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Mon 1 Sep, 2003 06:59 am
The Book of Righteous Screed[/b][/color][/size]
Chapter the First: Butt-kicking for Goodness
Verse 1: Yea, verily, i say unto ye, had God not wanted us to have thermonuclear devices, She would not have created Robert Oppenheimer and Enrico Fermi.
Verse 2: Know ye this, Bretheren and Sisterns--only when all those offensive unto Her sight have been removed, with extreme prejudice, will the righteous and well-heeled enjoy the full blessings of Her munificent mercy.
Verse 3: George is really starting to piss Her off.
Verse 4: For God so loved the World, She gave her only begotten Celestial Tax Accountant that we might prosper.
Verse 5: Therefore, it is for the the Faithful to remove all the impoverished and weird from Her sight, not forgetting the vile tree-huggers, so that we, the Chosen, the Elect, may re-take Miami Beach, and live in Divine Prosperity.
Amen.
Do you serve a meal with the sermon? If not, I think I'll just pass. There's a mission down the road...
Miss eBeth is cookin' pertaters an' eggeses even as we squeak -- she chopped up lotser onions in the taters, and the smell is makin' me crazy . . .
EB, Miss eBeth wanted me to also mention the fine sausage which she has added to the taters . . .
In that case, hit me with all the holiness you got.
(skittering quickly to the left, scanning the skies for incoming lightning)
Think I'll sit quietly in my pew, bottle of port to swig from. - Hey, is that breakfast coming soon? And, oh yeah: hallelujah!
add some cheddar, in cheese's name to pray
Honey, we got any cheese fer the righteous?
Too strong for the righteous, cheddar - some edam for the undamned, darlin'!
Long as the butt getting kicked ain't mine.
Put yer hands on the CRT, can you feel the power ? ! ? ! ?
i save whales, damn near have the whole set.
i always stay starboard ( except when i am a raging lefty)
I may lay down in the aisle and go to sleep. Wanna wake me when the sermon begins?
out looking for a mount (strawberry roan)
Testify -
I was livin me life as an Anglican
Let me tell you how I changed to a Baptist man
One night I was walkin down Fred'rick Street
Poor and hungry no shoes on me feet
I passed a door that said "Down with sin"
It was the smell of food that oulled me in
Well the leader walked up and he shook my hand
Said "I want you to be a holy man"
Right away I made a quick decision
Me stomach was growling but as to religion
I started over to get some food
When some sisters approached me in a mystic mood
They dunked me in the water bout four five times
I couldn't see a thing cause I was almost blind
Singing I got a sword in my hand
I'm going to use it well
(Deliver me)
I was drenched to me skin and I was feeling cold
But the sight of the food made me take ahold
The sisters started to break away
They said "Kneel believers kneel and pray"
I pray-a and I pray-a in a new found style
In the meantime me tastebuds was running wild
I was about to fall clear out of me seat
When a man jumped up and said "Before you eat
You got to moan children moan
You got to moan children moan
And if you want to go to heaven when you die
You got to moan children moan"
Well before I baptized I had plenty pain
Now I find myself a free man again
Don't talk bout the leaders they treat me good
Plenty sweet toil and plenty food
Brother it was then that I realized
Every man on Earth should be baptized
from the pen of Theophilus Woods
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