"Black Tie Requested"

Forums: Fashion, Wedding, Dress Code, Weddings, Etiquette
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My cousin Reggie's daughter is getting married. We received the invitation
yesterday.

I'm annoyed. Why? Because of one little phrase on the invitation: "Black Tie
required".

It shouldn't bother me, I know. It's their wedding and they're entitled to have
it any way they want.

So what's bugging me? I'm still trying to sort it out in my own mind. For one
thing, I do not own a tux and I don't feel like shelling out the dough to rent one.

Besides, no one else in the family has ever had a "Black Tie" wedding, at least
no one who invited me. Reggie and I both grew up in East Boston. Neither of
us comes from money. But Reggie became a doctor, made a load of dough
(which I don't begrudge -- he worked damn hard to get where he is), and now
moves in different social circles. I'm sure he owns his own formal wear.

His brothers may own tuxes as well. Reggie's sister Pamela moved to New
Jersey and got involved in the Miss America Pageant. She invited her
brothers down for pageant, which included some "black tie" affairs.

The Lovely Bride isn't too crazy about this either. She thinks that Reggie's wife
looks down on us. She'd rather have us dress as we normally would for a
wedding and to heck with them. I pretty much agree, but I'm not happy with
the idea of looking out of place.

So whaddya think?

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Type: Question • Score: 6 • Views: 11,118 • Replies: 78

@George,

Hiya George!

Yeah, that's annoying.

"Requested" softens it a bit, but not much.

Can you talk to Reggie about it? "Hey, Reg, looking forward to seeing Niecy get married! Gonna be great. But hey, I'm not sure what to do about the tux situation..."

Maybe he'll say "eh, don't worry about it" and that's that. Or maybe it'll be clear that it's Really Important to him; which might involve shelling out for a rental.

2 Replies

@George,

George, do you own a dark, non-tuxic suit?

a few years ago i bought an all-purpose charcoal grey suit.
pretty much covers all the bases...

0 Replies

@George,

Buy one of those Tshirts that looks like a tux.

Or simply wear a black tie with your suit. It didn't say, Tux requested - it said Black Tie and then just act dumb.

1 Reply

@George,

do you have a tie you can have a go-at with a black sharpie?

or relatives you can gang up with and thus know there will be other folks dressed normally?

0 Replies

@George,

http://www.blacktieguide.com/Basics/3B_Dress_Codes2.htm

this sort of ties into my question - do you want to go to a black tie required wedding?

cuz "required" is quite a different word on those invites than preferred or requested

2 Replies

@George,

Quote:

The Lovely Bride isn't too crazy about this either. She thinks that Reggie's wife
looks down on us. She'd rather have us dress as we normally would for a
wedding and to heck with them. I pretty much agree, but I'm not happy with
the idea of looking out of place.

So whaddya think?

I think that you should keep your lovely (and smart) bride. I see no reason to shell out money for something that you don't want. If it were me, and the invitation said "required" instead of "requested", I might just stay home. I say wear a nice dark suit, and the heck with it!

I don't think that you will look out of place. I would suspect that there are many other invitees that feel the same way that you do.

1 Reply

Rent the tux, and instead of giving them a present, give them a note that says "I spent the money on your present renting a tux for the event"

1 Reply

@Phoenix32890,

Agree with Phoenix. If you're close with the nephew, i'd ask him directly how serious they are about this...maybe in a joke-y way ("It should be interesting to see uncle XY in a formal wear)...to get the point across that he might be unintentionally snubbing his own family....
I guess not going would be a bit harsh....going will be annoying and potentially costly.... I HATE when people do this. weddings should be family fun, not family torture.

0 Replies

@sozobe,

I don't know that it's all that important to Reggie. I'm sure it's damned
important to his wife and probably to his daughter. They really like to do it up
brown.

Funny thing is, when Reggie and Appollonia got married back in '75 or so, the
ushers (of which I was one) wore white tuxes with black trim, fire-engine red
ruffled shirts and black velvet butterfly bow ties. At the reception, the
appetizers were brought in under a flaming arch to the tune of "Disco Inferno".

0 Replies

@Nick Ashley,

Y'know, my Lovely Bride made the same suggestion.
I love it (but I just couldn't do it).

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George wrote:

Funny thing is, when Reggie and Appollonia got married back in '75 or so, the
ushers (of which I was one) wore white tuxes with black trim, fire-engine red
ruffled shirts and black velvet butterfly bow ties. At the reception, the
appetizers were brought in under a flaming arch to the tune of "Disco Inferno".

i soooo need to see a photo of George in that get-up...

1 Reply

@Region Philbis,

I wrote:
> white tuxes with black trim, fire-engine red
> ruffled shirts and black velvet butterfly bow ties.
Reege wrote:
> i soooo need to see a photo of George in that get-up...
No Functional Way

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@Linkat,

Quote:

Or simply wear a black tie with your suit. It didn't say, Tux requested - it said Black Tie and then just act dumb.

"act"?

0 Replies

@ehBeth,

Quote:

his sort of ties into my question - do you want to go to a black tie required wedding?

cuz "required" is quite a different word on those invites than preferred or requested

There are few weddings I want to go to. This ain't one of them. But family is
family.

There are black tie events I'd like to go to. But that would be by choice.
This is not by choice.

1 Reply

@George,

ahh, I'm too old to go to weddings I don't want to go to.

I decided a few years ago that if I don't REALLY care if the couple makes it, I'm not going. Also if there are wardrobe rules I don't care for ... or the location's inconvenient.

Takes a lot to get me to show up at a wedding.

0 Replies

Quote:

No Functional Way

s'okay... i got me a Mental Image... Mr. Green

0 Replies

@sozobe,

Why did I think it was "requested"?

"Required" IS a bit much.

How big of a deal would it be for you to not go?

edit: Oh, I was going by the title. Post body said "required."

2 Replies

@sozobe,

The thread title is "requested", but George then posted that it was "required".

Quite a difference in meaning and tone.

0 Replies

@sozobe,

Quote:

Why did I think it was "requested"?

"Required" IS a bit much.

How big of a deal would it be for you to not go?

edit: Oh, I was going by the title. Post body said "required."

Yikes! My bad.
It should have been "Requested".
Sorry for the confusion.
"Required" means "You damn well better look like a penguin."
"Requested" means "You want to look like trailer park trash, go ahead."

2 Replies

"Black Tie Requested"

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