0
   

Meeting a friend??

 
 
DianeK
 
Reply Mon 7 Jul, 2008 02:27 pm
ok, I'm new to this site, but i thought you might be able to help.

Right, I've been chatting to a friend I've never met before. He is male and I am female. He lives in America is married with a baby. I've been his friend for a while and we chat quite frequently about general things. He's my age and I feel we click very well as friends, have a good banter. I feel we have similar humour, tastes etc. At the start he's always kinda commented on the fact that he thinks I'm attractive. I've always taken this as banter and a joke because he is married etc. Never taken it seriously. He's joked about how he wants to get me into bed etc. I'm not sure if he's serious? I've not responded and just joked it off. When he mentioned it again I worked it round into saying that I wouldn't do anything like that because he's married and has a child etc. I would never do that. His response was that he honestly only wants to be my friend, but then later started cracking jokes about it again.

He's mentioned quite a few times that he comes to London on business and would like to meet up with me. I've made it clear that I just want to be friends (and part of me thinks yep that would be great in an ideal world). The point is I find myself wanting to meet up with him due to the conversations we've had online out of curiosity, but I only want it to be friendship. I'm curious to meet him if that makes sense because i feel we have a lot in common and no a fair bit about him.

Am I wrong for thinking we could have a friendship and men and women can just be friends? Do people meet up in these sorts of situations as friends? Is he after more and I'm being naive. Trouble is I thought it would be nice to have a friend, you know widen my circle even overseas, is this crazy?
  • Topic Stats
  • Top Replies
  • Link to this Topic
Type: Discussion • Score: 0 • Views: 1,366 • Replies: 32
No top replies

 
DianeK
 
  1  
Reply Mon 7 Jul, 2008 02:38 pm
should mention this is on facebook by the way.
0 Replies
 
JPB
 
  1  
Reply Mon 7 Jul, 2008 02:45 pm
My instincts are that any guy who jokes about getting you into bed isn't really joking, particularly since he came back to it again after you said you weren't interested in that kind of relationship.

If you do decide to meet him I would suggest a public place such as a restaurant and don't leave with him to go back to your place or his. Keep it public, keep it sane, and keep asking yourself why a married guy with a baby keeps talking about getting you into bed.
0 Replies
 
DianeK
 
  1  
Reply Mon 7 Jul, 2008 02:52 pm
Thanks JPB.

I think part of me can't keep my curiosity at bay. And another part wants to just widen my circle of friends friends friends. I'm trying to become more outgoing and independent in my life. Just wish it was a bit more simple though.
0 Replies
 
JPB
 
  1  
Reply Mon 7 Jul, 2008 02:54 pm
Would you say that your generally self-assured or more insecure in social situations?
0 Replies
 
DianeK
 
  1  
Reply Mon 7 Jul, 2008 02:56 pm
Nowadays I'd say I'm secure on my own. I've grown in confidence and strength as a person. I feel a lot of what's happened in my life has made me that way.
0 Replies
 
DianeK
 
  1  
Reply Mon 7 Jul, 2008 02:57 pm
What I mean to say was yes, I am secure in social situations.
0 Replies
 
Noddy24
 
  1  
Reply Mon 7 Jul, 2008 03:09 pm
I agree with JPB.

If he's joking about Bed Sports, he's thinking about Bed Sports and with his wife and baby an ocean away, he may well be capable of deciding that a long-distance, one-night stand is just what he deserves.

Note: He wants Bed Sports--not a loving relationship with you.

Public place, leave separately.
0 Replies
 
Izzie
 
  1  
Reply Mon 7 Jul, 2008 03:17 pm
Hey DianeK

Welcome to A2K

It's natural to be curious about folk you have been talking to online. You do need to be careful tho I think. I'm not sure how old you are - it could have a bearing on the guy - young lad with a little baby or older man with a baby. At the end of the day - the chap is married with a baby - but is joking around with you about getting you into bed. Where he's from is probably irrelevant I reckon.

Lotsa folk flirt harmlessly (in my opinion) online as they do in real life.... and you, having not met him personally at this point, are curious about him. But curiosity can be uncomfortable, as well as dangerous.

Have you ever spoken to the guy on the phone.... how long have you been friends?

I would just caution you a little.

Don't get me wrong - nothing wrong in making new friends and meeting new people - as long as the intentions from both sides are the same. Friendship is one thing... but do your other friends - real friends in the real world - joke about getting you into bed.

Just be careful girlie. If the guy is married, will his wife know he is meeting up with you in London. Just be a little cautious or even take someone with you if you meet the guy.

I've met people online who I do trust implicitly and wouldn't hesitate to meet in person - so I'm not judging your online relationship - he just seems to be a little "pushy" or over familar with something you appear to be uncomfortable with.
0 Replies
 
JPB
 
  1  
Reply Mon 7 Jul, 2008 03:19 pm
Diane, if you're growing in self esteem and want to widen your circle of friends then by all means do so. However, your conversations with your friend have caused little alarm bells to go off in your head. You wouldn't have asked your question otherwise, right?

