Possibly jumping the gun??

Yes, you are moving too fast. After a five year relationship, you need time to be with yourself, to learn about who you are. It is the height of folly to become involved with anyone so soon after a separation.

IMO, just keep everything on a friendly basis, and don't look for more. As a friend, It really doesn't matter whether he is single or married.

Another thing........Does he know about your recent separation? When I was first divorced, men who had been friends, men who had been part of couples that we had gone out with, saw me as an easy "mark", and attempted to hit on me. First time it happened, I was completely shocked.

As a newly spearated woman, you are in a vulnerable state. Give yourself time to settle into this role before looking for another relationship. Good luck!

He doesn't know about my separation, we are still in the beginning stages of some casual talk with a little bit of flirting from him.

I am just interested in getting to know him, as he is just seems to be an all around gentleman.

Hellokitty--

I agree with Phoenix. You're wide open for a disastrous rebound relationship. Even if your Ex wasn't much good, unfaithfulness in the first year of marriage is a blow to your ego.

Get to know men as friends first--then as potential romance. Practice on this guy--flirting is good for your self-esteem--but don't get your heart involved for a year or two.

Remember, right now you are a Dedicated Career Woman and Dedicated Career Women don't need to be distracted by turbulent love--or potentially turbulent love.

Hello,

Most people do need time to grieve for the loss of the relationship, work out what went wrong (on both sides) with the relationship, and (often) need time to find themselves as an individual again.

With working out what went wrong...the flip is working out what you want from your next relationship....and the total of both - is being settled enough in your mind to be able to enter another relationship that is fair to both you and the other person - all that takes time.

I guess there are always exceptions, but they would be very few and far between.

99% of the answers are going to be "slow down, learn to be OK alone with yourself, learn to love you more, learn what you want more, then look for a man"

As usual, i go the other way. Just as I don't assume in general that addictions are bad and must be attacked, I don't assume that jumping from man to man is a bad thing. Women have done it, done it well, and been very happy. The trick is do it well, which means that you must be able to pick the right men. If you develop a history of not picking the right men, or if you don't know what "right" for you is, then I go with the others.

You need to branch out.

I think you are enjoying getting some attention. There is nothing wrong with that.

But all that says really is that you are in need of some attention. Not that you are ready to date.

I don't know if you are ready to date or not. Do you?

You don't want to jump the first man that comes your way. You want the men you choose to date to be your choice out of many options, not a choice that is made out of convenience.

See what else is out there and reassess whether you want to pursue him or not. Getting to know him will come naturally once you see ALL the available options out there for you.

One of those options, of course, is happily single.

I'm not ready to date at all. I, of course, do like the attention because I would have to tell my husband that he wasn't giving me attention. He was distracted by planning a life with his daughter and the ex.

I guess I just really want to get to know some people, kind of see what I am looking for in someone and when I am ready, I don't blow it by sounding like a fool. This guy could be my practice material!

HelloKitty--

Practice makes perfect.

""CASUAL TALK WITH SOME FLIRTING FROM HIM"

Why is he flirting with you?

He MUST know or get the sense that you are "available."

I know how it is to be very lonely in a marriage - for a long time.
You are starving for attention. And once free, you want that attention.

I don't have any advice for you, but know that you will have "transition men" at this stage of your new life. These men will be there until you can get yourself together and realize exactly what you want for the future.
Just be sure they are SINGLE.

P.S. You are NOT single yet, you are just separated. You haven't even started the divorce proceedings, yet. Easy Does It.

Finding someone so soon after your separation only ensures you will find another person just like your ex.

Slow down. Take some time to change and you will attract different people.

Smart. Practice material.

I found out that he is single, a few years younger than me, which I don't know how I couldn't handle that in a normal situation. But he has been scraping off my car every night, making sure that I get to my car and he doesn't do this with any one else. Makes comments like "well I will be here all weekend, you could always come and visit me so I don't have to be bored the whole time".

He doesn't know my situation and I think he is great. I am not getting into a relationship but I do like talking with him. He's actually the complete opposite of my soon to be ex husband.

