Ragman - you're my hero! Your sage-like advice is very well put and is a pleasure to read.
I agree with your response to "once a cheater, always a cheater. I believe that people CAN change, if they really, really want to.
I cheated many years ago on a wonderful man and sacrificed 6 years with him for 3 weeks of wild, crazy sex with a work colleague. I did it b/c I was bored. I never told my b/f, but I left both men as I needed to look at the reasons why I had done it, so that I would not do it again. The guilt was overwhelming and I knew I was the one who had lost out in the end. It is something I will never do again b/c in hindsight I realised how much I had hurt him (even tho I didn't tell him), myself and others around me. It was selfish and arrogant of me to do what I did and no amount of justification makes it okay. It was a valuable life lesson. btw, the ex-b/f is now married to a wonderful lady and they have a little baby together
Anywa. By leaving both men, I realised what the warning signals were and got to know myself a lot better too when a bit of distance was applied to my situation.
Perhaps going to Iraq will provide a little perspective and distance to this situation also? It is tricky, but some relationships can survive infidelity, especialy (I think) if the unfaithful one is authentically contrite and knows the errors of his or her ways. But obviously, it is also something which can crush a marriage.
Kerben, how do you feel about the possibility of telling your partner about it?
- jazz
