the stigma of having an anger problem

Reply Fri 16 Jan, 2009 04:11 am
Unless you're a child, if you have anger issues, basically you don't get anywhere in life. Yet, some of us are born that way. The fact that the world is forcing these people to change is too damn hard on them. They didn't ask to be easily pissed, any more thanthey'd ask to be incarcerated, expelled from school, fired from work, and ditched by people they used to get along with. Some of them do try to change. Yet, asking for help get you even more stigmatized.
I know what it's like. I've had my fair share of it. The longest I've ever went w/o exploding is a few months. This is actually the first time I'm actually acknowledging my problem. Before, it used to be just "their" fault I went off on them. Consequently, the only thing that changed since grade school was that I stopped physically assaulting people when I'm angry. I still yell at them and hit/throw stuff. Basically, I got all the bad consequences but incarceration.
Everything was taken personally and a big deal. I used to attribute someone not returning my phone call as having a evil intent. If I had to stand in line too long, I'd yell at ppl to hurry up. I recently got canned because I punched a pole in the fitting room wall over an unwarrent arguement I had with a coworker a few days before. I may have tried to change before. I used to vow to think before throwing tantrums, but I explode a second after I get mad, hardly enough time to think at all. I also tried suppressing it, but I end up exploding sooner or later. Yet, society reject even those trying to change simply bc of unsuccessful attempts which is bull!
I'm really kinda jealous of even tempered ppl. They get off easy bc of their ability to deal with things. During the few months periods I'm not that angry, I could be like them. People like me more then. Usually, those who know me any longer than a few months refuse to associate with me anymore because I'd go off on them. I know I want to change so I could keep friends or a job, but at the same time, I hate the stigma and I want it out.
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Reply Fri 16 Jan, 2009 04:23 am
What you need is to talk with professionals and find out what's causing this. They are trained and qualified to be able to diagnose what it is you have and they may be able to prescribe medication for you that would free you from this personal hell you've lived with all your life.
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Reply Fri 16 Jan, 2009 05:18 am
You arent born this way, somehow you learned it in your childhood. Were your parents impatient with things? were they overly strict or seemingly unreasonable? Lotsa times kids reinterpret things their parents do in their own terms . However, usually some things are fairly consistent, If one or both of your parents would act impatient and perhaps "Act out" (My dad used to beep at traffic lights to get them to change-so I turned that into a funny quirk of my own and do that for laughs once and a while). You need to get some help and theres no reason to keep being an angry guy, because the good things in life WILL pass you by and the only kinda girls youll attract are those with their own issues and a good rule is "NEver get intimate with anybody nuttier than you are"

If youve ever heard of anger management, there are some really good people out there and the help they give is like teaching you to play a guitar, they can teach and you must practise what they teach you.
Also, you may have an undiagnosed health problem like diabetes or a thyroid condition, many times these can cause some personality changes. Were you an angry guy waaay back? When did you begin to know that you were unreasonbably angry?

One thing Ive gotta say is that you are at the fist step, you know youve got a problem. Most people who have long term anger problems blame the other people they deal with. ALl Ive heard from you on this and the other thread is that you began accepting that you are this way and (IMHO) thats pretty good.

Go get some help man, the world is a fun place and you should be able to enjoy it without all that anger baggage.
Reply Fri 16 Jan, 2009 05:29 am
well i'm actually a girl although my username prolly won't give that away. My parents actually didn't lose their temper easily, but that didn't stop me from losing mine as early as 5 y/o. I kenw there was a problem the 1st time I got suspended from school. I threw a textbook across the room in 2nd grade bc a pencil fell off my desk. but yeah i'm planning on anger management classes. i don't want anger to continuously sabotage my life.
Reply Fri 16 Jan, 2009 05:40 am
There ya go, youre on your way and thats the main thing. Im not trying to play caseworker but you are possibly going to need to know when and how this all began cause it helps untangle the web youve erected .
If youve got an undiagnosed medical problem that can be important. Im sure that your anger management instructor will want you to get a physical and you tell the doc of your problem.

