Suddenly Last Summer I Married a Witch
A brother and sister take trips around Europe and picking up men is their hobby -- she wears a see-thru when wet swimsuit to intice the prospective sexual liasons. Don't want to give away the surprise ending as the sister turns out to be a witch and marries her brother. At first he refuses but then complies, "Well, if you incest."
Honeymoon and Fear and Loathing in Leaving Las Vegas
Nicholas Cage plays a detective who loses his wife to a con man in Las Vegas due to psychological issues with his mother and then trys to drink himself to death while banging hookers. He meets up with a strange reporter and a large Samoan and starts taking a lot of acid, resulting in visions of flying Elvises, which miraculously cures him in the midst of substance-abuse related hilarity.
Youse guys is nuts.
The Citizen Kane Mutiny
Fred MacMurray stars as a dissatsified reporter on one of Orson Welles' newspapers. He organizes a revolt in the newsroom in an effort to unionize the editorial staff. Marion Davies, playing herself, makes a play for copy boy Van Johnson, but is rebuffed. Humphrey Bogart in a cameo as Horace Greeley. Screenplay by Ben Hecht and Charles MacArthur. Costuming by Versace. Lighting and production supervision by GWLightwizard.
Oh, please stop me before I type more.
Crossroads
Britney Spears and her friends go on a road trip, and meet up with Blind Dog, who teaches them all how to play blues, and convinces Britney to dance in her underwear for him on the promise to teach her Robert Johnson's only unrecorderd song. They learn a lot about their friendship, and about not trusting old drunk bluesmen.
Merrily we roll along and remember that you can use "fair and balanced" now without being sued.
Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore
Wife-swapping tale involving a waitress at Mel's Diner.
Might Joe Young Frankenstein
Charlize Theron rolls in the hay while Gene Wilder creates an enormous ape in his lab.
Malcolm X-Men
Fact-based drama about radical mutants. Directed by Spike Lee.
Love that last one, Janet!
Hey, welcome back, Andy! :-D
Hey, Andy, thanks for the job!
Saturday Night Fever, the Sequel: 28 Days Later
Disco fans come to realize that dance fever is the least of their concerns.
The Ten Last Commandments
Moses becomes really verbose and decides to carve in stone sixty commandments. He's blessed with jack hammer which he uses to edit his long and turgid list of laws and ends up with ten that are suppose to cover just about everything. They end up in a golden arc which is later dug up by Indiana Jones and even later is discovered by an energy company who links it up to our electrical grid.
Gentle Ben Hur
Charlton Heston plays Jewish Nobility once again, and is once again enslaved, this time by Romans. He meets a friendly bear who he secretly trains to kill Romans on command, against the bear's better instincts, to help in his revenge against his opressors.
The Girl, the Gold Watch and Everything you always Wanted to know about Sex
Robert Hayes has special powers in this Woody Allen romp.
The Englishman Who Went Up to The House on Haunted Hill and Came Down the Other Side of the Mountain
--An English surveying party in Wales encounters a supernatural presence while spending a year in the wilderness.
Shakespeare in Love With the Proper Stranger
--Will and Christopher Marlowe head down to the Globe and discuss a joint venture over a couple of bare bodkins.
Dirty Dancing With Wolves
--An army lieutenant heads westward and establishes a strip club in the wilderness
The Phantom Menace of the Opera
--Jar Jar Binks sings "La Traviata"
The Ugly American Pie
--Jason Biggs discovers plain girls are easy
Equus -- those are wickedly funny. You all started off my day with laughter -- the best medicine (I did take a samE but it's not nearly as effective).
Shanghai Black Knights
Jackie Chan decides to add Martin Lawrence to another dreary flick with Owen Wilson. He figured he did well with a black guy once, then a white guy, so why not just mix it all up and set it in medieval times, just for the hell of it?
License to Kill a Mockingbird
--British secret agents fight racial prejudice
My Reservoir Dog Skip
A shy boy finds a loveable dog who helps him gain enough confidence to join the mafia and get involved in a botched robbery. Sadly, some want Skip out of the operation, so he is bashed in the head, has his ear cut off, and then he is doused in gasoline and set on fire. Although now a man, the boy is heartbroken, admits he is really a cop, and is comforted by Kevin Bacon just before dying of gunshot wounds.
"What Disney was thinking teaming up with Tarantino is beyond my comprehension...and to market this as a kids movie is just horrid!" one critic commented.
"I thought it was pretty cool...and gross," commented a 13 yr. old pyromaniac who snuck into the premiere. "Ever see a cat on fire? It's pretty neat...and they smell bad...."
Eeewww, cav, I think you just out-grossed Tarantino and I don't mean in box office receipts.
But, I do have to admit it is funny black humor and I love the critic's blurb. That would be a nice addition to the entires! Like Ebert says, two thumbs placed where the sun don't shine on this movie.
Heh heh...hey, I am man enough to admit that I can't get through My Dog Skip without bawling like a girl...dog owner and all....and with the wife in the production industry, I have had read plenty of proposals even worse than that one I just posted
