My boyfriend is bi....

Tara--

Welcome to A2K.

You don't say how old you and your bf are. Ages are probably very relevant here.

Lovers don't come with guarantees. A bi-guy could leave you for a man--or for another woman. A straight guy could leave you for another woman. A mystic could leave you for God.

I'd be more concerned at the way your bf's story is changing....a brief episode....and experience...a month of dating....

Perhaps you're the only person he has to talk to and is using you as a sounding board to process a major life experience.

Meanwhile, he's not ready to settle down--and on some level you know this. You can't establish lifetime bonds when one partner is still in the throes of basic self-discovery.

Be friendly if you like, but don't toss your heart into his keeping. He's not responsible yet and you shouldn't be hurt because of his identity confusion.

YUP
What Noddy says!

Gad! That woman is so wise.

True, True. (sigh) Why do any of us bother entering the room after her?

In my next life I wanna be Noddy.

Hi, Tara. Listen to Noddy.

Yeah, what makes you so sure he won't leave you for another woman?

A friend of mine is married to someone bi. It's just like every other relationship.

If you love your partner, you stay faithful, regardless of your sexual orientation.

Yup. The question isn't what his sexual orientation is; the question is, is he willing to be monogamous?

Well, it might be what his sexual orientation is, if it turns out he likes guys a lot more than he likes women (or woman).

It seems to me that being monogamous for a bisexual is far more complicated than being either heterosexual or homosexual. If a couple is of the same sexual orientation, they can choose to be faithful to the person that he/she marries. If one is bisexual, there will always be something "missing" within the relationship. No one person can satisfy the bisexual, because of the nature of the orientation.

Oh sure, someone who is bisexual can commit to another person and be faithful to that person. It seems to me though that the person will often be caught up in a web of frustration, if he/she is unable to give expression to the bisexuality.

My friends husand is still attracted to men. They look at the same guys sometimes. But he'd never consider cheating on her.

Love doesn't know if you are male or female when you're bi. If you fall in love, you fall in love, period.

Why should being attracted to men and women make this any different?

There are places known as gay beats, where men, often married, go to pick up / have sex with other men (and I'm not talking about bars - secluded/bush parks).

The point of bringing that up is that many women are married to bi men, and they don't even know it (strangely enough these bi men often consider themselves straight). You have a chance to talk about it with him, which is better than the married women in the other boat. The question is, how willing is he to discuss it, and be honest about it. We can't answer that. That's something for you to work out.

Also, protection from STDs (including HIV) for the woman is a much greater issue in a bi relationship than a hetero one. Not that you shouldn't use protection regardless, but it's a must in a bi relationship.

At least you know he's bi. You're going into this with your eyes open. Why would someone who's bi telling you he wants to be with you for the rest of your life have any greater likelihood of being an act than the same line from a purely hertero guy? He's either telling the truth or he isn't. I don't see how his sexual orientation sways his statements towards the lying end of the scale.

Nods to JPB..

His being bi and his questionable willingness to agree to monogamy might be a problem for some women, but in my opinion the major problem is that he acts like he does not know who he is and what he wants. Words that he wants you must be matched with action, and so far they have not been.

He needs to be tested, to be pushed away to see if he will go away, to see how badly he wants you. No matter how much you want him, if he does not feel the same way about you the project is doomed.

huh? Tested and pushed away? more bs from the artist.

No kidding! That is REALLY bad advice.

You just have to figure out whether his judgment is solid right now, or if he needs time to sort it all out. (I'd vote for more time.)

Thanks for all the advice you guys,

Noddy, wow amazing.

my other issue is this....does he need that masculine sexual satisfaction in his life if his bi....

Probably.

oh and for the people who wanted to know....

here are some more facts

im 21, hes 20

i was the one who asked for him back, and he said he was feeling the exact same way and the reason it took soo long was because of outting himself as a bi and knowing whether i would accept it or not....

I tried to edit.

I changed it from probably to yes, absolutely.

I think it depends on where he is on a continuum of sexual orientation. sozobe once posted an excellent article on how each of us fall somewhere along this continuum from 100% heterosexual to 100% homosexual. Bi doesn't necessarily mean 50/50. I think she's away for a couple days, I'll see if I can find the post and link it here...

An interesting problem. It seems to me that a bisexual man or woman can be faithful in a heterosexual relationship with no more of the pressures to cheat than does a "completely" heterosexual individual. Also, a bisexual who is tempted to cheat may be said to be ambivalent regarding genders as well as individuals. He may be tempted to have sex with another "man"--in the abstract--not just with a particular man.
Leonard Berstein, the composer-pianist-conductor, parted from his wife to live with another man for a while but returned to her successfully, as I understand it. Aldous Huxley's wife, Maria, was gay or bisexual, and, while she indulged her sexuality in her youth, I think they were happily married. Or as happy as humans can expect to be in their marriages.
I know a woman who's bisexual husband had gay relationships--with reasonable precautions, I hope--and she was not jealous of his lovers because she believed he loved only her: that his betrayals were not so much to her to her gender. That may have been the case with Bernstein.