Friendship

Maybe you have a right to be upset with the first person you mentioned, but I suggest that it would be a waste of emotion. Let it go.

It is a very true thing that when you have trouble in your life, you find out just who your friends are, and sometimes it comes as a surprise who those people turn out to be. Sometimes the ones who say they are your best friends just aren't there when you need them, and somebody you didn't think so much of, perhaps, is right there for you. That has happened to me, and it made me feel very humble.

Knowing somebody a long time does not make them a better friend.

I will be thinking of you and your husband, and I want to say, you are lucky to have the nice friend who wants to go with you. Sounds like you know it. Thanks for sharing it.

Welcome to A2K.

Thanks for sharing this as it takes courage to discuss this sort of thing online and even more courage to deal with this serious operation.

Hope your hubby tolerates the operation and recovers well from it. Let us know how it all turns out.

So perhaps you will naturally gravitate towards this new friend as a result of her sincerity and her clearly sympathetic actions. However, this possibly temporary position of insensitivity doesn't count out your old friend, though! It needs some explanation on her part. Allow the possibility for there to be some unforseen facts and circumstances that could explain her behavior. You're fortunate to have this new friend that CAN support you as you would like. Cherish this .... as, unfortunately, some people don't have that sort of relationship in their life when they need it.

However, you might want to discuss this when it is SAFE for both of you (when you're not angry or upset) with your longtime friend..and allow her that the possibility her fears are standing in the way of being more responsive. Fear of not being able to be there..or of not understanding how to be there for you. Forgive her in your mind but get her and you to talk about how you feel when she hasn't responded as you would have hoped.

Don't count her out and give up on her YET, until at least when you have gotten this discussed and so that she sees how you don't feel supported.
If she doesn't come around AFTER this discussion, then you might reconsider how you want to pursue this friendship.

Hi Jodie


Ditto contrex and Ragman....

It is so true that you find out who your friends are when you need their support most.

For the moment, if I were you, just try to focus on you and your hubby. Take support from whoever steps up to the mark and deal with what's happening with your lives.

After the procedure then maybe address the issue with your best friend. She may not know how to "step up" when something throws the balance.

Just for now - focus on you and yours.

Keep posting if you need to get it out of your system. The folks here are fantastic and very supportive.

Sending you lots of positive vibes for Tuesday. Hope all goes well girlie.

I have a very close friend who cannot, in any fashion, deal with anything unpleasant. He is reserved about "getting too involved " in emotional capitol that involves others than his immediate family. There was a very good reason and weve since had a long talk about emotional acars that hes had for many decades which cause this apparent calousness. As Ragman says, dont you dare give up on your old friend because she may have a similar inability to empathize only from suffering past emotional damages.

Some people just fear dealing with any bad news. This can be a learning tool for both of you, and by extension, the one you should be caring for most--your husband.

Jodie--

The procedures you describe are fairly routine. Certainly mistakes can happen, but hospitals don't give cardiologists who make mistakes a place to make mistakes.

Perhaps your friend was ignoring your emotions. Routine procedures can seem dire when the patient is someone you love.

I wouldn't write her off just yet. Remember, she may have complications in her own life that she didn't want to worry you with.

Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses, character traits that match or don't match our expectations etc etc.

She can still be a very good friend and not realise that you need her there with you, or need her to call you - have you told her this, or are you expecting her to implicitly understand your needs?

What's going on in your friends' life? Perhaps she's got so much on her plate, she can't take on anything else.

My closest friend had surgery some years back and she did tell me that it was coming up but it completely slipped my mind and it wasn't until her partner called to bawl me out, the day AFTER the surgery, that I realized I'd completely forgotten about it. At the time I probably had alot going on at my job and chances are I was brawling with hubby about one of the kids then too but believe me, forgetting about my friends' trauma left me feeling pretty small and unworthy. I threw myself on the mercy of our friendship, begged her forgiveness and guess what? She forgave me. Because that's what true friends do.

