Reply Fri 16 Jan, 2009 03:26 am
My anger problems had completely ruined my entire life. I'd go through long phases where I explode over the smallest thing. It got me suspended during high school, restricted to online courses in college, lost me some friends, and recently got me fired. A coworker said on Jan 4th that she came to a cartful of apparels returns. She thought it was from me, and when I tried to explain it was from the overnight crew, she didn't believe me, so I yelled at her and got confrontatinal even though she said it's no bid deal. She went to mgmt about me "harrassing" her. Four days later, I was still unable to get past it, so I punched the pole in the fitting room in front of customers. Mgmt said it was workplace violence, accused me of endangering ppl, and fired me. They said ceiling tiles coulda fallen and hit someone and cause serious damage. However, they said I'm eligible for rehire and may apply after 90 days. Still, should they have canned me or given me a second chance? I get alot of work done on the sales floor. Also, I didn't ask to have an anger problem. I was born that way.
 
dadpad
 
  1  
Reply Fri 16 Jan, 2009 03:38 am
I vote for canning.
0 Replies
 
Montana
 
  3  
Reply Fri 16 Jan, 2009 04:15 am
@dirrtydozen22,
I would expect any boss would fire someone on the spot for freaking out in front of a customer. That's one of the worst things you can do in the work place, so your boss had due cause to fire you.

You may want to see someone about your anger and get yourself into an anger management class. If you're losing control of you anger that easily, you really do have a major problem.
0 Replies
 
Setanta
 
  2  
Reply Fri 16 Jan, 2009 04:18 am
@dirrtydozen22,
Quote:
Also, I didn't ask to have an anger problem. I was born that way.


Wrong. Extravagant angry responses to trivial matters are a sign of at the least immaturity and at the worst a very troubled childhood. No one is born angry. You would yourself be best able to decide if this were a maturity problem or whether it is the product of abuse or neglect in the home during your childhood. Either way, you are the only one who can change this--although there are a great many qualified people available to help you change it if you decide to do so.
dirrtydozen22
 
  1  
Reply Fri 16 Jan, 2009 04:26 am
@Setanta,
I was never abused or neglected so I would say I have immaturity problem. I'm trying to change (for the first time in my life) so what I'm really asking is if it's all that fair that I was canned.
0 Replies
 
Montana
 
  1  
Reply Fri 16 Jan, 2009 04:29 am
Yes it is fair.
0 Replies
 
Setanta
 
  1  
Reply Fri 16 Jan, 2009 04:31 am
Life is not fair, something which i know people quickly get tired of hearing. Nevertheless, that "truism" also happens to be the truth. Your former employer, and potential employers care about their relations with customers more than they care about your personal perceptions of justice. It is implicit in the social contract that people have a right to be free from the ungoverned outbursts of other people's tempers in the ordinary way of everyday life, let alone in a commercial setting.

So, is it fair that you were fired? Yes, so long as it was legally accomplished. If you were in a probationary period, or if you had been warned about such behavior, or if such behavior is explicitly prohibited in the terms of your employment--it is fair to that extent. However, even if none of those things were true, and even if you have grounds to bring an action for having been unjustly terminated--it doesn't alter that employers are not going to tolerate such behavior, and it doesn't change that life is not about justice or impartiality.
dirrtydozen22
 
  2  
Reply Fri 16 Jan, 2009 05:01 am
@Setanta,
well, that did constitute gross misconduct... any type of violence at all, even if it's not against a person. so i guess ur right.
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  1  
Reply Fri 16 Jan, 2009 05:31 am
Yep, it's fair of them to fire you.

Now, a little unsolicited advice: get thee to a therapist and get your anger problem treated. You recognize it's a problem. Great! Now get active and do something about it so you can get this job back, or something better, rather than eventually heading to jail or the morgue because of violent tendencies.
0 Replies
 
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Fri 16 Jan, 2009 09:35 am
@Setanta,
I agree and I'll add that saying I was born that way is a cop out. Everyone is born with something that is not an asset - some have bigger issues than others. And many with extremely "born with it" true issues overcome them and succeed.

