Should I contact first?

To add..........last time we had a little tiff he contacted me to apologize and say he was sorry. Should it be my turn. I'm feeling worried he started this argument to break up with me but I'm not sure. I just don't understand him. He was planning stuff for us to do the following week. I've had a lot of problems lately too which he knows about. Could he be scared to contact himself or not bothered, waiting for me to cool off?

Someone please respond because I am unsure what to do with it being near xmas and all. Should the man make the effort first. Should I test him? If he was that bothered wouldn't he have called by now?

You closed the door, now you have to decide if you want to open it again, or not. You say you feel he was criticizing your behavior and he "tests you". Do you want to return to a relationship like this? Usually what starts in the beginning of a relationship only intensifies over time.

Jamelia- I know that it is difficult at this time of the year, with the holidays approaching. Nonetheless, from what you say, I can infer that there is a basic problem with the relationship. "Testing" and criticizing are not traits that are positive in a partner.

Why don't you leave things as they are? You may be doing yourself a big favor.

I know Phoenix. I'm just finding it really hard at the moment and feeling a bit weak. I've been really angry at him for how he treated me. Lord knows there are issues I could have with him but I don't seem to pick on them and bring them up. I wondered if his mood was from something he was not telling me. He didn't seem to like me asking.....I thought maybe I'd not been opening up to him enough and he'd become frustrated with me but couldn't say. He'd been saying 'I don't want you to go I like you' the other day when I had to leave. That was really sweet and he does more for me than my ex ever did. I just didn't understand his mood. He's talked about children and wanting them but I've left an abusive relationship so I'm scared of giving too much commitment etc etc.

Could it be the case where a man goes in a mood because he feels he has shown too much emotion and not received the same back?

Maybe he was just tired and he felt I nagged him. Is that any reason to carry it on though?

He's also said that he's worried I might accuse him of being abusive too.

Stop renting him space in your head.

So you think he's asking people if he should be calling you first?

Like others have said, going through the trouble hardly seems worth it. You're worrying about him being in a mood, or that he may think you're nagging him. Doesn't seem he's worrying if you're in a mood or being insecure.

You've only been seeing him 4 weeks, and have had two arguments that have lead over into the next day, or days.

So far, you've been spending probably 20% of your time fighting.

Personally, I wouldn't settle for that.

There's a red flag for you....

Since YOU left, then you can approach him _ IF that's what you really want.

You don't seem to know if your should go back --- so don't. Especially just because it's Christmas time.

You need to figure out his good qualities and his bad. Make a list. Then figure out if you want to put up with his bad qualities.

There seem to be some warning signs already.

When one has been in an abusive relationship, it is important to step back, and understand why it happened. If not, there is a good probability that the next relationship will be abusive too.

You have been coming across as very needy. Men who are abusers can spot this a mile off. I am seeing some red flags in the way that you had described your relationship with this man.

The important thing is for you to become comfortable with yourself, by yourself. Then you will be ready to have a relationship with someone because you want him, not because you need him. See the difference?

He also brings up his ex girlfriends a lot and I feel like he is testing me for a reaction. He jumped to the conclusion that I was annoyed about them the other day and I absolutely wasn't. That's when I feel like he's picking for a fight.

Jamelia- It might be a good idea if you reread YOUR posts. Imagine your words were written by another person. What advice would you give to her?

Thanks all of you!!!

You've set my mind straight. I was picking up on a few red flags and Phoenix you picked up on the same one as me.

Trouble is I should trust my instinct sooner. I always try to think the best or look at ways where it might be my fault, give the benefit of the doubt.

Like you say even though it's xmas so what and is he worried about whether he should contact first? I need to get stronger!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All I feel like he's doing is punishing me. It takes me back!!!!! De ja vu!

In the words of Henry Higgins, "I think you've got it"!

Jamelia- You are a lot stronger than you think. Good luck!

x
Thanks