I think I Might Be in Danger - But I Am Not Sure

I’m writing out of fear and confusion. Please bear with me. There are 2 parts to my situation. I live in a unique situation. I have lived with friend and her 24 yr old son for 6 years.
Her son is very strange and is seething with anger. He has a record for assault. He beat-up his father, 4 or 5 years ago. He had to go to Juvi-camp. He doesn’t do anything for himself or household. He has no responsibilities at home. My friend treats him like the golden child.

He is very verbally abusive to her and she buckles every time. I know how hard that is to break. He is in his room 95% the time playing first-shooter computer games, or whatever, unless she’s cleaning his room.

He has held down a good job for several years. So that is something.

He really expects her to do everything for him from cooking, laundry, to doing his taxes (1040 how hard can it be) to literally addressing an envelope. I asked her why she was doing his taxes and she just said he won’t do it. So I have to. He ignores boundaries and is sort of defiant about it. He has no consequences. She goes way beyond enabling. She is my friend and it is hard to keep quiet.

OK, that is them. On the other side is me. I’m very well versed in psychology and the circle of violence, through school and through life. I believe domestic violence left untreated is lethal. So I obviously see a lot of serious red flags. I have asked her about him and his behavior and I never get a straight story; He was dropped on his head as a baby; he’s on the spectrum, something happened while she was pregnant; He has brain damage. I asked her what part of the brain was effected and she just said she didn’t know and sort of ran away. So yes, totally weird too. So while all the craziness is going on there, I can keep away from it all for the most part. The only thing that effects me (besides the angry energy) is that he completely ignores me. Seriously, after 6 years. I mean completely. He won’t talk to me. He wont stay in the same room with me. He won’t look at me. Except when he punched a wall and broke his hand. Suddenly I was useful. He pretends I’m not there. Very, very weird or is he on the spectrum? If I knew, I could have some compassion.

I’m not sure if there are weapons in the house. I saw him once shooting an air gun in the backyard. But then he scurried away once he knew I was there. I wouldn’t be surprised he had a real gun. He doesn’t hurt animals. Although he is verbally abusive the dog. The dog was barking and he said, « Shut the F*#ck up! « Sorry for parentheses. My keyboard sometimes switches to French sometimes.

I worked at a university not long ago. We had to go to through active shooter training. And I used to joke, he is going to be the next active shooter and he’s coming for me first. Not really that funny, now.

So yesterday I was cleaning the refrigerator and I was about to through out some food that had been there for at least a week. His mom said, don’t through that away. Matt will kill you. My response was to look her in the face and said I think he’s going to kill me anyway. She just laughed it off.

I have a friend who has a PhD in Criminal Justice and retired police chief. I talked to him. He told me to watch for escalations in his behavior. But when the escalation comes from her; I don’t how to interpret that. I keep a journal of all the behavior.

Am I in denial about how bad it is? Am I in danger?

Moving out right now is not an option, for serval reasons.

If you have read this far I thank you. I thank you.