Toxic friendships

OK shewolf, I get the hint.....

Seriously.....

You make your own universe. How many comets can it take?

I have many less "friends" than I used to, and all of them contribute something back to my life...

Go yer own way.

RH

Ugggh Shewolf, you ask a hard question. I've had one of "those" friends also.

She's the one that calls up on the phone to ask.."What ya doing?" and before you can answer her, she's on to the drama of the moment without allowing time for a deep breath. She's always got a drama.

Like your friend, she's very pretty and also requires large doses of attention. In groups I find her very draining, especially if I'm the one getting the attention for some reason or the other, because she'll turn on you...get snotty, or try to find a way to center the attention back on her even if its at your expense.

I just let her have it....I'm a grown women...lol

She is still my friend, but I require her in small doses now.

She calls, and "I listen"..."I uhhhuh"..and let her talk. It goes in one ear then the other....its become a lot less painful, and I don't have to get geared up for a fight to bale her out of her drama of the day.


It works better that way............

Re: Toxic friendships


C'mon, girl... you've answered your own question here.

What would you tell your daughter/sister/girlfriend if they asked you this?







Hint:

Toxicity is POISON.

Now, go do the right thing.

edit, thinking...

shewolfnm- Any friend who diminishes your life is not worth having. Apparently, you have come to realize that you seek out these needy, narcissistic kinds of people, who drain you emotionally. IMO the best way to change is for you to drop the toxic people in your lives, and start to seek those people who add to your life, not detract.

You might want to think about why you seem to attract needy people. In my experience, people, unless they make a concerted effort to change, will tend to involve themselves in similar scenarios over and over again.

Hey shewolfnm

A friend would never keep score - coz friendship is a gift.

Stay true to you - a true friend wouldn't expect you to change to suit them
x

Whoa! This is so familiar it's like looking right into a mirror.

I have a couple of those people, too. Can't respond at the moment, but will get back shortly.

I agree with what has already been said. (Except I'd probably put a lot of comets in just cause I think they are col.)

My thoughts exactly and I agree with the others as well.

She sounds just like everyone in the area I live in.

When I first moved here, I thought everyone was so nice, until they broke out the score board

It's been like this here since I was a kid and I figured people would have pulled their heads out of the ass after 30 something years of being away, but I guess they're comfortable in that weird place of theirs.

I've always been one to do things for myself and very rarely ask anyone for help in anything and if I can't do it myself, I'll pay someone to do it.

I have one cousin in particular that thinks just because she's offered to help me with stuff a million times (I refused), that I somehow owed her, so every year at tax time, she asks me to say that I babysit for her and if she can claim that as money off her taxes.
Even though I've always refused, she can't help but ask year after year. Last year she asked my son

I have avoided her something major since then and I'm sick of telling her no.

I knew a guy that started a business around here and left because he said he never met such a bunch of users in his life.

That's just the tip of the iceburg. They love to get right into your business here, to the point that it's creepy. I won't even go to the closest store to us anymore because the owner would constantly ask me questions that were totally none of his business.
Can't even go work in my yard without neighbour coming over to ask what I'm doing.

Once they know your business, they call everyone and their mother to tell them all about my business, but they always tell it differently and by the time it gets 5 house down, the story is opposite from what it started out as.

They yap behind eachothers backs and even best friends cut eachothers throats. It's crazy I tell ya.

Funny thing, though, if you drive 20 minutes south, the people are totally different and a breath of fresh air.

We're selling the house in a few years and getting out of here because of all this. I've been here for going on 9 years and I haven't made one friend in this area, so I think it's time to go

Anyway, the moral of my story is, I'd rather have no friends than to have one keeping score. That's not a friendship! She's selfish and those kind of people tend to drain others who are in their atmosphere.

Good luck Wolfgirl

I am the only friend she has had for this long.
We have been friends for.. eh.. 10 years? Maybe longer.

When I catch her on her good days, or her good weeks, she is the greatest friend I have ever had.
I can tell her anything, she will listen for hours and I can walk away from our interaction feeling good.

But, after that I am honestly afraid to call her again because I know that it will be time to pay for that.

