Of course you have to prepare for rejection. No guy, no matter how well he does with meeting women, gets rejected a lot.
You have to block the "end result" from your brain. Stop thinking about why you should or shouldn't talk to someone. You're terrified because you have convinced yourself something bad will happen. Sometimes you just have to react before you mentally stop yourself from walking up to someone.
But again, the first step here isn't trying to get dates. It's getting your self-esteem up....like vikkor said, you might want to do something for your image, join a gym, ect. At the same time, while reading self-help books, make sure you're being more proactive then just reading about it.
And there's so many awful dating books & articles out there(especially written by women). But there's some good stuff floating around too.
Slappy... Yeah, I'm pretty sceptical about dating books etc. I'm sure there are good ones out there somewhere, but there's definitely a lot of bullshit, and I'm not sure how to find the good stuff.
I do intend to be proactive, and not just sit at home reading about my problems. This book encourages you to set exercises for yourself and actually get out and do things that you'd normally be too scared to do, while monitoring your thinking and using CBT techniques to overcome anxiety. A counsellor recommended it to me about a year ago, so I reckon I may have some success with it.
As for my image, I'm not too worried about that. I'm a bit skinny, but I think I look okay. I don't have the time or money to go to the gym anyway.
Vikorr, thanks for all the tips but I'm not sure I can use many of them. I'm pretty busy these days, the landlord won't allow pets, I probably don't have enough confidence to go to the gym to build up confidence (not that I have a body image problem anyway) etc.
Does anybody have any specific advice about what I should do in the short-term about Rachel? Should I just carry on with the friendly banter while I sort out my seep-seated psychological problems, or should I try telling her that I still like her and I want to see her?
Like in my first response, say something like, "the emails have been fun, but we should plan on getting together soon to do something, before I forget what you look like. Here or there? Let's flip a coin." Or, if there are any good events coming up soon, you could try to plan it around that.
Don't tell her you like her, or you want to see her because you want a relationship. That's the point of trying to get together with her in person . It's a test, and a step in the right direction.
And next time you get an email, make yourself not respond for a few days or so. Not to play games, but to get yourself used to it.
That last advice of Slappy's is very good (if of course, you feel able to do so)
Okay, I'll give that a go. Thanks, Slappy.
