Things fall apart.

Oh - this is a brother/sister or sister/sister thing -

Shift gears.

Were you the older, wiser, caretaking sibling? and now are not that (because you have your own life to live)

She is PO'ed about that.

Consider it holiday stress and write it off. Let her know how you feel after the holidays when things settle down.

The holidays is not a time for anything except just getting through them with a little bit of sanity left -

Om-om-om-om and a whole lot of egg nog.

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boomerang wrote:

What this is "about", I guess, or what started it anyway is a little merry xmas - f/u email my sister dashed off to me and my siblings. It came as a bit of a surprise. I live 2,000 miles from my sister. We talk regularly but the f/u portion of her letter was something she had never brought up before. Basically she was pissed because I'm not a mind reader.

I immediately called her and apologized explaining that I had been wrapped up in a bit of drama lately (which she does know about) and that I know I haven't been very attentive to other things of late. I told her that she would have to spell things out - what did she need, what could I do.

The whole thing got me thinking about how a lot of people expect you to just "know" when somethings wrong and they need help.

Maybe I'm just better at admitting I need help than most people.....

I don't know.

Ah, now I see.

She was expecting - at a distance of 2000 miles away - that you would somehow "read between the lines" of her spoken & written words? That you would somehow pick up on what was concerning her, without her actually telling you?

I would be pretty pissed off, too, if my very first inkling of her concerns was in the form of a f/u section of a letter! Jeez.

It sounds to me as though whatever "it" was has really upset her & thrown her off balance .... & that she has taken her frustrations/anger/worries/whatever, out on you. And the rest of her siblings.

This is probably not the best time to talk (too much) about your anger & hurt at being treated in this way. (What did the other siblings make of her outburst? How did they respond?) It would probably just make things even worse, given your sister's state of mind. But I definitely would, as soon as the time seems "right". And do stop apologising for not being a long distance mind reader, boomerang!

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Things Fall Apart

Quote:

I have come to the conclusion that things fall apart, relationships fall apart, when people expect others to read minds. It seems to me that what goes unsaid leads to more trouble than anything else.

Now I'm not talking about those extreme honest people who say whatever pops into their heads and damn the torpedos. I'm talking about people who get all pissed off when they have never given you reason to believe anything is wrong.

Thanks for the timely subject. I'm quietly dying because the spouse that I love with every fiber of my being is doing everything to force a divorce. Until a few months ago, I thought we were OK. We had our issues, but the prognosis was positive. Now she says she has never really wanted me, it's all been a lie. I've always been responsive to the slightest whim of hers and she admits it - she just didn't have it in her to say she wanted out. So I've lost 10 years, my fortune, many friends, a job, and now half of whatever is left because she expected me to read her mind for her.
Instead she has an affair to force the issue . Gutless. I could have loved another. (sob) God help me...

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Re: Things Fall Apart

brokenheartedpz wrote:

Thanks for the timely subject. I'm quietly dying because the spouse that I love with every fiber of my being is doing everything to force a divorce. Until a few months ago, I thought we were OK. We had our issues, but the prognosis was positive. Now she says she has never really wanted me, it's all been a lie. I've always been responsive to the slightest whim of hers and she admits it - she just didn't have it in her to say she wanted out. So I've lost 10 years, my fortune, many friends, a job, and now half of whatever is left because she expected me to read her mind for her.

Instead she has an affair to force the issue . Gutless. I could have loved another. (sob) God help me...

Tough love coming at you - big warning. Don't read if you're feeling weak, emotional, etc.

First of all, you can't tell me you didn't have an inkling of any of this. You can't supposedly love someone with every fiber of your being and not know SOMETHING is up. Come on.

And you haven't lost 10 years - according to you, you loved someone with every fiber of your being. That's a good thing. You weren't alone. You loved someone. Think of all the wonderful times during those ten years.

Now get a backbone - do you want to be with someone who doesn't want you? How did you lose your fortune? Why did you lose your friends? Why were you responsive to her every whim?

Advice: Give her the divorce, say good riddance and move on with your life.

There's always more (obviously) to the story than what first comes out but if what you have said is a summary, MOVE ON. Say "Bye Bye" to her and get going.

Have some time to yourself, love yourself, have some fun... and maybe look for someone who will appreciate you./

Again, the time wasn't wasted - you learned a LOT during that time.

Now quit crying, blow your nose and move forward (I say that to myself, too, so I'm not picking on you)... let's go! There's a whole world out there waiting for you to discover it.

Leave the bad stuff BEHIND you. Get it? The crap is left BEHIND and you move FORWARD. Win-Win.

Best of luck.

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Falling apart,

things do.

I remember words like

syntropy, by

Albert Szent-gyorgy or

similar name. Not

to mention synergy, see

how many hits on google.

I know all about all that and still

don't know how to keep stuff from just falling.

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Things fall apart.

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