Did she cheat on me?

contrex wrote:

baddog1 wrote:
Trying to understand here.

Are some suggesting that if Jason's wife had/is having an affair - that he would be better off not knowing and pretend it did not happen?

Yes, exactly. If it is over.

An affair can be "over" the moment one climbs out of the affair-bed. So what you're saying is: If your spouse climbs into your bed an hour after climbing out of the affair partner's bed - all is cool then - right?

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I'd say she lost this weight, decided to spend some money and attention on herself (buying new undies) and became more confident in bed.

Did she ever show you the sexy undies? Eg flirt with you and let you know she was wearing them...Just curious...

Maybe she did some research on good sex tips and wanted to surprise you for when you started having sex again.

I think it's great that she's confident to try new things in bed, I read, think "Ooh! That sounds fun, I'll try that!" then bottle out at the last minute... Even if she had an affair it can't have been emotional at all, otherwise she wouldn't be with you now. If you're fairly confident that (if there even was an affair) it's over, let it lie. You want to be with her, it's best not to stir things up if you don't have any solid evidence. Accusing her will not help.

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honey_rose_cr wrote:

If you're fairly confident that (if there even was an affair) it's over, let it lie. You want to be with her, it's best not to stir things up with unsure concerns.

Glad to see someone else feels like me.

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contrex wrote:

honey_rose_cr wrote:
If you're fairly confident that (if there even was an affair) it's over, let it lie. You want to be with her, it's best not to stir things up with unsure concerns.

Glad to see someone else feels like me.

contrex: since you did not answer - it looks like you may have missed my question, so here it is again. honeyrose - please feel free to include your answer as well.

Quote:

An affair can be "over" the moment one climbs out of the affair-bed. So what you're saying is: If your spouse climbs into your bed an hour after climbing out of the affair partner's bed - all is cool then - right?

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baddog, I saw your question all right, it seemed more like playing with words than any real life situation that I recognise. Also you seem to want to put words into my mouth that I did not utter. Furthermore it seems a kind of arguing-about-definitions type of question that has very little to do with the original query. So I wasn't really interested in answering it, but since you insist...

I meant that if (IF) she MAY or MAY NOT not have had a brief fling while the guy was in hospital or sick or whatever, but there is no evidence save that he is stupid enough to wonder if some guy taught her some hot bed tricks, and if nothing is going on at the moment that he can prove, that guy is a dick to press the matter.

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Quote:

A couple other incidents happened over the same time frame makes me think she might have started an affair with a coworker.

The suggestion that this guy should just stuff it and go on wondering if his wife is/was faithful is ludicrous. Men are not as intuitive as women but even so, this guy's intuition is telling him something is amiss. The ideal way to deal with this would be in therapy.

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contrex wrote:

baddog, I saw your question all right, it seemed more like playing with words than any real life situation that I recognise. Also you seem to want to put words into my mouth that I did not utter. Furthermore it seems a kind of arguing-about-definitions type of question that has very little to do with the original query. So I wasn't really interested in answering it, but since you insist...

After seeing your response above - I clearly understand why you were hesitant to reply. And after reading your answer below - I better understand your overall position on marital commitment and infidelity. You see no problem with adultery under various circumstances. Got it - thanks.

contrex wrote:

I meant that if (IF) she MAY or MAY NOT not have had a brief fling while the guy was in hospital or sick or whatever, but there is no evidence save that he is stupid enough to wonder if some guy taught her some hot bed tricks, and if nothing is going on at the moment that he can prove, that guy is a dick to press the matter.

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I agree with Roxx... How can you guys say that if his wife had an affair and he doesnt know about it(for sure) that he is better off not knowing???
And the guy got married to her: "thru sickness and thru health". So if she did have the affair while he was ill then how can he be at fault when she didnt uphold her end of the bargain????
If it really bothers you then try finding out dude!!!

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baddog1 wrote:

After seeing your response above - I clearly understand why you were hesitant to reply. And after reading your answer below - I better understand your overall position on marital commitment and infidelity. You see no problem with adultery under various circumstances. Got it - thanks.