I was in the hospital for surgery just now and returned home a week ago. There are two friends who did not call or visit yet. Yes, it makes me wonder... But then there are so many other people who call, visit, care, keep asking about me - I am so touched and feel very privileged to be in this situation. So I guess these two girls have their reasons. I might call them sometime soon - or not and just wait until we meet the next time when I am able to leave the house.

Meanwhile I am thankful for all the love and friendship I am receiving from others - which includes a lot of A2Kers who cheered me up tremendously while I was in hospital.

I agree with Noddy here. Maybe you friend just doesn't understand how this upcoming procedure is affecting you. Maybe you need to just say that you are really stressed and would like some extra support to get through this.

I used to work in a cardiac cath lab and now work in an interventional lab. If you have any questions I'd be happy to talk about them with you.
Is it a heart cath that he is going in for or a different body part?

People are not mind readers!!!

What did you want them to do? and CAN they do it?

You said they are friends, but caring about your or your family's physical well-being MAY not be in that kind of "friendship" you have with them.

If you need something from them, ASK ("Hey, Mary, I can't get to the store right now becasue _______________. Can you go for me?")

(My husband just got diagnoised with cancer. I haven't heard from my best friend since I told her. I understand that 1) she's super busy with two new grandchildren and 2) her husband had a recent cancer scare and then treatment, and I don't think she can pick up my worries, right now. I forgive her. That's the great thing about friends. They love you, warts and all.

Sullyfish--

Do you want to talk about the cancer? We have lots of cancer survivors on A2K.

A new thread would probably be a good idea.

Thanks everyone for helping me see things differently. I guess I am just a little stressed about everything that is happening. The friend that I haven't heard from I am sure if I asked for something she would be more than willing to lend a helping hand. There isn't anything that I need. I have just been up set that I haven't heard from her. I will give her the benefit of the doubt. I have heard from many other friends though. I don't know why I am complaining.

Thanks everyone for helping me see things differently. I guess I am just a little stressed about everything that is happening. The friend that I haven't heard from I am sure if I asked for something she would be more than willing to lend a helping hand. There isn't anything that I need. I have just been up set that I haven't heard from her. I will give her the benefit of the doubt. I have heard from many other friends though. I don't know why I am complaining.

martybarker
It is the heart cath. Angoplasty,is that a procedure that is done quite often? We think a stint will be put in. I just don't understand all of this.

Hi Jodie,

I'd like to write more but I'm getting ready to go to work. When is your husbands procedure scheduled?

I'd like to say that since this is a scheduled procedure it must not be emergent in his cardiologists opinion. That much is good to know. He must have had something show up on a stress test?

Anyway, they will do a diagnostic angiogram to get an idea if there are any narrowings in the arteries. If a narrowing is seen they will then add the necessary materials to the sterile tray to perform the angioplasty or stent placement.

I really have a lot more to tell you but I have to run.

Set your mind at ease....this is a very routine procedure. Have your questions ready when you get to the hospital because the staff should be happy to explain everything.

I'll check back in tonight. Take care.

Jodie--

When your husband gets off the table--whatever the test finds and whether a stent is needed or not--he's going to be very glad that the cardiologist went in for medicine when with those clever fingers he could have been a very successful pickpocket.

martybarker
Thanks for puting my mind at ease. My husband had the angogram and then they proceded with the angoplasty he did have narrowing in an artery so a stint was put in. He did have an abnormal strees test.
He is doing great just some restrictions for awhile. The procedure was done Tuesday and stayed over night at the hospital.

Jodie,

I'm glad to hear things went well. I'm sorry I didn't get back to you but I worked all day and into that evening because I was on call.

Thanks everyone I am feeling much better about everything. My husband is doing great and I have seen my friend that I was kind of disapointed in . You are my friends and I really appreciate all the posts from you. I feel like you care also.