HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH MY SISTER'S HUSBAND

been through it. Not as close as two sisters but almost. Betrayal is almost impossible to let go of. However lonely girl needs to restore a trusting relationship with her sister.Thats the ultimate thing that must be kept in mind. There is nothing else.

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one other point: It is entirely possible that this guy is manipulating to drive his wife away from her family, so that he can more easily control her. If this sort of thing is going on telling your sister, thus damaging your relationship with her, would represent the success of his plan.

For most women I think the assumption is that guys want sex, that women are the gatekeepers. Thus the person primary responsibility for her husband screwing her sister is her sister for allowing it to happen. This guy might be well aware of this, and is using this to get what he wants.

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I agree that the focus needs to be on trying to preserve a relationship with the sister.

Betrayal is horrible, yet I do see the sense of having the correct timing in telling.

Those who have betrayed me in such a way have never entered my life again. They are "dead" to me. Even though at this time I feel I have forgiven and let it go, the circumstances and ways that I found out made it such that they will never get another chance to even speak to me.

Waiting at this time gives the chance to be able to speak about it later. Which could help your sister.

The idea is to think of someone you love moreso than oneself. That is a true reversal of the sort of thinking and heart that led to the betrayal - so it not only helps others, but you.

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really good point mushy-p. Thats probably the most difficult part, and the part requiring the most care.

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The outcome is not really in Loneygirls hands, the husband might very well tell his wife about the affair. We don't know what he is after, nor what his calculus is. If all he wanted was sex then it probably is over unless Lonelygirl decides to blab about it.

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After reading other posts, I agree with the others who say not to tell your sister, but you really do need to get out of her home.

Excellent posts Farmer!

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Ok, this is probably besides the point now....

But I gotta ask?

Is your self-esteem so low that you'd allow some shithead to treat you that way to so he could get a piece of ass?

So let me get this right...., he rattled your bones and left you without so much as acknowledging you any other time, and you'd allow it again and again? Don't make good sense to me at all.

LonelyGirl, you sound likened to my very own sister. She lived with me for about 2 months, that girl would have slept with my husband if she thought he'd went for it. She'd done it just to spite me so I'd end up hurt.

Yeah..I would have ended up hurt, but I'd whipped her ass and his afterwards.

If I were you, I'd be watching on my shoulder at all times.

We wives aren't slow learners, well...not all of us. We notice things out of sinc.....

Sure there isn't some small part of you that wanted it to happen, so maybe somewhere down the road you could hurt your sister with the info?

Because when its all said and done with...., there is no way to tell a sister about an affair with her very own husband.... that she's not going to be angry and feel betrayed. No way..........no how.

You knew that from the first kiss, because you can't tell any of us that the thought.."This is going to hurt my sister" didn't cross your mind.....that is.....unless your a slow learner?

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makemeshiver33 wrote:

You knew that from the first kiss, because you can't tell any of us that the thought.."This is going to hurt my sister" didn't cross your mind.....that is.....unless your a slow learner?

Man, you're hard. Is it just maybe possible that lonely girl was thinking that if she did not give him what he wanted that he would push to get her removed from the property? We are all drawn to the path of least resistance. It was easier to give him what he wanted and keep the peace, and keep a roof. he now has something to hold over her head, to pull out when ever he decides. She already knows that she screwed-up.

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Quote:

Man, you're hard. Is it just maybe possible that lonely girl was thinking that if she did not give him what he wanted that he would push to get her removed from the property?

If thats the case, then she should have went straight to the sister and told her what happened. There is no excuse for this.

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We are all drawn to the path of least resistance. It was easier to give him what he wanted and keep the peace, and keep a roof.

Pretty sorry excuse to use for a reason to keep a roof over your head wouldn't you think? Does anyone have any morals anymore?

There is a line drawn when it comes to family members spouses, PERIOD! Even EX spouses.......

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he now has something to hold over her head, to pull out when ever he decides. She already knows that she screwed-up.

My point exactly, but she knew she screwed up with the first kiss.

Anybody with an inkling of morality knew that or would know that.

You don't screw your sister's husband regardless of the circumstances surrounding it.

Thats when you take the high road and leave the situation, or go to the sister and tell her what happened.

