MONTANA TALK TO ME

Brandon is the only other I know for sure, just so others won't wonder.

Brandon and I never did get along,.

Brandon who? Sort of like (Prez) Bush-who.

thanks. Excelsior!

Happy Inauguration Day. May we have some of the same joy and hope 6 months from now.

A motive to insult or be hurtful? It is wise not to presume that.

But the effect of being insulting and hurtful is not always easily blunted by understanding that the motive was probably different.

It is one thing to be misunderstood in what one intended to say as opposed to what another hears, and friends will allow others to clarify when that happens.

It is quite something else to be insensitve, hurtful. and/or offensive to another through intended humor, and, when it occurs regularly, it is not that difficult to feel like it is intentional even when our head tells us it may not be.

You are well liked and understood here, Montana, and no one of any import is mad at you… I assure you. Indeed, you owe yourself an inward smile… at the knowledge that so many people care enough about you to have followed and/or participated in this unfortunate debacle. People who care about you have collectively spent hundreds if not thousands of hours in concern with nothing but your best interest at heart.

Now I’ll grant you that not everyone took care to word their concerned responses in a fashion that would be interpreted as kindness to you, necessarily… but many of their responses should nonetheless be interpreted as genuine concern in retrospect. Georgeob1 and Francis, for instance, weren’t sugar-coating… rather they were highlighting FoB’s deplorable tactics… and there is no rational explanation for doing so, except genuine concern for your well-being.

I think most here understand your reaction to "mean girls," regardless of what their true intent may have been. That you had unresolved issues with some of them that needed to be addressed is perfectly understandable… and good on you for finally getting it out. I hope that having done so provides you with some peaceful feelings of relief.

While I can easily understand your reaction considering your mutual history, and have frequently been offended myself by their cavalier disregard for the feelings of others; in this particular situation I’ve no choice but to concur with their assessment of FoW.

I like Shewolf’s abuse/relationship metaphor and really find it quite fitting. Nimh brilliantly highlighted the likely reaction from that kind of invasive interference, but there is a flip-side to that coin as well. Trying to compel the "sister/friend" to see their person-of-interest as destructive will indeed frequently result in pushing them away… but there really is no good alternative. It is equally ineffective to pretend the destructive person is A-Okay out of respect to the sister/friend’s feelings… so refraining from attempts to find some way to get that information across is equally unproductive. It is a pity that there is no magic answer to that situation, but there isn’t, so we all try whatever we believe is most likely to be effective, in a situation with no easy solution available.

You, yourself have felt the utter helplessness in attempts to compel someone in a bad situation to recognize the inherent dangers in relationships that are, or appear to be leading to, destructiveness. Your heart IS bigger than most, so I KNOW it affects you greatly when the intended recipient of your constructive sharing of your own bad experiences isn’t buying. I also know you would never judge that person stupid, simply for failing to recognize the simple truths you are writing on the wall. Neither do most, if not all, of your friends here consider you stupid for wanting to trust your own instincts over the preponderance of others. That is a perfectly natural reflection of self-respecting independence.

It is obvious that at 40+ you are a big girl who can take care of yourself, and I don’t believe any rational person was suggesting otherwise. But when it comes to all matters of the heart, we are all capable of being naïve, vulnerable, and we are ALL potential victims (save the sociopaths, of course.) That’s indicative of being human, not stupid.

For instance; I consider myself an exceptionally well grounded person, but history has recorded more than one example of my own heart leading me astray in defiance of logic and a plethora of good advice from well-meaning friends and family. Hell, that could be happening in my personal life right now; but I am content to follow my heart and in the words of Billy Joel; "I won’t hold back anything… and I’ll walk away a fool or a king." That in no way means my friends and family aren’t well-meaning in issuing their cautions, and I can only respect and appreciate their advice… even when I think they’re dead wrong. I recognize that concern for me is their sole purpose in offering their advice; and mutual respect compels me to consider that I may very well be wrong. Like you; only I can weigh the available information and come to my own conclusions.

Back to the matter at hand:

It is beyond obvious to most of us that this troll (FoW)(quite possibly (probably?) a recurring troll, who’s been here before, and knows you A LOT better than you think), was flagrantly, intentionally, and maliciously manipulating your feelings. That you are too sweet and generous in giving (s)he/it the benefit the doubt is a testament to how sweet you are. That in no way makes you stupid, because, again, we all fall into that trap from time to time. Who among us has never let their feelings override their common sense when they wanted to believe in someone, for whatever reason? The idea that we can control our feelings is utter nonsense; only sociopaths can do that.

I wrote and post the above for one reason only, Montana. I, like so many people here, respect and care about you and want you to recognize the outpouring of concern for you (whether misguided or not) for what it is. It is, for the most part, an outpouring of love for you Montana, and I want you to feel the warmth of that consideration over and above whatever slights you have suffered from "mean girls" or embarrassment from buying the troll’s bullshit. Bask in that warmth and take solace in the FACT that so many people care enough about you to participate. It is evidence of how very special you are, and you should damn well feel good about it.

Take care of you,
(((((((( Montana ))))))))

Yeah, that's it

Happy Inauguration Day to you Ragman and Amen to the rest

Oh Bill, do you even realize that you're talking down to me and that alone is insulting?
With all due respect Bill, I think I have a pretty damn good head on my shoulders, along with eyes to which I can see.
I don't agree with you on most of what you said.

