amendment of write-up

1. If you are going on pilgrimage in June, August or October, you can apply now by submitting a photocopy of your passport and stating the dates of your pilgrimage.

2) Please write the name of your group and your telephone number/s and name of group on the photocopy of your passport. Applications will be processed on a first-come, first-served basis. No applications will be accepted after the available vacancies are filled.

3) If you are going on pilgrimage in November, please wait for an announcement regarding when to collect and submit the application form.

1. You just need to add articles (the, a) to clarify your intent. However, is there an application form that goes along with the passport copy? You should mention that here.

2. I would mention the group name first. I assume you want the telephone numbers and group name on the photocopy of the passport that you will use to process the application. If you want it to be shorter, you could leave out the whole second sentence ("Applications will be processed...").

3, I would delete the words "collect and", as your pilgrims could obtain a copy of the application form any time, and submit it when they are notified to do so.

Many thanks, Wy.