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Mon 31 Dec, 2007 08:46 pm
... I have a couple of questions.
One:
One relative sent a gift (a check) for a smallish amount that I know they cannot afford. I have a hard time considering cashing it.
Another relative sent a gift card that I found extravagant. She can afford it but still..... it's extravagant. Too much. (I called this relative to ask if the amount was some kind of mistake -- I wasn't, she says.)
What do you do about gifts that baffle you?
Boom, if someone gave it, take it. Nothing but grief comes from questioning a gift. (they come the way they do for multiple complex reasons)
RH
I've gotten a gift check from someone I knew she's on a limited budget,
and I didn't cash it. When she asked a while back, why I hadn't cashed the check, I pretended to have forgotten all about it. It continued until
she realized I'm not going to cash it.
happy new year boomer, hope your christmas was enjoyable, apart from some gift complications
had an issue like this with a co-worker
no real advice, hope to see what others say
RH, true what you say
Re: About that gift....
boomerang wrote:One relative sent a gift (a check) for a smallish amount that I know they cannot afford. I have a hard time considering cashing it.Another relative sent a gift card that I found extravagant. She can afford it but still..... it's extravagant. Too much. (I called this relative to ask if the amount was some kind of mistake -- I wasn't, she says.) What do you do about gifts that baffle you?
Hi Boomer, welcome
OK, how about this.
1. The cheque. Buy an extremely pretty card and write something from your heart in about how grateful you are for the cheque. Send something small in it that means a lot to you....ie: a chain, an old photo, a keepsake or talisman of some sort. Put this in the card and send it to her or give it to her. Gifts of our own, to which we are attached, are always lovely to recieve - and to give.
2. The gift card. Buy yourself something nice, and something nice for ther person who gave it to you. Something little that says 'thank you' & attach a card to it. Keep whatever is left on the gift card and maybe use it to buy birthday gifts for relatives throughout the year or at times when you're not feeling quite so flush!
What do you think? Just a thought.
- jazzie
My father bought my mother a few rounds with a personal weight loss trainer. He did it with best intentions, knowing he'd probably get bitched at. He did get bitched at. She'll use it for something else - like massages. I did the good-middle-child thing and tried to mediate..... no avail.
boomer, Both people wanted you to have what they sent. I think you should cash the checks. Buy something nice and let the people who sent the money know what you bought and how much you're enjoying it. Or, if you don't want to buy anything, let them know to what use you'll put the money.
I'm with Roberta.
Unless you have strong reason to believe that one of these people is mentally defective denying them the right to give you a present of their choosing is a little insulting.
Re: About that gift....
boomerang wrote:... I have a couple of questions.
One:
One relative sent a gift (a check) for a smallish amount that I know they cannot afford. I have a hard time considering cashing it.
Another relative sent a gift card that I found extravagant. She can afford it but still..... it's extravagant. Too much. (I called this relative to ask if the amount was some kind of mistake -- I wasn't, she says.)
What do you do about gifts that baffle you?
I would probably not cash the check... I have been the recipient of checks that were too generous for the budgets of the senders enough times that I have experienced banks penalties in unpleasant configurations to both my and the giver's account(s). I no longer cash these checks, but pretend I am a FLAKE and cannot cash them properly. It's the thought that counts, in the end, isn't it? A gift card, otoh, I would use. I like the idea of giving back to the recipient, but I would stick to regifting with candy from the store with the gift card... Jmo, fwiw.
Ooops - I didn't make it clear that these gifts were to my son, who is six, not to me. I'm not sure if that makes a difference but his concept of money isn't very well formed.
I truly thought the gift card was a mistake - like maybe she bought several but all of the money ended up on the card she sent Mo. My call embarrassed her a bit and I felt bad about that.
I like the idea of sending them a little gift bought with the money and I agree that it's a bit rude to deny them the pleasure of sending a gift. I might have the opportunity to treat them both to something special, in person, in the next couple of months so I will put my mind to that.