If independence and self-assurance are fairly new to you then I'd also suggest bringing someone you know along to any meeting. Then you'll definitely have someone to leave with and won't need an excuse to go your separate ways afterwards. Your curiosity can be appeased, you may make a new friend, and you won't find yourself in an awkward position at the end.
0 Replies
 
Izzie
 
  1  
Reply Mon 7 Jul, 2008 03:25 pm
Yep..... ditto the JPB girl Very Happy
0 Replies
 
DianeK
 
  1  
Reply Mon 7 Jul, 2008 03:26 pm
hi Izzie
I'm in my thirties and so is he. He's a few years older. I know what you're saying, my common sense tells me exactly the same about being careful and public meeting places etc.

The flirting he has done I took as joking, but of course you never know and he is a bit pushy about meeting. I haven't spoken to him on the phone, but he's sent me his email address. I used it to send some funny circular.

You guys are helping me to work everything through in my head in order to make the right decision. It's definitely helping, thanks. Think I just need to mash a few things out with other listening ears about it. Think I'm realising his intentions are not honourable and it's not just a joke at times. What a shame but hey never mind!
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Mon 7 Jul, 2008 03:30 pm
Hi Diane - do you know if he's discussed his plan to meet with you with his wife?

I do think that if you're planning to meet with him that it's best if you arrange to meet for lunch somewhere - and do take along a friend.
0 Replies
 
JustBrooke
 
  1  
Reply Mon 7 Jul, 2008 03:34 pm
It's been my experience that when friends tell you that they'd love to get you in bed........they're not joking. If you laugh it off or let them know they don't have a chance...... 9 times out of 10 they will pretend they were joking. :wink: And sometimes.....that's the best thing they can do so you can quickly move away from it.

Yet....your friend continues to talk sexual with you.

Red flag!
0 Replies
 
DianeK
 
  1  
Reply Mon 7 Jul, 2008 03:34 pm
No I doubt he's told his wife somehow. All this is what has brought me to the forum. Something just seems to tell me it's not right. I wondered if other people had experienced this sort of thing and in this modern day with new channels of communication with people around the world whether it's kinda acceptable.

I'd hate to upset his wife and I think if it was me I would be worried, but then again i have always been a bit possesive :-)

Wondered what space and independence some women give/relationships are like.
0 Replies
 
DianeK
 
  1  
Reply Mon 7 Jul, 2008 03:37 pm
JustBrooke I should probably be more forceful in conversation with him when he brings this up to make it clearer.
0 Replies
 
wandeljw
 
  1  
Reply Mon 7 Jul, 2008 03:40 pm
Okay, I am both male and married. I have met online female friends BUT I told my wife beforehand.

It is a big red flag if this guy hasn't mentioned anything to his wife.
0 Replies
 
DianeK
 
  1  
Reply Mon 7 Jul, 2008 03:44 pm
i see what you're saying wandeljw.
Guess there is no way of me knowing if he does or doesn't.
Was thinking and always thought I'm pretty sure I could handle myself if I met him and he tried something on but that's not really the point is it?

Oh well, think I've made my mind up and it's a no go.
0 Replies
 
Izzie
 
  1  
Reply Mon 7 Jul, 2008 03:47 pm
It wouldn't be you upsetting his wife.... you haven't spoken to her to know if she would or wouldn't be upset...

thing is....

he may be married, he may not
he may have a baby, he may not
he may be the person on the photo, he may not

I don't know too much about facebook - do you chat separately or are you talking on a forum, like here, with a bunch of other folk. See here, we know one another and look out for one another - private conversations go on - but folk are all around you still - kinda keeping a lookout - so in my opinion only - it's a lot safer.

Are other people aware of you conversations or is it all private?

it's hard to know who you are really talking to when you are online.

I tend to trust online and in real life, until proven otherwise.

For me.... if I were you .... your head is telling you something is not quite right (leave alone that he's married with a baby and joking about sleeping with you) - listen to your head.

If you are going to meet him - and it's just about friendship - why not make it public???

there is no harm in meeting someone who is married and has a baby... you meet new people every day, in real life or online...

but this guy may or may not be the person he says he is.

I would suggest you at least talk to him on the phone before arranging any meeting. If he has nothing to hide - then, shouldnt be a problem.

Just be wary hun - if you meet - TAKE A REAL FRIEND WITH YOU.
0 Replies
 
DianeK
 
  1  
Reply Mon 7 Jul, 2008 03:47 pm
It's his talk of sex that spoils everything.
Dam why can't some men just be friends instead of thinking with their pants.
He is quite an intelligent man with good conversation/humour and nicety, what a shame he spoilt it..............although he says he doesn't want a shag!!!but just wants to be friends. So why even bring it up???

TUT!
0 Replies
 
 

Related Topics

A good cry on the train - Discussion by Joe Nation
I want to run away. I can't do this anymore. Help? - Question by unknownpersonuser
Please help, should I call CPS?? - Question by butterflyring
I Don't Know What To Do or Think Anymore - Question by RunningInPlace
Flirting? I Say Yes... - Question by LST1969
My wife constantly makes the same point. - Question by alwayscloudy
Cellphone number - Question by Smiley12
 
  1. Forums
  2. » Meeting a friend??
Copyright © 2024 MadLab, LLC :: Terms of Service :: Privacy Policy :: Page generated in 0.08 seconds on 12/27/2024 at 06:33:06