

Dont worry. the drugs were really good. I dont expect you to remember..

Thank you, Shewolf for saying exactly what has been on my mind for days. And for saying it so well.

I'd rather have a sister friend that isn't afraid to tell me when I'm being a fool, than one who will sit back and wait to pick up the pieces.

... but nowhere in these threads was there an indication ON HER PART that she wanted to date him, meet him, talk on the phone, giver her email out or do anything other than chat here with him and hear him. Nowhere was HER dangerous behavior exemplified!

true, when FoW posted a n email address that montana could reach him/her at, he/she said that it was a newly created account under a false name, montana could have done the same and kept her anonymity

mind you, it made for good reading imho

I used the dating situation as an example only.

Im sorry. Im not implying that she was trying to date him/meet him/ or anything like that.

it is someone in the vicinity of someone we all care about that set off our alarm bells for what ever reason.

My point is that we all shared the --same alarm--....... and we are not being stupid for voicing that opinion just like SHE isnt stupid for talking to him.
But from the stand point of 'family' we are going to all go after someone we dont feel is safe, works well enough, or is respectful enough of a family member with all our guns drawn (so to speak) . Even if those guns are rude, we are still going to stand our ground and make our points because we all see the exact same thing.

It isnt mistrust on HER behalf.. not in the least.

but it seems clear to me that she felt that SOME don't trust HER judgement. She keeps having to repeat that over and over.

And i hear her.
Loud and clear.
And Im sorry that I told her no one called her stupid. When i said that, it was an entire day before people DID start to use those words. So i was unfair in assuming such...

But, some of us were not coming from a point of mistrust on her behalf..
we were watching that wolf.. wanting to 'kick it away'.

i cant speak for everyone . Just myself. And I hope I have made MY STAND POINT.. clear.

others will have to do for themselves.