Its went to far now to lay all the blame on the husband alone. She acted, she knew the consquences of her actions...she stated previously how her family reacted to these things, so where is she now?

Between a rock and a hard spot.

And NO, I don't have any sympathy for her.

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Re: HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH MY SISTER'S HUSBAND

lonelygirl wrote:

I moved with my sister and her husband around a year ago due to financial problems and to help her out, the problem is that within a month my brother in law started hitting on me very strongly at first I was in shock because the guy hated me from day one but I was extremely depress due to my situation and felt lonely one thing led to another and we started having sex, I feel used and guilty as hell we never talk about it he doesn't say anything he just does his thing and forgets about me until he is in the mood again. I know this is wrong I am betraying my own blood but I just can't stop its like an addiction, he is using both of us for his own fun and pleasure I am so desperate I can't move out because I will have to have a very good excuse, if my family finds out I will be in so much trouble I come from a culture where its always the woman fault men are consider men and women tramps. Sometimes I feel like I love him but then I think about the whole deal and realize how stupid I am this relationship has no future it was doom from day one. I feel jealous and angry sometimes but mostly confused I am fairly attractive I know I can get a man that is single and available but I am scare. I feel like I am losing my mind I cry everyday because I don't know what to do.

might i interject this: your sister needs to find a new hubby. damn, two sisters, what a pimp.

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makemeshiver33 wrote:

And NO, I don't have any sympathy for her.

OK, but hopefully you realize that your relationship with your sister flavors everything you think and feel about this thread, and your relationship with your sister is not what this thread is about.

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Quote:

OK, but hopefully you realize that your relationship with your sister flavors everything you think and feel about this thread, and your relationship with your sister is not what this thread is about.

Umm, yeaa...I knew that when I posted how I felt.

Regardless how I feel about my sister, the two situations are similiar. The only thing is, no matter how sorry I think my sister is as a human she did not sleep with my husband. Now..whether that was fear on her part of what I would do to her when I found out, or good sense which she's showed none in the past...it doesn't matter.

The point is, this girl knew from the beginning this was wrong and that she would hurt her sister.

She knew that from the very first kiss....... She can't say she didn't.

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makemeshiver33 wrote:

The point is, this girl knew from the beginning this was wrong and that she would hurt her sister.

She knew that from the very first kiss....... She can't say she didn't.

You must hang around people who are more evolved than I have experienced. I don't think one can assume that others act with a comprehension of how their actions will effect others or even themselves at a future date. Sadly I also don't think it can be assumed that everyone cares about how their actions effect others. The mind is a pretty crazy place sometimes, it is amazing what it can overlook and ignore and refuse to learn.

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hawkeye10 wrote:

Man, you're hard. Is it just maybe possible that lonely girl was thinking that if she did not give him what he wanted that he would push to get her removed from the property?

Even if that were the case, that is a form of rape, and most women would have called police.
Even if she did not call the police, and he was using a place to stay to get her into bed, AGAIN, that is rape and the story she told would not sound like an "inappropriate lover" it would sound and read like rape.

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Do not tell your sister. Let bygones be bygones. It would not be worth the devastation you'd cause in your sister's life. Be there for her. Give your left tit for her, but do not tell her.

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For what it's worth, makemeshiver, I didn't think you were so hard.

In reality, what her sister may do or say to her is way worse than what anyone here can say.

Her own actions may bring about losing her sister. And it would be on her own head.

What she did to sis - now that is hard!

In some families, that would be cause for much worse than cutting her from her life.

And I'm glad others have stood up to say "You aren't the victim in this. Your sister is."

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Hawkeye10 wrote:

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You must hang around people who are more evolved than I have experienced.

Maybe so, but I know that if I was to do something equal to this, that there is a consequence for my action.

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I don't think one can assume that others act with a comprehension of how their actions will effect others or even themselves at a future date.

Pretty damned sad thing, wouldn't ya say?

So...your telling me that if a group of idiots decided to jump off a bridge, and that if you were apart of that group, it wouldn't cross your mind that your actions mind result in dying? You rob a bank, you might get caught? You stomp through the poison ivy and you'll get a rash? You sleep with a siblings spouse and you might get found out and hurt said sibling?

You know, if you'd used a "drunk" here as an example, then I would agree with you. They usually don't think before they act.......