Who knows.....he's just nice and we are friends. I think that I would have a problem that he is 24 and I am 27. I think that age difference would bother me anyways.

Hellokitty--

Don't rob the cradle--practice on the nice innocent lad.

You're not ready for a relationship, but flirting is fun.

I will see where things fall. I told him I will bring him by coffee on my way back from my friends house. Because he's done a lot for me this week at work. So I will return the favor.

As for my ex, he won't even call me back and I have his ex which I should say gf bothering me and having all her friends contacting me and I want it to stop. I called him about this for 2 days....no consideration or response!!!!! Such a jerk. he can do what ever he likes and all of her immature friends want to rub it in like it hurts me. It just makes me mad that they stoop that low to try and make me upset. It just makes me mad because its childish and I am still recovering over my grandfather right now. The loss of my husband is actually a loss. I just miss doing certain things with people and he was the one I did it with, but I don't need nor want him to be that person ever again.

HelloKitty--

You might ask his Ex's Oh-So-Helpful Friends why he won't show up and sign the paperwork so that you can be free.

I bet that would shut them up.

Don't be bitchy--just ask them to pass on the message--through his Ex, if necessary.

Coffee is a Good Idea. Right now, friends are better than boyfriends.

I just don't want to engage into any conversation with someone that she is associated with. He called me late yesterday and was upset about things and how he thinks of me....blah blah blah.

He said he would take care of everything and I asked about my papers, he said he didn't do them yet. It's so frustating because I want to move on knowing we don't have any more ties, but he is too busy procrastinating.

Anyways, I had to go past my work last night and he was there so I did bring him coffee and we talked for about an hour. I did gather that he is in a relationship, nothing serious and she's starting to pressure him about marriage.

I told him that it was just friendly coffee because he was nice and I didn't want him to think it was anything more. He totally understand and was a gentleman about it. I thought that I originally gathered that he was single because I may not of brought him coffee due to the fact that I am not tryinig to "steal" him and I wouldn't want to hurt someone else.

He said it was our innocent secret and thought it was very nice. We chatted for about 45 minutes then I went home. I will see him Monday night. I am relieved that he didn't think I was being more suggestive than it really was.

I guess what I don't get is that he gives off strong vibes that he is very interested in me and doesn't show interest to the other women there. Why would he be doing this if he is in a relationship?

HelloKitty--




Because he's interested in moving on?

Watch out. You've noticed that being the "other woman" isn't fun, even if the label isn't fair.

Your security guard has a roving eye. He's fine for flirting, but not for the long haul. Let him stroke your ego, but don't get physical. Remember, you're doubly vulnerable right now.

I want to keep it on a friends level as I would never want any one to think I would moving onto taken territory. I thought I would be more embarrassed about it, but I handled it as if well. The way I should of because I want nothing more.

What I really want right now is to get this divorce over with because its not fair that he can do what he wants and its ok.

This is going way off this topic's thread but I didn't feel like starting a new one....

Today was a bad day for me though in general....i started missing my grandfather more than I ever have since he's been gone. Maybe it just sunk in....I don't know but I have been a mess about it all day. I know this is completely off this topic, but I am not well with it today. I have been having dreams about the night he passed and they just seem to haunt me. I put my whole life on hold to take care of him which I do not regret because he needed me, but why am I not at ease suddenly? Maybe its the weekend since I am not consumed by work.

I just had to get that off my chest, I didn't want to talk to my grandmother about it because she finally is doing better. I don't want to bring her down right now. I have been to the point of bad chest pains....right near the heart. Sorry for going off topic. Maybe everything is still tying in together. I don't know.

HelloKitty--

Look, you've been dealing with angst and turmoil all winter long--and this is on top of the "normal" adjustments every newlywed comple makes.

Your grandfather is dead--of course you miss him. If you talk to your grandmother you'll probably discover that you are sharing grief. You both miss him because he was a wonderful, important person in your lives. Don't be too proud to share grief.

Flirt with the security guard, but after a death of a grandfather and the death of your marriage and the ending of your old job you do not need any more change in your life right now.

You're carrying more than most women could think of coping with, but you do have your limits.

Hold your dominion.