If you have an anger issue - get help - you will keep having problems if you don't. Also, the workplace was right in firing you - they don't know if your anger could cause some one physical harm - it is enough that you possibly frighten this women where is afraid to come into work. The company is liable for your actions and they don't want that risk that you could hurt some one.
0 Replies
 
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Fri 16 Jan, 2009 09:38 am
@Setanta,
Also, most people are hired as "at will" meaning you can leave at any time for any reason and the employer can let you go at any time.
0 Replies
 
FreeDuck
 
  1  
Reply Fri 16 Jan, 2009 09:39 am
@dirrtydozen22,
Yes, it's fair. Explosive anger makes other people very uncomfortable. If they don't know you (or worse, if they do) then they don't know what you're capable of or where your limits are. I would have fired you too.

Are you not able to visualize the consequences of your actions or are you just unable to stop yourself? Either way, I'd suggest therapy.
0 Replies
 
Bella Dea
 
  1  
Reply Fri 16 Jan, 2009 09:40 am
The fair is in August.

Life isn't fair. But in this case, yes I think it was fair.
0 Replies
 
FreeDuck
 
  1  
Reply Fri 16 Jan, 2009 09:44 am
@dirrtydozen22,
dirrtydozen22 wrote:

Also, I didn't ask to have an anger problem. I was born that way.

One more thing. This ^, is a sign of unwillingness to accept responsibility. It's my observation that being unwilling to accept responsibility can cause someone to perceive themselves as victims and see injustice everywhere which can then lead them to become excessively angry in situations that only merit mild annoyance.
0 Replies
 
squinney
 
  2  
Reply Fri 16 Jan, 2009 10:00 am
Agree with what others have said. Will add that if you were not abused or neglected, was the opposite true? Were you rewarded for your outbursts? Did you learn that you could get your way if you got angry? Did asking the first time get a no? The second time a no? The third time a yes because you got angry and threw a fit?

If so, it is learned behavior and can be unlearned.
dirrtydozen22
 
  1  
Reply Fri 16 Jan, 2009 10:07 am
@squinney,
I don't think I got what I wanted for my outbursts either. On the contrary, I got negative consequences. I think it's simply that I have a low tolerance for frustration and I really need an outlet for my anger. Maybe there is a disorder for that or something, idk. But I will be seeking that diagnosis once I find out what it is.
0 Replies
 
Foxfyre
 
  1  
Reply Fri 16 Jan, 2009 10:17 am
I believe our basic temperament is hard wired and some people are naturally more prone to react with anger in certain situations that don't bother other people at all. One person for instance feels agitated or frustrated when following somebody driving 25 mph in a 40 mph zone, while another feels relaxed and takes it in stride.

The situation may be unpleasant for the frustrated driver, but is not a problem UNLESS he chooses to act on it by following too close to intimidate the slow driver or sits on his horn in a quiet zone or attempts to pass in an unsafe manner, etc. Most frustrated drivers do not do that. Those who do have an anger management issue. Those who do it to the extreme have an anger management problem.

Anger on the job isn't a problem unless it is causing problems for you or others. If it is, then you must learn to manage and handle it in a non-threatening, non-destructive manner or yes, the boss has the justification and right to fire you. I would fire you in a minute if your inappropriate anger was affecting your work and/or frightening or upsetting the customers and/or your coworkers.

0 Replies
 
Foxfyre
 
  1  
Reply Fri 16 Jan, 2009 10:38 am
An afterthought to my previous post:
While some people who physically or verbally abuse their children or spouses, etc. seem to be chronic offenders, for some it is a revelation to be told that anger and acting out one's anger are separate things. We cannot control what we feel and there is nothing wrong or bad about being angry. But normal people can control whether they act out their anger.

For the normal who has never separated the two things this can be a revelation. Sometimes just being told that being angry and lashing out are two separate things makes the difference and allow somebody to
0 Replies
 
George
 
  1  
Reply Fri 16 Jan, 2009 10:47 am
@dirrtydozen22,
I was born that way too.
I got help.

It's like a demon and when it takes over you feel like you are just along for the ride.
I know what it's like to destroy relationships and put your job in danger. The
demon never really leaves, but you can learn to deal with it.

Please get help. Good luck and God bless.


0 Replies
 
Fountofwisdom
 
  1  
Reply Fri 16 Jan, 2009 05:57 pm
I think the big mistake was doing it in front of customers. There is a time to keep cool. I don't think you harrassed the woman, but I also don't think it shows you in a good light.
Basically saying you have anger problems isn't good enough. Seek help to get them fixed. Otherwise you'll just go on a downward spiral.
I'm not saying it will be easy,or that it is your fault. The things is if I was your boss and you'd flipped, I couldn't risk you flipping worse.
Seek help. Change the path your on. Good luck.
 

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