An inference on my part for the purposes of discussion, not to devine your intent. It's not uncommon that formal social settings reflect a lower level of intimacy.
Green Witch wrote:Chumly wrote: OK......if it's presumably nothing to do with "material crap" then you are going to have to explain why a house is not material as it's the basis for the celebration.
We are talking about a home and a baby. I think her family and friends would help her celebrate if she invited them to a cave she fixed up a budget. They will not judge her on how much alcohol she can afford to give them - or whether or not she has a hot tub, or big screen TV or in-ground swimming pool or a leather sofa...
I can't speak for your dog, but I know I love my husband as much when he gives me presents as when he's just nice to me.
What if your assessment of value does not meet with your friend's assessment of value? What inherently makes buying a house of more value than renting and putting the extra funds into an investment portfolio over time?
As to babies, firstly I am not saying you should or should not celebrate having a baby however, did you see the Sex & The City episode called "The baby shower"?
Chumly wrote:Green Witch wrote:Chumly wrote:It does not make sense to be generous to strangers and cheaper with friends.
Really Chumly, this is about sharing, love and joy not material crap. Bella is not being cheap. She wants people to join with her in the celebration of her new family and home. People who love her will not care if she serves them bread and water.
Should she not have a party because she can't afford to set up a free bar?
OK......if it's presumably nothing to do with "material crap" then you are going to have to explain why a house is not material as it's the basis for the celebration.
My post was in response to mismi's post where it's suggested you should reduce costs with friends and increase costs with strangers. That to me sounds backwards!
Now......can you buy love? Well my dog seems to love me more when I feed her liver
Yep I do think you have a responsibility to your friends that exceeds that of strangers, and yep I do think that affection / satisfaction (if not love) can be a product of the environ.
It's not about the house so much as an excuse to get the family together. We're not showing off the house. We are celebrating our family (me, the mr., the babe and the dogs) with our extended family.
Oh and no one is bringing presents, nor did I ask them to, nor do I expect any.
Green Witch wrote:Chumly wrote: OK......if it's presumably nothing to do with "material crap" then you are going to have to explain why a house is not material as it's the basis for the celebration.
We are talking about a home and a baby. I think her family and friends would help her celebrate if she invited them to a cave she fixed up a budget. They will not judge her on how much alcohol she can afford to give them - or whether or not she has a hot tub, or big screen TV or in-ground swimming pool or a leather sofa...
I can't speak for your dog, but I know I love my husband as much when he gives me presents as when he's just nice to me.
As discussed, I suggest that human social interactions, even intimate ones, are not as idealistic as you wish to believe.
What if your assessment of value does not meet with your friend's assessment of value? What inherently makes buying a house of more value than putting the funds into an investment portfolio over time? After all there are nomadic tribes that would frown upon buying a house and the materialism of land ownership.
As to babies, I am not saying you should or should not celebrate having a baby however, did you see the Sex & The City episode called "The baby shower"?
What can I say Chumly, we live in different worlds.
I have never seen Sex & the City. I do not have nor desire cable or satellite TV. My six (7 when the sky is clear) channels are more than enough.
Celebration of land ownership is in part the product of our industrialized materialistic culture, recall the nomadic reference. I gather you own land.
Interestingly there is a modern nomad called the perpetual traveler which refers to both a lifestyle and a philosophy.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perpetual_traveler
Nobody's bringing presents???? Not for the house. Not for the NEW BABY???
I think it's just fine.
I have a housewarming to go to soon - and personally, I take it as a given to bring some booze.
I mean, the people just bought a house. They aren't expected to front all the booze costs. They are feeding me. (Feeding is a must. Not feeding IS tacky...but you are giving them BBQ which is tasty delicious
.
And not asking for presents is smart. People will bring them regardless usually.
I know I will be.
I think the host of a housewarming should provide: most food, most non booze drinks, lots of comfy seating....as you are doing.
Congrats on the house Bella! That's exciting. Even with the mortgage:)
Hard to know your relatives from here. If you sent invites re a housewarming, they may be bearing gifts. Some of them may even be confused.
Hey Bella, cross off all the Nomads from your guest list.
Going Mobile - The Who
I'm goin' home, and when I want to go home I'm goin' mobile
Well, I'm gonna find a home on wheels, see how it feels goin' mobile
Keep me movin'
I can pull up by the curb, I can make it on the road goin' mobile
I can stop in any street, invitin' people that we'd meet, goin' mobile
Keep me movin'
Out in the woods or in the city
It's all the same to me
When I'm drivin' free the world's my home
When I'm mobile
Hee-hoo, beep beep
Play the tape machine, making toast and tea when I'm mobile
Well, I can lay in bed with only highway ahead when I'm mobile
Keep me movin'
Keep me movin', over fifty
Keep me groovin', just a hippy gypsy
Come on, move now, movin'
Keep me movin', yeah
Keep me movin' movin' movin', yeah, movin', yeah
Mobile mobile mobile ...
I don't care about pollution
I'm an air-conditioned gypsy
That's my solution
Watch the police and the tax-man miss me
I'm mobile
Wheee yeah, hi-hi
Mobile mobile mobile, yeah
eoe wrote:Nobody's bringing presents???? Not for the house. Not for the NEW BABY???
They might be. Who knows?
ossobuco wrote:Hard to know your relatives from here. If you sent invites re a housewarming, they may be bearing gifts. Some of them may even be confused.
I sent evites. Which are pretty casual, right?
yep. They're cute too. But only if they're going to people like us, who are on their computers ALOT. Otherwise, they're seen and then forgotten about so I'd back up the evites with a phone call.
Mmm, I don't know about casual, I like emailed communication myself, though depending on the invitees, I can see a phone call back up. Just if you used the word 'housewarming', some may automatically bring a gift. I know I would. Don't know about your relatives.
You know, I didn't think about that implication.
I don't expect any one to bring gifts.
Maybe I should follow up with a "no need to bring a gift"?
Could be a generational thing, me being an oldie.
No, I mean, any time we are invited to a new home (party or just the two of us) we bring a bottle of wine or something like that.
I don't know why I didn't think about the implications of my wording.
Probably because I am exhausted.
Why do you not want any gifts? There's nothing wrong with it. You're opening your new home, introducing your new baby, should you receive a gift or two, or a dozen, won't necessarily make you a bad or greedy person. Especially when you've responded appropriately in the past yourself. Now it's your turn. We should all get a turn, right?
