How can I still be intimate with my wife of 13 years?

Wow. I responded. Printing this off for the hubs right now.

If I'm not mistaken it's not about your sex ability as much as it is about her preference (so don't be so hard on yourself), Some women who were sexually active before marriage tend to favor a specific way of doing it and it's obviously not the way you do it, she had already cheated on you, and would most probably do it again in order to relive "the experience".
I recon you should do something about her being a cheater (because I believe that's something you should react hard on), I'm sorry if it sounds offensive but no matter how hard she loves you, she's favoring a penis over you.

looooool, glad to know I had touched someone's life

Gee, this morning I've given an opinion to three people. Must be my day for it. Re the intimacy she is speaking about, ask her what she means and really listen to the answer. Sometimes women require the relationship to be 'invested in' outside the bedroom. Like when you were dating. Sit and think about whether you both invest in each other like you did when you were going out. Maybe make a date night as often as you can afford and do stuff together. Just a thought. (Extra edit). I just scrolled down and saw a lot of the other comments pretty much say the same thing. Go for it!!!

Two to three times a week for a couple having been married for 13 years is statistically fantastic. If you feel unsatisfied, try diversifying your sexuality. Incorporate new toys, games, ideas and such into your love making.

Maybe what she wants isn't sex, but rather romance.

Well? Prove her wrong and make a romantic dinner or do something special.
Remember that woman want to be noticed all the time and want to hear that you say" Honey, you look nice today" Praise your woman all the time, because she is your woman. Spoil her every now and then and tell her you love her every day. When you speak to her show her extra patience and answer her lovingly like" always my love" I noticed you look I bit down, talk to me"
Make more time together!
Try that, Good luck!

have you not asked her what would make her satisfied? you haven't asked because you don't care? its worse when you have told your spouse what you like and they don't do it. because that is a real sign that they have no desire to meet your needs. there is no getting out of that one! once she communicated her needs and you don't make an effort she has every right to be upset grumpy irritable and generally unhappy. your not giving her any gas so don't be surprised when she turns resentful and bitter towards you. and that's the best case a lot of women cheat so they can feel wanted and desired. If you are making her feel loved wanted and desired It will even make your life more enjoyable

I agree. That would never happen to me unless I cheated on my husband which I would never do. I hope you do this for your wife. It's really lonely knowing I will never have this stuff again

Oh wow, if only that could happen for me... Thanks 'trulylost' (although I don't understand how you could be 'trulylost' when you have such perfect understanding--) for the beautiful, beautiful dream... what you describe is Everywoman's Heaven.

If you know you're gna have sex that night, and you don't wan.t to stay flacid for too long (cause then she thinks you're not turned on) it helps to go back to being a teenage guy and just jerk off a lil' but not 2 much, just enough to get the testosterone levels rising

The sky's the limit on that one Beth. Better not ask really.

Think "Goddess" Jerry. That does the trick I believe.

My parents had issues a little while ago and I can only really tell you what worked for them. It will not necessarily do the same for you.
They started dating again. Taking a little time out together for one evening a week. Going out and eating. Going to see a film they both wanted to at the cinema. They even started going to a class in something arty that they both though looked good. Make some time for eachother outside of your schedules. Listen to her needs. Tell her you love her. Cook her favourite meal, learn to if necessary. Talk like when you first started dating, not like you know everything about her. Learn her likes and dislikes. Do something together that you both will like, so it is not all give and no take. Have some fun and make sure she knows that you are there for her. Tell her she is beautiful. All of these are relatively good building blocks to make your feelings clear. Trust me on this the female of the species is not psychic we do not know we are loved without being told and sex does not count as telling her.

Two to three times a week is perfectly normal. As for how you feel, how do YOU feel? How does she make you feel about yourself? Communication is the key to any relationship and in a relationship it takes two to make it work, are you doing your part? Many times people need counseling, look into it if you feel your relationship is worth the effort, if it isn't then your question defies logic.

Don't hijack a thread, start your own.

Ah transition periods...relationships constantly evolve. It may not be something you're doing wrong. Maybe she's worried about the complacency in the relationship or that your passion for her is ending. Talk to her. It s completely normal for things to change including the regularity of sex and it has nothing to do with not loving one another.