I think there are a great many worse things in the world than a spot of adultery. Also, I have very little sympathy with the questioner, who has no real proof that his wife slept with another man, save that she seems hotter in the sack than he remembered, so he starts wondering what she may have been up to. That seems so utterly dorkish that I would feel very lenient about anything his wife did.

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Personally, I'm saying that there's nothing there that tells me she had an affair.

She did what any woman would do after losing lots of weight and getting in shape. MMS hit the nail on the head when saying that when you lose a lot of weight, it does wonders for a person, especially sexually.

Everything she did was normal for someone who lost weight and is feeling so much better about themselves and I'm not gonna get this poor guys blood boiling over something as serious as having an affair, with just what he told us.

Unless he has something else to add to the story, I don't see anything out of the ordinary here.

Maybe now that she's lost all that weight and looks great, it made him insecure and is worried about losing her. Him having had his health problems could easily have made him feel insecure.

Now she lost all the weight and feels sexually attractive enough to be much more comfortable in bed doesn't mean she had an affair at all. I've been fat and thin, so I can say I've been there, so it's normal, but if he treats her like someone who did something wrong, then it's a wonder why she put away the sexy cloths Rolling Eyes

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I've no idea if wife had an affair or not, though I can see wondering, and have no reason to knock the wondering. But - I'm with contrex in having some context for that re the evils in the world, at the same time I do fully understand how decimating it can be to a relationship. People vary around the world and within the same environs on the import of an affair, or even one affair in contrast to others. There is no use in bludgeoning with an opinion.

It'd be nice if we just expressed our own opinions without scouring others. And the moon is made of gorgonzola.

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I certainly don't agree that if there was an affair it is now over, so quit worrying about it and move on.

However, this is not a thread about me and Jason is the one who is in that relationship and only he (and his wife) knows what's going on there.

He merely wrote to ask if his suspicions could be right and if it was normal (although he didn't really ask that). That was what I was replying to.

The whole thing is academic, anyway, since Jason seems to have disappeared and we're the only ones discussing it. Rolling Eyes

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God, I'm just saying this from my point of view. I'd KNOW for almost 100% certainty if my boyfriend was cheating on me. I'd just...KNOW. So what I should have asked was, how sure are you that she cheated on you?

Going by your feelings and intuition, how certain are you she cheated, percentage-wise?

If I knew there had been an affair I would be kicking up the biggest fuss in the world, making his life hell and making him feel really really guilty. I would be heart-broken.

I wasn't saying quit worrying and move on if there had been an affair, but if it's only on the basis that she's a little more confident in bed, it sounds more like insecurities than actual fact, knowing that his partner has cheated. If this IS what it is, you should find more evidence before you go accusing, or you could lose something special over nothing.

Quote:

Also, I have very little sympathy with the questioner, who has no real proof that his wife slept with another man, save that she seems hotter in the sack than he remembered, so he starts wondering what she may have been up to. That seems so utterly dorkish that I would feel very lenient about anything his wife did.

Spot on Contrex. I'm not dissing the guy, I was just commenting that he doesn't sound too sure that she did cheat, and his reasoning is weak. I'm saying he shouldn't presently go openly accusing her off sleeping with another man if he really isn't all that sure.

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Did she cheat on me ?
Most divorce attorneys will tell you that the number one sign a woman displays when she is having an affair is buying new sexy underwear the BF/husband never sees.

If she wants a divorce, she will tip her hand by leaving the underwear out where it will be seen. That will cause the "big blow up" and head both of you off to divorce court.

If the underwear is hidden in the back of the closet, it most likely means she has pleasant personal memories of the affair, but it is over and she is now fully engaged in her life with you ...again.

I'd keep my mouth shut, screw her and have a great time in bed, but keep you eyes wide open and watch for unexplained absences, working late, and yes, more sexy underwear showing up. That would mean she has NOT given up the affair.

Affairs are like an addictive drug: they make the cheater feel GREAT, so they are hard to stop...she might need a new job away from the adulterer.

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Wow!

If I ever get married, I can see right now that I would need to get over my compulsive buying of sexy underwear everytime I go shopping for fear it might get me in trouble. Razz

I'm sure I have some I have never even put on yet!

Damn

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I'll be back, not tonight...

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*raises eyebrow*

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Did she cheat on me?

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