i have a weird anger problem, i think there are five stages to anger, annoyance without saying anything, annoyance and tleling them they are annoying you, anger, ahtred, then hated with violence.
i am a cool ************ on the first four, but hen u piss me off enough to hurt you i just snap.
my friend (he was addicted to cocaine, and he would get yakked out for his 5 day workweek and wouldnt be home)
would be home on the weekends he would be coming down HARD, and he was ******* with me but i ignored it for a few weeks, i would walk away, but one day we were driving home, he was driving, and he was talking **** for like 2 hours, and i got up from the back of the van put my elbow around his throat and put my feet on the back of his chair and tried to kill him. he passed out like 30 seconds later i remember him letting go of the steering wheel and i let go my rage just slowly went away and i socked him like 3 times in the face. pretty horrible stuff..(i couldnt stand being trapped in the van anymore, i swear i dotn see red i see white., i know its bad but ive only snapped like 4 times, once when this guy pushed my brother and his head hit the chain hook up thing on the dumpster, i tried to kill him as well, same thing..he turned blue, and he was hispanic so it was pretty hardcore.., and once my dad socked me in the face when he was drunk after pretty much talking **** to me for 2 hours and humiliating me, and i almost stabbed him in the throat with a screwdriver. well not almost i picked it up and i jerked my hand then i just went outside, and i cant lie i started crying. whether it was becasuse my dad hit me like that or because i wanted to really hurt him like that.. iono..
another time when these hispanic "cholo gangsters jumped me, i tripped one and did the same thing, tried to choke him to death, it was mighty hilarious seeing his friends immediately become humble and grovel at my feet after kicking me in the head and face etc.., because i was on the verge of murdering their friend.
anyways, to the point of allt his. make sure your not letting yourself be in situations where you know your going to snap, the times i snapped i felt helpless, like i couldnt escape the situation..
in fact every time, qwhn i just felt like there was nowhere to go, like id be in that situation no matter what. but you can always walk away. after i really really really wanted to stab my dad i learned to walk away, i knew a that point i coudlnt do it again
if this is any help at all.