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I have been having affair with older married women for 4 years i need advice!

 
 
Reply Fri 31 Oct, 2008 06:40 am
I am 28 years old and for the last 4 years have been having an affair with a married women, she is 44 years old and has been married for 15 years and they have 2 children. It has been a emotional affair and i fell completely in love with her and she with me i always agreed that she would not leave her husband because they have young children and was fine with that but it was still very intense we would talk everyday on the phone and see each every week we really enjoyed each others company. I guess i always new that even thow i loved her dearly deep down i didnt really trust her because i saw how good she was at lying to her husband for the last 4 years they have not had sex she said she couldnt have sex with him because she wasnt in love with him like she felt for me and couldnt do it but she loved him and her children more than anything they have avery comfortable life together anice house, and all the other trimmings which i could never provide her so because we loved each other so much thats how it lasted so long which is my own fault i should have moved on and broke free because it did start to really affect me emotionally but i just couldnt ever say goodbye and she said she doesnt ever want to lose me. About a year ago i had some terrible news that i was very sick and had about 12 months to live and to enjoy my time i had because there was nothing they can do for me to cure it so i should do all the things iv ever wanted to do. I was devestated because i new that i was not going to have the women i love there even thow she said she would always be there till the end but not how it should be with the women you love spending everyday together and sharing experiences together i knew i missed my chance of real love from someone but i was so scared of dieing without anyone special in my life that i decided to just enjoy and treasure what times we could share together even thow it was really hard knowing i was just a secret in her life and always had been and i knew i would never love another so tryed to tell myself it was still special. Now up until this point it had never crossed my mind that i was not the only one i believed she loved me and had her husband and children so she wouldnt be seeing anyone else but things started to change just before christmas she went out on agirls night out in my home town, i knew where she was so asked my best friend to go to the club and have see if he could see her. He saw her completely pissed dancing on the dance floor and getting very frisky with a young man without acare in the world and loving it and then another young man for most of the night, i told confronted her and she said oh its because of whats happening to me she got really pissed because she was so upset and didnt know what she was doing and just snogged lots of blokes i was shoked but said ok. Then after christmas she was being very distant at the end of the month she went away with her husband for afew days and when she got back she phoned me and said on the plane home the husband said he knows she is having an affair and she could never see me again she had to make her marriage work, Her story was just not sounding believeble she said her husband didnt want to know any details he just said i know your having an affair which just sounded odd she swore on her childrens lifes there was no one else i just didnt believe her because she woulded see me she just spoke to me once over the phone i knew i was right but i said ok because i loved her even thow i was heart broken. I didnt see or speak to her for 5 months then she got back in touch in may and said oh i love you i want to see you before its to late so we have spent some great times together and i even started to believe i had got it wrong and there wasnt anyone else. She was still with her husband so i was really happy for her we arranged for one last day together in
august before she went away on her family holiday we met in ahotel and spent
all day in the room in bed i was really happy and saying my final goodbye when she fell asleep and on the table was her phone and even thow she very careful with her phone deleting messages and calls i just had to have alook i just had afeeling in my stomach i would find something really hoping that i was wrong so as i excepted all texts deleted and calls, so i then checked her sim card messages which i found about 8 messages which she most not have known they get stored in the sim because they were dated before christmas and january and febuary from someone saying things like i love you, i cant wait to see you and other saucy texts and 1 on valentines even at the very time she said her husband had found out and was going to make it work i couldnt believe it so i confronted her and even then she said oh i dont know who he is i met him once on anight out in january and iv never met him after that just completely lieing through her teeth. She has completely made this last year hell for me and instead of enjoying every moment i have been completely heart broken i have my doubts her husband knows anything and she was just trying to get rid of me so she could have her other man. I have asked to see her so i can get some truth but she wont i really feel like the last 4 years of my life have been alie and maybe i was just 1 of many i truely loved her with all my heart she was my universe im devestated, i really dont know what to do people i talk to say i should tell her husband the whole truth because she probaly hasnt told him and is just carrying on with someone else and i will die taking her secret with me i still love her but hate her for what she has put me through this year i think maybe everybody should know just how bad she is and it will only be the truth which she cant seem to do i think her husband may want to know how she has been lieing to him for so long.
Please i would appreciate what anyone who hasnt fallen asleep reading this for your opinon on what i should do i only have acouple of weeks left and in my heart i want to make sure she doesnt get to do this to anyone again.
Thankyou
 
Cliff Hanger
 
  2  
Reply Fri 31 Oct, 2008 07:10 am
@bucatini007,
I did not read through this whole post because it is way too long-- although I empathize and understand your need to let this stuff out.

Essentally, all affairs with married people take the kind of course you've described-- so I skipped to the bottom. Sure your feeling are hurt, etc.

Simply cut the cord. You do not have to get back at her, or protect anyone else from her (as I understand from your last paragraph). it will take a while to get over it, but if you start now you'll be on your way. Go to a shrink, seek out friends who can provide you company, read books about infidelity, but move along with your life.
chai2
 
  2  
Reply Fri 31 Oct, 2008 07:44 am
Are you a man or a woman?

You were told you had 12 months to live about a year ago, and you say you only have a few weeks left.

I wouldn't waste my last few weeks alive on any of this.
bucatini007
 
  1  
Reply Fri 31 Oct, 2008 08:35 am
@Cliff Hanger,
Thankyou for your reply i appreciate it was very long so i dont blame you for skipping to the end. I wish i could move on with my life if time was on my side i would, if you had read alittle bit further you would have read that i was sick and unfortunately i was told there was nothing they could do for me and gave me 12 months to live that was last november. I wish i could move along with my life and start afresh but unfortunately i will be brown bread by christmas.
bucatini007
 
  1  
Reply Fri 31 Oct, 2008 08:50 am
@chai2,
Hello, i am a man! I know you are absolutely right and if my head ruled my heart
i wouldnt waste what time i have left, but unfortunately for me my heart rules my head.
0 Replies
 
CalamityJane
 
  1  
Reply Fri 31 Oct, 2008 08:59 am
@bucatini007,
Hello bucantini and welcome to a2k Very Happy

Well, if you only have a few weeks left, it would be wiser if you see your family
and try to get away from your town and this woman.

Do not tell her husband, it would not bring you any consolation at all, on the
contrary you would mess up the lives of two little innocent children.

Everyone is resposible for their OWN lives, so all you can do is change your
life and I suggest you'll start today!
jespah
 
  3  
Reply Fri 31 Oct, 2008 09:46 am
@CalamityJane,
Exactly.

This is the time for you to make peace with your family and friends and be with them. This woman has been jerking you around, and I'm sorry that's been happening. In the meantime, though, her husband either knows or suspects. Telling him is not going to solve much and may just create and perpetuate more friction. You don't need this kind of stress in what remains of your life so don't tell him, plus the children do not need to be at all involved in this. Your conscience will be a lot clearer if you just cut the cord now and avoid that mess entirely.

So go -- go to your family, to your friends, and spend your remaining time with them. Tell them how much they mean to you. Apologize for anything you've done wrong. Pray with them if that's your way. Do things you've always wanted to do. Say things you've always wanted to say.

Be at peace.
0 Replies
 
davycoolguy
 
  -1  
Reply Mon 1 Feb, 2016 09:40 am
@bucatini007,
Please capitalize the word "I".
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Mon 1 Feb, 2016 09:45 am
I doubt if it matters now. This post was written in '08.
0 Replies
 
 

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