Do you have anyone with you today? Do you have any family around you, or friends who can just be with you today?
I ask this for a reason...
I have two very close friends here who have lost loved ones. One who lost her husband in January and is trying to pull her life together minute by minute - it is so hard, she cannot accept fully, and goes thru each day willing the hours to pass by, unable to peek into the future and wishing every day away. My other friend here lost a child (similar age to Jesseca) and lives every day with every minute counting for something but has moved forward after a number of years with a pure love of life, vibrance and positivity, accepting what that person cannot change, but still loving and remembering their child every day. Two very different ways of dealing with the loss of the people they love.
Everyone has to do it their own way. There is no right or wrong way to deal with grief - the only way is your way.
Both however, have family and friends around them. It's so important to have people around whom you trust and can talk to - even if they cannot understand how you are feeling, just having someone to hold your hand.
A short while ago my girl-friend and I, along with the children, took some helium balloons, went to the highest point we could find on the moors, climbed to the top, and watched the balloons fly away. It was beautiful. It was a kind of "letting go" for my friend, not letting her husband go, letting him be at peace to wherever the balloons would fly to and taking control of her grief - maybe it helped her acceptance 1%... but it was 1% more than before.
Is there someone you completely trust with whom you can just sit and cry, sit and laugh, just be with, who you feel comfortable with?
Your daughter I imagine, would wish you to find peace. You believe in your faith - and that is a good thing for you - talk to Jesseca through your faith and believe that she is at peace now.
It must be so terribly difficult for you today and with the holiday coming up - maybe do something special today if you're able, celebrate the joy she brought you, celebrate her life - let Jesseca's spirit live on through you " I’m sure that is what she would wish for you.
Talk when you need to.