@DrewDad,
Why do Computer Scientists get Halloween and Christmas confused?
Dec 25 = Oct 31
@DrewDad,
Optimist - The glass is half full.
Pessimist - The glass is half empty.
Engineer - The glass is twice a large as it needs to be.
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A farmer asks a physicist, an engineer, and a mathematician to build an enclosure for his cows using the smallest amount of fencing possible. The physicist builds a perfectly circular enclosure. The engineer builds an enclosure that backs onto a pre-existing wall. The mathematician builds a little tiny fence around himself and says "I declare myself to be on the outside."
@DrewDad,
Q: What do you call a parrot that goes "Pieces of seven! Pieces of seven!"
A: A parrot-y error.
@DrewDad,
Theorem: - A cat has nine tails.
Proof: - No cat has eight tails. Since one cat has one more tail than no cat, it must have nine tails.
@DrewDad,
What's the difference between a physicist and an engineer?
|Physicist - Engineer|
HOW TO HUNTAN ELEPHANT
MATHEMATICIANS hunt an elephant by going to Africa, throwing out everything that is not an elephant, and catching one of whatever is left. Experienced mathematicians will attempt to prove the existence of at least one unique elephant before proceeding to step 1 as a subordinate exercise. Professors of mathematics will prove the existence of at least one unique elephant and then leave the detection and capture of an actual elephant as an exercise for their graduate students.
COMPUTER SCIENTISTS hunt an elephant by exercising
Algorithm A:
1. Go to Africa
2. Start at the Cape of Good Hope.
3. Work northward in an orderly manner, traversing the continent alternately east and west.
4. During each traverse pass:
a) catch each animal seen
b) Compare each animal caught to a known elephant
c) Use the Console to declare their match and stop.
Experienced COMPUTER PROGRAMMERS modify Algorithm A by placing a known elephant in Cairo to ensure that the algorithm will terminate. Assembly language programmers prefer to execute Algorithm on their hands and knees.
ENGINEERS hunt elephants by going to Africa, catching gray animals at random, and stopping when any one of them weighs within plus or minus 15 percent of any previously observed elephant.
ECONOMISTS don't hunt an elephant, but they believe that if elephants are paid enough, one of them will hunt itself.
STATISTICIANS hunt the 1st animal they see N times, and call it an elephant.
CONSULTANTS don't hunt elephant, and many have never hunted anything at all, but they can be hired by the hour to advise those people who do. Operations Research Consultants can also measure the correlation of hat size and bullet color to the efficiency of elephant-hunting strategies, if someone else will only identify the elephants.
POLITICIANS don't hunt elephant, but they will share the elephants you catch with the people who voted for them.
LAWYERS also don't hunt elephant, but they do follow the herds around arguing about who owns the droppings. Software lawyers will claim that they own an entire herd based on the look and feel of one dropping.
VICE PRESIDENTS of engineering, research, and development try hard to hunt elephants, but their staffs are designed to prevent it. When the vice president does get to hunt elephants, the staff will try to ensure that all possible elephants are completely pre-hunted before the vice president gets to see them.
If the vice president does see a non-prehunted elephant, the staff will :
1. compliment the vice president's keen eyesight,
2. enlarge itself to prevent any recurrence.
SENIOR MANAGERS set broad elephant-hunting policy based on the assumption that elephants are just like field mice, but with deeper voices.
QUALITY ASSURANCE INSPECTORS ignore the elephants and look for mistakes the other hunters made when they were packing the jeep.
SALESPEOPLE don't hunt elephant but spend their time selling elephants they haven't caught, for delivery two days before the season opens. Software salespeople ship the first thing they catch and write up an invoice for an elephant. Hardware salespeople catch rabbits, paint them gray, and sell them as "Desktop Elephants"
@vinsan,
A2Kers hunt an elephant by Googling "elephant" and posting a link.
It's less expensive, faster, less tiring, and the elephants approve.
@George,
It's odd how much I love that picture. Uncontainable joy.
@tsarstepan,
A brilliant Chrome browser theme:
https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/jpjahpibhmhmlahlblbpgbiaelhgonbe
Microsoft's DREADED Blue Screen of Death
@Region Philbis,
Ha! Maybe I can commit it to memory that way!
Can some IT guy explain the tech jargon in this one please?
EXCELLENT Vinsan!! 
