RexRed wrote:
I can't seem to shake a heartache. Been two years and it is still killing me every day.
When the republicans and catholics took away gay marriage in Maine my, at the time, boyfriend broke up with me. Our relationship was one of secrecy.
It was difficult enough for him to "come out" to his parents, family and his children, but to do it without any legal status seemed impossible then.
Since then, he has now had his children long enough with his new wife that he felt comfortable enough to at least walk by my house.
Today I saw him walking the dog, his current wife got as if he did not have enough responsibility. She doesn't care for his children, she doesn't care for the dog and he refuses to claim this dog as his own, and she doesn't care for him. He doesn't even wear his wedding ring and they certainly do not have sex. I think she finds him disgusting and repulsive, this makes me sad and upset. She doesn't like him to even touch her. But legally she can stand as their mother when it comes to school... simply because she is a female and they are married. Does that sound like sexual discrimination? He would rather me be their daddy and he loves me and I love him. But his current wife keeps the ex-wife who abused the children away because his current wife has special privileges... She is a female. Yes he is forced out of necessity to stay with a lesbian as his new wife because she is a female. I would not be able to pick his children up at school because both he and I are males. The schools in Maine recognize only one male and one female as parents and refuse to do otherwise.
This has ruined my life, his life and the lives of his kids because they are being raised in a house where he and her fight constantly. She does not consider the children her responsibility. She does not work a job, or support herself and she does not cook, clean or do laundry. He and his children are as skinny as a rail. He works ungodly hours then comes home to laundry and having to cook and clean. We can't even look at each other without crying.
I saw him today walking the dog. He does not even live in the same city as me anymore yet he found a way to be walking the dog passed my house today.
It is the first time I have seen him in two years. He and I just looked down at the ground and walked by without even saying one word to each other.
I think about the year we spent together every day he was with me. We were so happy, we never even had a single argument. I know he is dying inside just like me. While we were best friends was the only time in my entire life that I did not bite my fingernails. They grew out beautiful and I could play flamenco guitar. As soon as we broke up I bit them down again and they have been bitten down since then. The stress is simply unbearable, I thought about a counselor but what are they going to tell me, to not love the love of my life?. I can just remember him saying if my ex-wife found about about us she would use it to take away his children in court. Her having a history of abuse beating on the oldest and starving the youngest may still have not mattered up against him loving another man...
I think about his children and how I wanted to teach them guitar and violin. I think about them sitting locked in a room all day while his current wife plays video games. I think about how skinny he was today like he has not been fed a nourishing meal in so long. Most people think of gays as promiscuous but I can only think of him and I know he loves me as if I am the only person on earth. I have thousands of gay male friends in love with me (through my music) and mad at me at the same time because they know I am incapable of loving anyone but him.
Out of respect for my ex-boyfriend I have not allowed any photos of him online and he works too hard to have an online presence anyway. But he can find time to walk down my street...
Now the republicans are trying to take gay marriage away from the people of Vermont. It is very difficult living with this heartache and having also to fight for the right to be considered equal under the law. His ex wife can get a, hang a sign on the door husband, and as long as he is a male they have precedence.
Our inability to become a family is deteriorating both of our health and the health of his family. He has twisted and contorted his life to be what is acceptable but not what he wants or really desires in his heart. Seeing him all skinny, defeated and looking down at the ground, well, how would you feel?
This is not an indictment against women it is an indictment against the current laws and the inherent discrimination and how it plays out in real world situations. For this situation could easily be reversed and it could be two women who are in love as is often the case.
I personally think his current lesbian wife would rather have someone else to support her and who she actually has feelings for. Such is the marriage of convenience. Is that really a marriage and is it a home and loving family?
No...
