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Mon 26 May, 2008 04:00 am
I had a 'one night stand' or what I thought was going to be a one night stand two nights ago. It was okay; decent sex considering the amount of alcohol we consumed. He was less attractive in the morning than I remembered him being at night. But it was still a good thing. It was nice to touch somebody and to be touched, and I think I was able to let most of my guilt about this sort of thing go.
I told him I didn't expect him to contact me afterward (I'm in France, he was heading back to London the next day). But he insisted. And he has. I have plans to visit a friend in London in two weeks, and he wants to see me when I come. I'm not sure about it, but I think I am going to accept because he offered to buy me good Indian food. Oh yeah, and he seems like a nice guy.
Do you think I should just let it be a one night stand or should I see if it has the potential to be more? In other words, does sleeping with somebody right away kill the possibility for connecting in other ways???
When I met my husband, neither he nor I thought it would ever be more than a few weeks of fun.
That was over seven years ago.
So nothing is impossible.
Why would sleeping with someone right away kill other possibilities?
I never did understand how sex got such a bad rep . Sex doesnt kill anything. It is the attitude people have that kills things. We are sexual beings.We are supposed to have sex, not repress it... not put rules on it.. etc..etc.
That being said.. I too have the same situation Bohene writes about.
My husband was a one night/one day stand while I was on vacation.
7 years ago..
Re: Do one night stands ever turn into more?
Sorry, DJ, but this made me laugh:
daniellejean wrote: I am going to accept because he offered to buy me good Indian food.
I say do what feels right and/or good. It could just be a delightful interlude or it could turn into something more meaningful. Either way, you'll be enjoying yourself and so, presumably, will he. What's wrong with that?
I suppose that's true. I guess enjoying myself seems admirable enough. But I'm just a little bit ashamed because there was alcohol involved. And not just a little bit.
If it goes on more than the one night, then by definition it's not a one-night-stand.
Hon, get over it. Don't judge yourself harshly. He was obviously impressed and that's all that matters.
Why be ashamed?
So what? You had sex. SO WHAT.
Stop living the way you think others would want you to , and start living for you. If you like to have sex with different people so be it
Live in your shoes and be comfortable.
f/k what others think
"stand"? I prefer horizontal.
My first and only affair was a result of a one night stand
Re: Do one night stands ever turn into more?
daniellejean wrote:In other words, does sleeping with somebody right away kill the possibility for connecting in other ways???
Not unless you let yourself feel guilty over it.
I don't understand it either....if you have a connection, there's nothing wrong with acting on it.
I mean, if I wasn't waiting for marriage, I would think this.
If your "affair" turns out to be a two night stand, what have you lost?
Romance may flourish--or it may not.
Just keep thinking about what you need rather than what Mrs. Grundy is going to say.
I guess this is all true. I just have a hard time letting go of the guilt over these sorts of things. And I don't think I am alone in that. There is something big about sex and it comes with all sorts of expectations, even if we don't want it to. Well, for most everybody except the Samantha Joneses of this word.
You should read David Deida "finding God through sex" and Thomas Moore "the soul of sex". The problem that we face (for an American at least) is that most people are not good at sex, they don't know themselves well enough to be able to explore the erotic and they are not interested in investing enough of themselves into the project to ever get good at it. It takes some searching to find partners who can explore the erotic with you.
The point is: if the sex is good then the erotic aventure is reward enough. If the sex is also good for your partner then it is likely that he will do his part to make a "relationship" work. Good sex is worthwhile in its own rights, and is a doorway to more, thus there is no reason to feel bad about one night stands.
Admittedly, most don't turn out like this one did, but we'll be celebrating our 25th anniversary this summer.
Does that answer your question?
daniellejean wrote:There is something big about sex and it comes with all sorts of expectations,
it doesn't have to be "something big" and it doesn't have to come with expectations. it's up to you what you make of it.
there can be great sex that is simply sex, there can be great sex that's the beginning of a great relationship <shrug>
if it's great sex, you're already ahead of things
Mame wrote:Standing can be fun
Handstands are great, too.... :wink:
dlowan wrote:Mame wrote:Standing can be fun
Handstands are great, too.... :wink:
what do you do with your ears?
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