How to tell?

Maybe one of you can take a picture of her when her cheeks are showing and put it on the fridge with others of her so it would be a subtle message. If she sees and doesn't care, leave it be.

Edit: Don't let Shewolf take it, though, because it would look cool and arty and she'd never wear long tops!

I agree, she can wear what she wants, but I ALSO agree that I would not want to be exposed to someones rear end all day either.

Not that I find it nasty.. I just dont want to see it.

And just as she has as much right to wear what she wants, the owner of the house has the right to ask for certain rules and boundaries..


-lovemyfamily-
Is your humor and hers such that you could ... maybe make a light hearted joke about seeing her bottom ? and then follow with something a bit more serious?
I dont think it offensive to anyone to say something like very honest.." when you wear those pants, I can see a lot of your backside when you do ______ . Can you maybe wear a longer shirt or something? I would appreciate it"

It isnt rude, It isnt putting her on the spot it is just honest and straight forward. If she is as nice as you think she is, she will absolutely understand.

It is entirely possible she may not know how MUCH of her butt shows in those pants! We dont make a point of looking at our backsides in the mirror several times a day..

Have you not bought jeans lately?

I have.

Finally found a pair that fit great, felt great, a size smaller than I thought Id need ... wore them the first time and fought the whole time to keep them from exposing my crack.

I'm wondering after my three week search for a pair of jeans if they even make a pair that is long enough in the crotch to cover ones ass.

That's not just the style, it's what is available. Probably easier to address your husband than your niece. I agree that she can wear what she wants. If she were in my house I wouldn't have a problem saying "Hey, did you know you are broke? I see a crack and so does your Uncle!" Then leave it to her to decide what to do.

She is looking for her own place, right? Let it go or treat it lightly.

Fear not, they'll be out of style one of these days.

I understand her, and LMF and husband. I'm more for the 'she can wear what she wants' view... within reason.

though I well remember being snarky about mr. undies of boston, and amazed at certain forebearance on that issue, not a dissimilar issue.

Will look forward to how this is resolved, or isn't.

Of course she has the right to wear whatever she wants! But part of being an adult is acknowledging that there are consequences to our choices. In this case, her choice of clothing is embarrassing to her hosts. And they certainly shouldn't be made to feel uncomfortable in their own home.

Once told, a polite guest would simply change into something less revealing. After all, which is more important: her right to do wear what she wants, or her hosts' feelings?

The same could apply to drinking in someone else's house, or watching TV 'til 2 a.m., or taking 45-minute showers, or any of a hundred other things that are not at all wrong in and of themselves, but which might make a host uncomfortable.

IMO, "rights" are not as important as thoughtfulness and consideration.

And, at least sometimes, a person might not have a clue if the hosts don't express their feelings. I still don't know, but see your point, Eva.

Eva, you make a good point - respect for your hosts. I never thought of it that way.

Not only that.. no one is taking away her right to wear what she wants

she can still wear that stuff when she goes out all the time.

No one should take away her rights...that's not what I meant. I don't think LMF and her husband (or anyone!) should set RULES for guests in their home. That's not being hospitable!

But if hosts are uncomfortable with something a guest is doing, I think they should tell him/her. In a friendly way, of course. And the guest should offer to change what they're doing. That's just good manners.

It's also called "getting along with people."

Wow.. very eloquent. Thanks Eva. I share the same thoughts. It's more of what we can vs. what we should. Moreover, I don't want her to give up those Jeans.

Squinney.. I could not agree more. I have gone through the same frustration with jeans. The ones I like and the ones I want are n't being manufactured anymore.

Shewolf..thanks for the suggestion. I think a light hearted joke will work the best. I have been looking at buying her a start_of_ working_life gift. So something along the lines of.. nice a$$ but how I wish I was not seeing it all day, so I got you this extra long shirt only for home.

Ossobuco and few others mentioned she may not be aware how much was showing. Yes, I agree, we are not in the habit of checking out our back all day long. So unless I tell her, she will not know.

Thanks guys.. you are awesome

just wanted to update on this one...

Something else worked. One day she wanted to go shopping and generally asked me which store I picked my trousers from. I saw this as an oppurtunity. I told her how difficult it was to find a trouser I liked , high waist and how there was only one store where you could still find those antiquated stuff. I mentioned how I do not want to show the cleavage when children are around the house... She did not comment..

I never saw the cleavage anymore. She only wears long shirts from then on.

Thanks guys.

from your mouth to God's ears, osso! honestly, whose idea was it? gah.

either way, glad to hear, LMF, that you have peace and harmony restored to your household.