Thanks for the advice!
I almost opened a thread about this one after sozlet's birthday party... in fact, did I mention it? I don't remember now and I'm too zonked to go look. But interested in responses.
Same deal. Sozlet got a lot of generous presents for her birthday but one was WHOA. It was an absolute slew of Groovy Girl merchandise. Two poseable GGs (which I know are usually $15/ea), a couch (more like $30-40), an armchair (~$25), an outfit (~$10-$15), and a mini (not sure... $10?) When the mom came to pick up the kid I goggled at her and she made vague "oh, it's nothing, I'm glad she liked it" motions. Nothing about happening upon a great sale or anything. E.G. did the same, didn't get anything out of her either.
Now, I usually spend about $25 on birthday presents for sozlet's friends, so this was a BIG jump.
I agonized about what to do with it -- have sozlet give some to charity? But ended up just letting her keep it. She sent a raving thank-you (all on her own).
I consider the case closed, I guess, but I still feel a little unsettled by it. If an opportunity comes to be generous back, I'll take it. (We already attended the girl's birthday party, before sozlet's.)
boomer, give the gift card to the person who gave you the check.
How do you know the person has "limited" means?
No matter; apparently, these people want to give this to your son.
The best thing you can do is to make sure your son expresses thanks, with a nice thank-you card (homemade) stating what he will do with that money or gift card (establishing savings accounts are always impressive to the elderly)
Make sure you son shares your "awe" in what these people did.
(Kids have such sense of entitlement nowadays. They don't appreciate anything, anymore.) Make your kid an exception to this trend.
I feel strongly about this. Don't take the check that was hard for me to come up with but I gave you by my choice, and give me back some cute little thing. Please.
I want you to cash it. I understand people not cashing it, but I would feel slightly diminished by that, even with it being well meant.
I have been in giver's position off and on over the years.
To echo Rockhead earlier in the thread, let it alone, cash the checks.
He's already sent out his thank you cards. He's six though, and this year he had to write them by himself so they were pretty rudimentary. Heartfelt expressions of gratitude are a bit beyond his written vocabulary.
I know their means are limited because these are people I know and love.
I must have missed your story earlier, soz. My computer is really wonky right now and I can't seem to stay booted up for more than a few minutes at a time. Long threads are beyond my capacity. Longish responses are even a trick.
ossobuco wrote:I feel strongly about this. Don't take the check that was hard for me to come up with but I gave you by my choice, and give me back some cute little thing that you bought with it. Please. ***
I want you to cash it. I understand people not cashing it, but I would feel slightly diminished by that, even with it being well meant.
I have been in giver's position off and on over the years.
To echo Rockhead earlier in the thread, let it alone, cash the checks.
***
OOPS, I misread, in that the advice was to give something of your own, beg your pardon.
Still, I might do that sometime, but not in a tit for tat way. Just take the check.
Thanks for this thread. I got a cheque for Christmas that perplexed me a bit - same situation, from someone who I know is not flush. But, after reading here, I will cash it and write a thank you note telling them how much I appreciated it and what I spent it on. You're right, it's not for me to judge what they can and cannot afford, or how they want to spend their money.
As for over-the-top gifts: Thinking of another thread here, consider that it might be a re-gift! :wink: Or that sometimes a person has access to a normally expensive item for very little money (supplier discount or such) and gets the brilliant idea of giving it to just the right person. (I've done things like that.)
New Year's resolution: Stop the guilt and let the giftor enjoy your enjoyment!
I think in both cases you accept the gifts. For the larger gift card, you could let Mo buy himself one thing, and then use it periodically to buy gifts for other kids when he's invited to birthdays, or things for Mo whenever you feel like it.
If I were the person of limited means, I would be hurt to know that what I sent was not accepted.
I am not a wealthy person. I occasionally do an over the top gift to someone special.
The fact that I should not reinforces what I do.
Enjoy the spirit of the gift to honor them.
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