friends

I hope it was not a walk-behind mower.

You hope well...

Gosh, the vigor of the disapproval of intolerance here makes one wonder just how it is that so much of it manages to survive in this ever-so-virtuous world!

Some of the most intolerant people I know are very careful never to utter a word expressing their "incorrect" beliefs. Others merely entertain themselves with stories about the incredible beliefs held by the stupid people who think differently than they do.

I've had friends who've done things I probably wouldn't do, like have an abortion (not that I'm against them, mind), get married in Vegas after knowing the guy 1.5 months, make racial slurs, etc. I don't maybe agree with what they say or do but I still like them - I like them because I like them, after all - but I don't care what they think, as long as that attitude isn't pervasive in their whole thought processes and as long as they keep it (mostly) to themselves.

I flinch when I hear a racial, sexist or other slur. But when I consider the source, it's not always as cut and dried as "That's racist/sexist!". For example, a WWII vet who slurs against Germans is more understandable than someone of my era who had no experience with the whole Nazi regime. A 90-yr old talking about women is usually totally different than what you'd expect to hear from today's men. Ditto with women of that era - what they think your role in life should be, etc.

People should be allowed to express what they want and also to associate with who they want, so Dys, if that bothers you to the point where you don't want to remain friends, then don't remain friends. If you can allow him to be what he is, with the very odd comment appearing here and there, then okay to that.

Only you can weigh this up.

HA!

people feel that way when I make a joke about race...

they stare at me as if Im not supposed to do that

That is what makes the joke the best.
A stranger, would hate me.
People who know me realize that it is just THAT thought process that makes the joke funny.


I feel that way about miss toxic though.
I love her. She has been my friend for a long time and will remain so even though we dont agree on some fundamental issues...

she is still one of my dearest friends.

Oh, there are lots of them out there, not denying that. Personally, I can't stomach being around the most obvious of them, so I'm not subjected to the worst ignorance.

Not denying I know bigots. Again though, I wouldn't call them a friend. I wouldn't even say I'm friendly with them. I'm civil. Who knows though, if you asked one of them they might very well say "yeah, Chai's a friend" Some people have a very loose definition of friendship. Like dys, going through hard times together counts towards that.

I think I've shared this story.....

My boss is one of those fundy southern baptists. I can respect her feelings about certain things, as long as she doesn't try to make me a part of them. Which, in subtle ways, she occassionally has.

One incident that, well, didn't hurt me, but sure annoyed me, happened a few years ago.
My step-daughter was having a commitment ceremoney with her girlfriend. Turns out both of them had harbored fantasies of a really girly wedding one day.

all righty then, 2 brides. 2 gowns, 2 rings, 2,2,2. It wasn't the most lavish of affairs, but it did take saving up for all that stuff. Good thing was there were all sorts of parents/step-parents to share the expense.

Beautiful pictures were taken, and proudly displayed at my home. However, at that time, I didn't want to deal with the deafening silence a wedding portrait of them on my desk at work would promise. You know what though? Today that picture would be front and center.

Anyway, right before the wedding a new employee started at the office. Her daughter, who lived on the other side of the state, was going to be getting married maybe a month after ours. I came back from our wedding, and the boss shortly after said to me. "Let's chip in and buy Mary's daughter a wedding gift."
I said, "Well, I don't even know her, and I barely know Mary at this point"

Boss said huffily "Well, I just think it would be nice to show that Mary is welcome here by getting her daughter a wedding gift."

I said "But I've worked her 7 or 8 years, and you didn't buy my step-daughter a wedding gift"

Honestly? I can't remember what her answer was. Didn't matter anyway.

I'm sure she couldn't imagine buy a wedding gift for "my" wedding, as it wasn't "real".....I just can't see that.

Funny thing is, the 2 womens relationship didn't last. They ended up breaking up a couple years later. Then again, my first marriage broke up in a couple years.

I can hear the homophobes saying "well, there was a big wedding and it didn't even last...that's because they're gay." Honestly, that's my big concern about backlash about legalizing gay marriage. Every time one fails, some bigot will point out it was because of their going against the bible, or something.

SD has a new girlfriend now, seems like a much better match. When they come to visit next month I'm gonna take a really nice picture of the 2 of them, and put it in my office.

sorry, edit.

I'm not sure if this comes under bigoted, but you know what I hate?

I don't go around announcing the sexual orientation of my friends or family, but, if it germaine to the conversation, it'll be mentioned, matter of factly.

I have had several occassions where I've been asked something like "does your step dtr have a boyfriend" or something similar. I'll say "No, she's gay, but she has a lovely girlfriend"

More than once, the response has been...."oh, I'm sorry"

The only other statement I make that gets that response occassionally is when I'm asked "Do you have children?" and I say "No, I've never had any." I will say I don't add in "and never wanted any" because so many people take that to mean you don't like children. I do say the gay part about step-daughter, not to announce it, but because if she was hetero and I got that question, I wouldn't just answer "Yes", I'd say "Yes, and he's a really great guy"

Bigotry within the family....

You have a baby and look at it in wonder, loving him more than you thought was humanly possible.

Why would you disown, tell them they're no longer your son or daughter, or be ashamed of them if they were homosexual?

Did you love end because they didn't meet your expectations?

That makes as much sense as disowning your child because they didn't make the swim team.

Same for marrying someone of a different color/religion.

Apparantly you didn't love your child as much as you professed, or you would realize they are the same person they were when you thought they were a miracle.

Bigory takes many forms and has many objects. Some are more fashionable as objects of popular scorn than others, though fashions in this area as in others vary over time. Some forms of bigotry are in fact quite in fashion these days. However, it is always a great mistake to be found guilty of any of the unfashionable forms of bigotry.

Can you give some examples of each please?

I'm confident you can think of several without my help.

Yep.

No, I'm being serious, I'm relaxing on a Saturday, and my brains working at 50%....I really can't.

I mean, don't cop out. If you make a statement and someone asks for detail, don't lob it back into my court. I wanted to get some information, so I could think about it.

If you think you shouldn't need to explain what you say when someone politely asks, then I'll just ask someone else.

Mame, can you please give some examples?

I'm going out for a while, I'll read answer later.

I'm lost, but interested too, Chai.

I'm very familiar with this conundrum, Dys. It happens to me with uncomfortable regularity. More than once I've found myself staring into a mirror, thinking, "Man, if there's one thing I can't tolerate, it's intolerance."

:wink:

fashionable bigotry.

anyone?

anyone?

Bueller?