My thoughts as well Fox. I just didn't say it.

Bill, in your very long post where I don't agree with most of your thoughts, you did say some very sweet and thoughtful things and the feelings are mutual, you know that.
I think your heart is in the right place, but you're not seeing everything in the same light as I am and you're talking to me like I talk to little kids and after all that's been said and done the past 3 days, I can't help but be aggrivated as hell by that.

You know I care about you ((((((((Bill))))))), but jeeeeeezzzz, do you hear me?

I don't believe it's ever galling when we admit to the truth, Foxfyre.

Ya done good, Ma'am.

I see that thread as being more about FOW, MA and suchlike.

These are all quotes from that thread from Setanta in order. The first is his opening.

"Goddamnit, i wanna be a drama queen, too ! ! !

Will somebody please start stalking me, so i can start my own thread about it? Isn't that the in thing to do these days? Please, please, please . . . i just wanna fit in. "

"Burger or ice cream?

I mean . . . this is a serious thread, here, Bubba . . . i need to find a stalker, then whine about it, so i can be in with the in crowd. "

"Is that a vicious dig at my sartorial habits and my cooking skills? You bitch ! ! ! "

"Stay away from me . . . now i've got hot grease spattered all over my solar plexus . . . it's your fault, i just wanted an innocent online friendship. "

"Geeze, FM, lighten up . . . i'm just tryin' to fit in . . . i want a stalker, too, just like ever'body else! "

I hear you loud and clear, Montana, and I am sorry I failed to articulate my thoughts in a manner that they wouldn't be interpreted as patronizing. Forgive me this shortcoming and know that like most participants here; my heart is indeed in the right place. <-- That, more than anything else, is what I wanted to convey.

My certainty in my assessment of FoW precludes me from deferring to your own interpretation of these events. Please don’t interpret that dissention as any shortage of respect for you, because it most certainly isn’t. I respectfully ask only that you simply attach whatever respect you do have for me (and/or my ability to reason) to my conclusion; as you continue to evolve the only conclusion that really matters; your own. Ultimately, your own opinion is all that matters, and my only wish is that you’ll consider the plethora of opposing opinion in the proper light as you make the determinations that only you can make.

Likewise, my respect for you is completely independent of whether or not you agree with my assessment, Montana. My concern for your well-being is the only thing that compels me to voice my opposition in the first place. Please hear the above in my softest, most caring voice, and please take care to take care of you.
((((((((( Montana ))))))))

This is not true Bill! Not one bit! Everyones opinions matter to me and I have shown you respect Bill, but if you talk down to me, I'm gonna call you on it.
Lets cut through all the fancy talk, ok Bill and yes you did come off as patronizing there along with here.
Maybe you don't recognize it, but I'm quite familiar with it. People have spoken to me like this all my life just because I'm freakin nice, and I'm tired of it.
You're now seeing a side of me that you've never seen before. It's the side that sick and tired of biting my tongue in and allowing people to walk all over me because they think I'm an easy target.
I just recently said on another thread that I was the same here as I am outside of here, except that you gets get more of the fun side of me here, which is true because outside of here, I never bite my tongue like I do in here. I don't know why I have more courage telling someone off who are standing right in front of me, than I do here, but believe me, in the outside world I say exactly what's on my mind if I am offended.
Maybe it's because A2K is my place to escape the cruel world and I don't want to make waves.
Either way, this side of me has entered here and there's no turning back, so people can either accept me for who I really am or not.
I just can't bite my tongue anymore!
If you valued my opinion Bill, you'd stop trying to change it.


No hard feelings here Bill, just the way I feel.

Is this the same Montana with that lovely blond curly flowing long hair, You don't need a stalker!

You're right, so it's a good thing I don't have one

I think you misunderstood my last post, Montana. Perhaps you thought I was being sarcastic? I wasn't. I inferred no lack of respect from you, and intended no further argument whatsoever. I think (hope) if you re-read it (knowing this) you'd come away with a much different understanding.

One thing I do want to comment on, though;

This is just not true. I do value and respect your opinion, but that does not require me to agree with it. Similarly, when you disagree with me on something; I don’t take that as a lack of respect, either. Reasonable people can view things differently and that in itself is not indicative of a lack of respect from either party.

No worries. Unless you’re still communicating with FoW by some other means, there is no further need for concern… if indeed there ever was.
Take care of you.
((((((((( Montana )))))))))

somebody this afternoon was talking about change and a new and brighter time ahead, sounds like a good idea to me


i'm just sayin' is all

Granted, FoW did say some things that were pretty off. Strange. Creepy. Wierd.

Still ... I don't think Montana was ready to jump under the sheets with him. Or give him her #. Or look at him in any other way, than someone that she enjoyed posting with. She felt a connection to someone that had some of the same thoughts as her on the politics threads and what-not.

There is one thing about a female that has been abused, such as she. They many times, will get themselves into the same kind of bad relationship. More abuse. More of the same. It can be a cycle. Then you have the exact opposite. Woman abused. Woman more careful. Woman never enters into a repeat relationship. Montana has proven to be the latter. She has hardly proven herself to be anything but smart-headed. Otherwise, she'd have been in other abusive relationships. Hardly the case. A lot of years have lapsed since then. Give her some credit, guys.

PS- Montana ....email me. (in profile) I have something for you.