You sound like a nice kid to be burdened with this for your lifetime. You may be able to divert your anger into another area of focus and come out of this a much better person.
Good luck . Keep us in the loop like a bunch of crazy aunts and uncles who only want the best for you .
Reply Fri 16 Jan, 2009 07:15 am
There are a few things you can do. Ask your doctor on some of them of course, but I bet you'll get the green light on all of them.
1) Get regular exercise. Burn off the energy and you'll be too tired to throw stuff. Run, swim, lift weights, use a bike, dance, whatever you like to do. There's a gal here who's done boxing for fitness. I bet that'd be right up your alley.
2) Cut out most if not all caffeine. It is a stimulant and is probably ratcheting things up without you even knowing it's happening. Caffeine isn't just in coffee and tea. It's in chocolate and it's in some medications (to make it work faster, like some aspirins). Check labels.
3) Organize your life. You need not be obsessive but I bet at least a little bit of this anger may be coming from frustrations. So work to eliminate them. Hang your keys in the same place every time. Put your papers away neatly. Get your clothes into the closet after they've been laundered, etc. If you don't spend some time in the morning searching for your white shirt (or whatever), you may find that you at least aren't starting the day with residual issues which may bubble to the surface at the worst times. And, the corollary to that is, if you mess up or forgot, or someone messes up your system, don't be too hard on yourself or on them. That's probably easier said than done for you right now but I personally find it comforting to know that I can find things, and find it disorienting when I can't.
4) Meditation. It doesn't necessarily work for everyone, but it also need not have a religious component. Essentially what you are doing is diverting your mind. Getting angry? Think of a vacation. Losing your patience? Visualize kittens or friends or whatever makes you happy. There's a reason why Julie Andrews sings "My Favorite Things" in The Sound of Music. I'm not suggesting you break into song but the concept is: things are bad and I'm scared, so I'm going to divert myself by thinking of good, comforting stuff, rather than dwell on the pain. And it works.

I hope these help.
Reply Fri 16 Jan, 2009 11:13 am
i have a weird anger problem, i think there are five stages to anger, annoyance without saying anything, annoyance and tleling them they are annoying you, anger, ahtred, then hated with violence.

i am a cool ************ on the first four, but hen u piss me off enough to hurt you i just snap.

my friend (he was addicted to cocaine, and he would get yakked out for his 5 day workweek and wouldnt be home)
would be home on the weekends he would be coming down HARD, and he was ******* with me but i ignored it for a few weeks, i would walk away, but one day we were driving home, he was driving, and he was talking **** for like 2 hours, and i got up from the back of the van put my elbow around his throat and put my feet on the back of his chair and tried to kill him. he passed out like 30 seconds later i remember him letting go of the steering wheel and i let go my rage just slowly went away and i socked him like 3 times in the face. pretty horrible stuff..(i couldnt stand being trapped in the van anymore, i swear i dotn see red i see white., i know its bad but ive only snapped like 4 times, once when this guy pushed my brother and his head hit the chain hook up thing on the dumpster, i tried to kill him as well, same thing..he turned blue, and he was hispanic so it was pretty hardcore.., and once my dad socked me in the face when he was drunk after pretty much talking **** to me for 2 hours and humiliating me, and i almost stabbed him in the throat with a screwdriver. well not almost i picked it up and i jerked my hand then i just went outside, and i cant lie i started crying. whether it was becasuse my dad hit me like that or because i wanted to really hurt him like that.. iono..

another time when these hispanic "cholo gangsters jumped me, i tripped one and did the same thing, tried to choke him to death, it was mighty hilarious seeing his friends immediately become humble and grovel at my feet after kicking me in the head and face etc.., because i was on the verge of murdering their friend.

anyways, to the point of allt his. make sure your not letting yourself be in situations where you know your going to snap, the times i snapped i felt helpless, like i couldnt escape the situation..
in fact every time, qwhn i just felt like there was nowhere to go, like id be in that situation no matter what. but you can always walk away. after i really really really wanted to stab my dad i learned to walk away, i knew a that point i coudlnt do it again
if this is any help at all.
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Reply Fri 16 Jan, 2009 11:47 am

Get a drum kit or whatever you prefer. Everytime you feel angry - go and play it. I'm serious. I learned to play guitar like that
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