Dumps Like Heavy

Yeah, dag, I think I must be a guy, too. I'm actually looking for advice when I vent. How to deal with this or that. What was that person thinking? Where were they coming from? What did they really want? Why would they do that?

One of my sisters is the same, but the others just want to vent it out. My ex loves to solve problems and so do I so we would listen to each other, provide support, then offer practical suggestions. We still do that together. I like to hear another point of view and sometimes their advice is nothing I would have come up with - even if it's just a perspective difference.

Chum:

It takes practice, it took me a couple of marriages and many several relationships to learn to shut up and listen rather than to start formulating plans.

Learn to say "gosh" "wow" and "oh man." softly, you're listening but the problems being described as NOT yours.

What she is doing is listening to herself review her circumstances. Unless she asks, do not offer any advice.

IF she asks, offer suggestions, ask what she thinks of an idea, don't say "Here what you do."


Joe(Let me know if you want to know the secret to buying her a gift.)Nation

Yah! Let me know the secret to buying her a gift.

Agreeing with Dag, oh, no, not again.

I'm fixit queen/person in distress who won't tell you her own stuff until she works it out, who has also learned, mostly, to just listen and not express bromides.


The heart of the matter is that some people talk too much, and are missing shut-up now monitors. Might or might not be from nobody listening before.
Sort of like when you visit old people and they go on and on (a pattern I understand more now).


Some, of course, go on and on for good reason. But some, past that. Once in a while, I've been that someone, so I see both, or more than both, viewpoints.

hold your fire till you have a target

I'm not married and as a result, I've become more reserved and reliant on myself, therefore I don't vent a lot and I attempt to ride out some of my trouble spots/anxieties quietly (this has not always been the case).

I do think marriage encourages the points Chumly has raised. Have you ever been on the receiving end of conversation with a woman in the middle of planning her wedding? She's incapable of talking about anything else.

Or, I have an acquaintence who I see at the pool where I swim who is now pregnant and inevitably all the conversation comes round to her.

The news alert is-- it's not all about them, but it gives them a chance to step out of ordinary life albeit, briefly, while maintaining their traditional role in the contract of marriage culture.

I think this is where the venting thing comes from, as well.