things were great, but she has backed off...

Hi,

My first time in this forum, I have been dating a widow and am running up against something that has confused and frustrated me. I am hoping that some of you might have insight or advice to share.

Her husband died three years ago, and she has dated several other men since. I met her a few months ago, and we really hit it off. Great connection in every way, and really had fun with each other. Lots of feedback from her that she felt this way too, and that our relationship was way better than any other she has experienced. She seems very straightforward and honest, bright and emotionally healthy, and ready to date. No issues talking about her husband, nor the grieving process she has gone through, etc. FYI, she has two young kids.

We became intimate physically after about a month (so that you know, I was not her first sex partner since her husband.) The several times we were intimate seemed to be very much mutually enjoyable experiences- trust me on this. Then abruptly, about six weeks ago, she told me that she was uncomfortable with something that had happened in the bedroom. I will try to avoid TMI here, and just say that the issue in question seems minor (trust me on this, too- no freaky business, and something that I think would be easily resolved by two mature adults)- in short, it doesn’t add up. After some discussion, some tabling of the discussion, and continuing to see each other- though no sex- she said that she doesn’t think she can get past it, a key phrase being “it was just a little too much reality”. I let it be for a week, and when we did talk again I told her I would still like to see her, but recognize that we probably progressed too fast. I proposed that we just go out on dates and have fun, enjoy the things about each other that we did initially, and not resume the physical part. Well, she said yes, sort of (yea!), but not for a while, she wants to take some time apart (boo!). I left well enough alone, and didn’t press for justification or timing. Since then we have traded a short e-mail or two on unrelated matters, but I am not getting any warm fuzzies. I am thinking that this will be tougher to put back together as more time passes, but really don’t want to try too soon.

So, what do you think? What tipped this? I am guessing there could well be issues of guilt (about dating, even though she had dated others since her husband's death), fear (of losing someone again), kid stuff (are they ready for this?), ... or maybe it is exactly what she says it is (the most disappointing of the alternatives for me). Any ideas on how to proceed, timeframe, etc? Thanks in advance for your thoughts.

RB