So I just joined Facebook....

In case anyone finds it helpful and hasn't noticed it yet, you can easily post a link to an A2K thread on your wall on Facebook and other sites. You'll find links that facilitate it at the end of the originating post of a thread.

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@Butrflynet,

Kind of like exposing your cyber life to real life. Wink

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OK, so can someone who knows how to do this walk me through it? I'll investigate further myself, too...

My mom now appears in "people you may know." I knew it'd happen eventually. I just really don't want to keep using Facebook the way I have been if she's a friend, and it will be really hard NOT to friend her. ("But WHY won't you friend me, I don't understand...." argh.)

Then there's the uncle I mentioned a bit ago.

So if I create a group called "family," for example, how much can I control? Do I control who sees status updates, who sees comments on my photos/ wall/ status updates, etc?

I can already control who sees photos, I see that part and am not concerned about it.

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@sozobe,

Your mom has not asked you to add her as a friend, so you don't have to cross this bridge yet, soz.

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@sozobe,

I joined so that I can monitor my son's usage and I can see where your problem might come from (only I'm doing it to him.) He posted he was bored, so I posted that he could mow the lawn. The next thing you know, all of his friends were saying he could mow their lawns too. He wasn't nearly as amused as I was.

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@Ticomaya,

Right, but I'm Ms. Always Prepared (even if I was never a girl scout). I have little doubt that the request will be coming soon, and if I know how to handle it right then rather than having to stall and research, that'd be good.

I'm seeing more about how to block people who are friends (i.e. you don't want to un-friend them but don't want to see all their stupid quiz results) more than how to limit what specific friends can see of your profile, (except for photos).

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@sozobe,

If their silly posts show up on your wall, you can "hide" them with a link beside their names. All their updates disappear.

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@engineer,

Right, that's the part I know about.

What I'd like to do though is control what other people see of MY activity.

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@sozobe,

sozobe wrote:

My mom now appears in "people you may know."

and you appear in hers - she hasn't reached out yet. maybe she has similar concerns

you can set up groups that you can plop people into and sort of fence them in that way - it's actually probably easier for you to set up a "not-family" group and then restrict the info to that group, so family can't peer in

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facebook is like so yesterday, it's all twitter now Cool

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@sozobe,

friend your mother -- this instant!

Wink

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@DrewDad,

No life, ehh..

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@sozobe,

I found this guide and it works great: http://journal.drfaulken.com/how-to-group-privacy-settings-on-facebook-via-the-friends-list-tutorial/

I just used it to set up my "young friends" to block assess to my wall and it did just what I wanted.

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@engineer,

Now we're talkin'. Thanks! I'll need some time to digest it all and fool around with it but it looks like just the info I need.

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@engineer,

This is going to my study guide, thanks..

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@sozobe,

Sozobe, did you know there's a whole website dedicated to your dilemma?

http://myparentsjoinedfacebook.com/

NPR referred me to the site in yesterday's All Things Considered. In their story, it turns out the author's mother was as underwhelmed about a Facebook friendship than the daughter was.

NPR's Jennifer Sharpe wrote:

So, you're definitely not alone.

Since caving into peer pressure and joining Facebook, my mom had experienced nothing but guilt and anxiety, and she felt accosted by the friend suggestions Facebook was automatically generating out of her address book.

"I had always promised myself I would never be your friend on Facebook, but what happened is that there are all of these faces that are now there and I feel rude not to accept all of them " I don't feel free to say no to anybody. But I don't really want to be your Facebook friend."

In that case, I thought, maybe we could be friends.

"I hope that you do turn me down," my mom said, "No guilt. Noooo guilt."

The next morning, when I clicked on her friend request, I paused before hitting "ignore."

Watching her name vanish from the screen, I felt both courageous and cowardly. But I knew I'd averted disaster. If I had accepted her friend request, my father's couldn't have been far behind.

So maybe there's hope for you yet, Sozobe, and you're definitely not alone. I hope that makes you feel better.

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@ehBeth,

Thanks, Thomas.

ehBeth wrote:

and you appear in hers - she hasn't reached out yet. maybe she has similar concerns

Actually, that's one thing I'm curious about. I've had a few people show up in that section ("people you may know") who I'm certain didn't show up because we have mutual friends (Phoenix, for example -- I am not friends with any A2K'ers on my real-name FB account). I have full privacy settings and don't show up in a search. So I'm wondering if my mom did something (by searching for me maybe), to appear in "people you may know," rather than appearing there automatically because we have mutual friends.

Plus my mom's account currently has no friends, which is part of why I think she joined to friend me, specifically (though she hasn't yet -- she may have joined thinking that she'd be able to see me if she was a member).

At any rate, I've made some progress on how to customize things, thanks engineer. Not all the way there yet but getting there.

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@sozobe,

sozobe wrote:

Plus my mom's account currently has no friends, which is part of why I think she joined to friend me, specifically (though she hasn't yet -- she may have joined thinking that she'd be able to see me if she was a member).

Hey -- your fake-name Facebook account now has a "friend" who's on record writing atrocities like "as underwhelmed than ..."! How bad can your mother be?

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Soz, this will help you. It is the same procedure that some Iranian students are using to help protect themselves and their protest activity from reprisals from the Iranian government.

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@sozobe,

Oh my gosh, that's too weird--THE DAY you posted this, Soz, I got a friend request from my mom... And I haven't been on a2k in ages and just happened to pop in for a look, and this is the first thing I see! That must mean I need to start hanging around here again... Smile

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So I just joined Facebook....

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