Relationship problem with sister

Is there more you want to say?

Of course it is childish, but her children are old enough to make their own decisions.

You can let them know, that your problems with your sister have nothing to do with them, and that as far as you are concerned, you would like to continue your relationship with your nieces and nephews.

Then it is up to them to accept the offer or leave it.

And you should accept their decision.

Jodie--

Not all families qualify for Picture Book Illustrations of Happy Clans.

Some families--and some individuals--aren't suited for "happy".

Are your parents still living?

If children who are 30-40 somethings are still hanging on to mommy's word, and not making decisions for themselves, they are the ones that have the problem.

If the falling out was only three years ago and her children are in their 30s and 40s then you've already been involved in their lives to such a point that they would (hopefully) realize that their mother's issues are not their own. Assuming that's the case, what would you like to see as a next step? If they're actually doing their mother's bidding, that tells me a lot more about your nieces/nephews and your sister.

My oldest brother and I don't communicate. We fell out some years ago. His only child, my nephew, has not spoken to me either. When my middle brother passed away, this nephew called my youngest brother and spoke with him but he did not contact me. I can only assume, since I have no way of contacting him, that nephew resents what I've accused his father of and I suppose, if I were in his shoes, I would feel the same way and not contact me either. Oh well. It's easier since everyone lives in different parts of the country but I have a grandneice that I've never laid eyes on. That hurts but, people make their choices and life goes on.

Her children may be obeying her wishes (really, an order), just to keep the peace. She sounds like she has an iron hand with those adult - kids. Pity them.

OR - there are valid reasons when she does not want her family members to be around you.

Who knows the truth???

In the meantime, (and because we only know the half of the story) try to carry on.

You don't need the approval of family members to lead your own life.

My sister use to live in the same town as me but for the last seven years she has lived in another state but her children live in the same town that I do. She was very greety after mom passed away and took what she wanted not caring if the other siblings got anything and I had a problem with that.
After the disagreement she sent me a letter and told me to never get in touch with her or her children in anyway what so ever. Later her son sent me an e-mail telling me that he told her that she was totally wrong to tell me something like that but for now he would abide by her wishes. He said that he didn't know why they should be included with the problem. A year ago my nice that lives here had a baby . My sister came here and stayed two weeks at that time. They chose to not let me know anythiing about the baby and it was born at a hospital about 10 minutes from where I live. The baby is now a year old. The last time she visited here she sent me an e-mail and wanted to get together for lunch and I told her at the present time I thought it would be better if we didn't see each other. With the way she has treated me I don't think I can ever bring myself to be with them again. My dad is still living and I hear things from him.

Well, be good to YOURSELF -

That means the day you put her into the ground, YOU will be able to say, "I did my part. I was always approachable."

It sounds like she made a gesture. Now it's up to you. Swallow your pride.

Take the high road and call her and have lunch or just coffee. If she starts acting up, then you know that you made a step, but she just could not. At least you will have done what you could.

Good luck.

Ay, yi, yi.. Now I know why I don't believe in inheritances. Not you, jodie -- it's just that the more I hear about family explosions as a result of parents dying the more I'm happy with my decision to leave everything to charity. I'd rather my kids hate me when I'm gone than each other.


Anyway, that doesn't help your current situation. Here's what I would do... send your niece a card and tell her you'd like to get together for lunch or dinner so that you can meet the baby. What's past is past and it won't be undone -- move forward.

Jodie--

Whether your sister (and your adult nieces and nephews) are right or wrong, they have made choices.

Do what you can for family harmony, but don't expect your sister to accommodate your wishes.

My mother and aunt and brothers had a serious disagreement when they were all in their early fifties and we cousins were in our teens, over something to do with one of the older brothers and his wife taking advantage of another relative on a real estate deal, or not, depending on who you talked with. Silence for twenty+ years..

but, in the meantime, my cousins and I were suddenly not seeing each other at family bridge parties and so on. A few years passed and I ran into one cousin in the UCLA student union. We went for coffee, and have been close friends ever since, as I am with her sister, who was immediately glad we had gotten together. We all said whatever happened with us, we'd continue talking.. and this has been true for 40 years now, whatever our differences.
We had in common the distaste for the family quarrel..

Not that I don't understand dropping people in some circumstances. But - I have a hard time with dropping people because others do so.

It would be very difficult for me to send my niece an invite for lunch so I can see the baby. We use to go for lunch for our birthday's and exchange gifts and she has chose to do nothing for all of this time.
My birthday is a month before hers.
I really do not feel that I have done anything to her children.
This is not the first time my sister and I have had problems. She and my other sister haven't spoke in four years. I really do not like family problems. But I have to say she is just a bully that wants to control everyone around her.

Do you realize that there is going to be another generation affected by all this BS?

The baby will never know you. That is really sad.

Please communicate with the child as soon as you can.

Yep, swallow the history, call her and invite her to lunch as if nothing has happened. Don't bring it up unless she does. Move forward.

[quote="jodie34"]It would be very difficult for me to send my niece an invite for lunch so I can see the baby. We use to go for lunch for our birthday's and exchange gifts and she has chose to do nothing for all of this time.[/quote]

I think you have made your choice...

If missing birthday presents for you are a reason not to contact your niece, I get the feeling that family ties are really not THAT important to you!

Bohne,
Getting birthday presents are not the issue. Believe me presents are not important to me. What I am saying my niece was the one who chose to not do birthdays anymore. She and her mom were the ones that chose to not let me know when the baby was born. My thoughts are I did nothing to her to cause this situation. The issue between me and her mom should have been left at that. Anytime my sister has an issue with someone she lies and God only knows what she has told her children. It is like she trys to see how many people she can have on her side. I feel like it is my niece's responsibility as to who gets to know her child. I do have some sympathy for my nieces and nephews when it comes to mom ruling them with an iron fist . After all they are in their thirties and forties.

Bohne,
Getting birthday presents are not the issue. Believe me presents are not important to me. What I am saying my niece was the one who chose to not do birthdays anymore. She and her mom were the ones that chose to not let me know when the baby was born. My thoughts are I did nothing to her to cause this situation. The issue between me and her mom should have been left at that. Anytime my sister has an issue with someone she lies and God only knows what she has told her children. It is like she trys to see how many people she can have on her side. I feel like it is my niece's responsibility as to who gets to know her child. I do have some sympathy for my nieces and nephews when it comes to mom ruling them with an iron fist . After all they are in their thirties and forties.

Life's too short to wait for someone else to figure out what you would like them to do. If you want to meet your grand-niece then tell your niece that you miss the times you used to spend together and that you'd like to meet her daughter. You're stewing in your own pickle juice. Decide what you would like to see happen and work toward that end.