She lives hundreds of miles from me so I do not have to worry about seeing her every day. And it would probably be very easy to sever that tie... I just feel odd about it.
Thats my friend. Even though I may not like her all the time.


What is making me realize her behavior is the fact that I have not talked to her in WEEKS . We go weeks, sometimes months with out talking. Anyway, I signed onto a messenger program yesterday and out of the blue she starts writing to me about her.
Her drama. Her life. Her business. Her her her her her her.
Not even a ' hey how are ya!'

She used to do this to me long distance.

I would call her and pay almost 2 hours of long distance to hear her drama. How she found Mr Right again. ( there is a new Mr Right every couple of months, and it always ends with HIM being the bad guy and HIM getting everything from her with little payback)
Funny how she is the only common denominator in those relationships.

She is in her 40's as well.. so it is even harder for me to listen sometimes because her behavior is just out of sync with what you would think a woman her age would be doing with her life now... but.. I don't want to start judging.. I just had to make that point.


Anyhow.
yes. I hear you all loud and clear. I have been thinking it for a while myself. It just feels odd to consider not talking to her again.

When we lived close to each other, we went through a lot of very painful things together. When I left, she got more aggressive with her unwanted behavior. I have always wanted to suggest that she was just treating me this way because she was upset that I left to be with my husband and did not try to stay in New Mexico. BUt I know that isn't the truth. I am just far enough away to see her as she really is.

I feel for ya Shewolf. Friendships can be tough sometimes.

Hey shewolf.

It's a horrible feeling when you feel as though you are betraying your friendship with someone who has been close to you. It's also a lot of pressure on you being their only friend.

But, that's the difference maybe between her and you. You feel bad for feeling how you are right now - but she is more concerned with what's happening in her life to even notice this is making you feel bad.

Maybe when she next does her "me, me, me" bit - you could interject by saying "would you like to know how me and mine are?"

You consider her "your" friend because of what you have experienced together and maybe life without her would be a little less interesting, so I'd go with that feeling if I were you (but then I don't know too much these days).

You say "that's my friend" but you don't always like her - you shouldn't feel guilty about that - no-one likes everyone all the time - and that's the thing with friendship - if it's true friendship you can fall out a million times and still be friends. You sound as tho you do still care for her (or possibly the tie into the past) and you say you can have a great time together still, - so if it were me, I'd just keep that feeling in a place inside you.

Don't call her if you don't want to, but don't drop her if that's gonna make you feel worse or that you will think you have wronged her in anyway. Just take it and leave it as it happens - do what's right for YOU and if you end up where the relationship eventually fizzles out - well, at least it will have fizzled without you making yourself feel as though you did something to end it. You sound as tho you will feel guilty - and you shouldn't feel that way.

Just my opinion - you just have to go what's in your heart - and try not to let anyone hurt your value. IMO I think you need to consider this - "will never speaking to her again make you feel better or worse?" Does that make sense?

Makes good sense to me lzzie!

I have one too shewolfnm. She's my business partner and also, after twenty-plus years working together, I cannot deny the fact that we are also friends. I have a very low opinion of her on the one hand, self-centered, domineering, arrogant, manipulative, attention-seeking, but on the other hand she can be very kind and generous. Especially if it somehow benefits her.

Because we're in business, I hear from her sometimes daily and believe me, that's not easy. It's always drama with our main client and it always centers around her.

No answers to your question. Just chiming in to let you know that you're not alone. But I tell you. If I wasn't in business with this woman, she wouldn't be my friend. And I wouldn't feel guilty about it. But then again, we didn't grow up in the trenches together like you and your friend.

yep yep yep

no-one should feel responsible for a friendship - it's a two-way thing - it's either there ... or it 'aint - it'll weather a storm and bring you peace.

If it get's too rough then you won't find your peace.

(doesn't make it any easier tho)

yep yepin along with the others.

eoe, I remember the thread about that one. You poor thing!

Yes. I have bitched about Miss Thing in the past.
Guess what? I'm on the phone, on hold with her at this very moment...

ok eoe

deep breath in.....deep breath out....

still on hold..... she making you wait?


and again

deep breath in.....deep breath out

I'm still on hold!
Hanging up now. She'll call back.