I'll never believe that this girl didn't have one iota, inkling, smidgen of comprehension of what kind of consequences her actions would result in.

She said it herself how she was raised, and how her parents felt about women and their behavior. She knew that from the start.......

If I had to put money on it, this girl wanted him from the start....think about it. She stated herself that she didn't think he liked her. What would make him hit on her so blantantly if she wasn't throwing him a few clues along the way? I don't know many men that would hit on a cold fish for the hell of it. There has to be something that sparked that curiosity with him to approach her......

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Sadly I also don't think it can be assumed that everyone cares about how their actions effect others. The mind is a pretty crazy place sometimes, it is amazing what it can overlook and ignore and refuse to learn.

Well, your right there, case in point.........

It just never fails to amaze me that people will put themselves in this situation; get themselves between a rock and a hard spot than try to find any excuse in the book to lay the blame elsewhere.

It is just as much her fault as it is the BIL's, much more so because she had the chance to say.."NO, this is wrong...this will hurt my sister and I can't do this to her." ...............then walk away.

mushypancakes wrote:

Quote:

For what it's worth, makemeshiver, I didn't think you were so hard.

In reality, what her sister may do or say to her is way worse than what anyone here can say.

Her own actions may bring about losing her sister. And it would be on her own head.

What she did to sis - now that is hard!

In some families, that would be cause for much worse than cutting her from her life.

And I'm glad others have stood up to say "You aren't the victim in this. Your sister is."

TY, I didn't think I was to hard on her either. Even if I was, she deserved to hear it along with what you and the others had to offer her as well.

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makemeshiver33 wrote:

It just never fails to amaze me that people will put themselves in this situation; get themselves between a rock and a hard spot than try to find any excuse in the book to lay the blame elsewhere.

It is just as much her fault as it is the BIL's, much more so because she had the chance to say.."NO, this is wrong...this will hurt my sister and I can't do this to her." ...............then walk away.

l.

I'm with you on honesty, personal responsibility, and not hurting others. Where I break with you is you want to stand there and yell "you idiot, ten steps back you went left when you should have gone right" and I am "OK, you know that was wrong right? Now where do you go from here".

I think that your concern that lonelygirl will not pay enough for her mistake is misplaced...she is going to pay

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hawkeye10 wrote:

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I'm with you on honesty, personal responsibility, and not hurting others. Where I break with you is you want to stand there and yell "you idiot, ten steps back you went left when you should have gone right" and I am "OK, you know that was wrong right? Now where do you go from here".

I think that your concern that lonelygirl will not pay enough for her mistake is misplaced...she is going to pay

Well.......umm, not quite how I feel. But were about to get our two opinions on the same page.......lol

All I'm saying, which I have pointed out is that lonelygirl had to have HAD the thought cross her mind beforehand. She can't say she didn't. I'll never believe that.

Why.......because most folks with a conscience weigh out the pro's and con's of a situation....usually..........before they act.

I could have even understood a one time heat of the moment mistake made. But not repeatedly.

And also I feel that if we were to get to the truth of the matter...the only reason lonelygirl is putting a stop to this relationship is because he has made her feel used & has brought to her attention that she will never be anything in his life but a piece of ass. Don't you think if he was treating her like a Queen, we wouldn't be hearing about this awful hidden relationship? More than likely..she'd continued on with it. What was next?.....booting the sister and the kids out on the street and taking up playing Susie Homemaker with the BIL?

So what I'm getting at...is people don't act on their conscienceness, they act on the moment 99% of the time, thats what makes us human. I'll admit I've made many mistakes in my life. I'm by far not perfect..........

But I just feel...well, where I'm concerned...there is a line drawn where siblings spouses are concerned, even girlfriend's spouses...even Ex's.

Most people will admit there is a line there, and we don't cross that line, no matter how good it makes us feel...or even how bad we might want what is offered to us. We simply walk away.........

Also, I'm not worried whether lonelygirl has to pay for her mistake or not. I don't have to live in her life. If she has any conscience to her at all, she'll pay well enough just in guilt, even if she's never found out.

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Hawk, yer outgunned here, my friend.

One who is not female can only approximate so much....

RH

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HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH MY SISTER'S HUSBAND

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