Mean girls.

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I know that it's best to keep out of my daughters arguments with her friends since kids argue and make up the next day. BUT, I'm so disappointed with my 16 year old daughters friends.

I love it when she has her friends over. First, I know where my kids are and a little of what they are doing. Plus it keeps a line of communication open between myself and my daughter as well as her friends. J(my daughter) has been hanging out almost exclusively with two girls, L and C.
I've taken L and C with us on two different roadtrip weekends. I drive them all over the place and always welcome them to my home and kitchen. J is a sweet girl and a good friend. This fall, she absolutely did not want to go to homecoming without a date but reluctantly went with L because she had never been to a formal dance and really wanted to go. I had to persuade J to be a good friend and just do this for L.

I've always been a little leary of L. At first she would never talk to me or make eye contact. Now C is a big goofball and makes me laugh. I suspect L is a rebel and doesn't treat her mother respectfully.

OK now I'm going to make my point. J and L met some boys at the mall who were handing out flyers for they're bands show. J thought the band boy was really cute and actually overcame her shyness and talked to him. L and C agreed to go to the show with J. J was so excited and wanted to make a good first impression on this boy. The girls were all at L's house and J was asking to borrow a jacket for friday night. L said OK but why are you making such a big deal out of this.(My daughter confides all this to me, I'm glad to have this type of a relationship) I'm suspecting L might be feeling a little jealous. As my daughter gets up to leave(I'm out front to pick her up) L tells her not to take the jacket. When J asks why L tells her because she wants to wear it friday. My daughter got upset and left. Now L won't talk to her because she made a stink about the jacket. But my daughter says "It's not about the jacket, it's about my friends laughing at me about why I'm excited about friday night.

At this point I make the prediction the L and C are going to ditch her and go to the show without her. That was exactly their little shitty plan until C mom wouldn't let her go. So after a day of giving J the cold shoulder, L calls up and apologizes, about an hour after the show started.

I told J she needs to re-evaluate her friendships and broaden her friendship base.

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I am experiencing similar things on a smaller scale with my 12 year old
daughter too, Marty, and I always thought: three friends is one too many, regardless if it's girls or boys or ....well Wink

Even when I look back at my situation at that age, whenever there
was three of us girls, it didn't take long and we would fight about something
trivial and one would always take sides with the other, depending what
side was better to be on.

When my daughter has her "BFF" over, everything runs smoothly and
they're having a good time. Enters another "BFF" into the picture, we've
got a problem sooner or later. It always ends up with one of them
being upset and the others defending their position. So, I narrowed it
down to one "BFF" *sigh* at a time, or in even numbers. If I have
four or six girls at the house there is rarely a problem.

Well, I hope that your daughter was able to go to the show regardless,
after all, she wanted to see the band boy again Smile

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(I'm not a parent, but I can help.)

I don't see why you are so concerned about. Its just girls and jealously. It was always and you have to prepare for that.
Girls laugh at people and they manipulate and they hurt people its just girls.

I know your daughter is upset about because they laughed at her, but what she needs to realize and you need to realize is that its jealously.
Girls and boys will always be cruel to one another. We have friends, we fight with friends, some we get back, and others we don't.
Its part of life.

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It is, but it's hard on the kids and it's hard to watch as a parent.

We've dealt with teen triangle drama for years. It's hard, marty, but J will get through it. The scars are part of what lets her stand up for herself when she's out on her own.

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I agree with JPB. I know how hard it is to watch, but it could be worse and it'll pass.

Heck, I use to get beat up in school and deal with daily threats. Just sayin, it could be much worse.

You and your daughter hang in there.

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Leaka wrote:

(I'm not a parent, but I can help.)

I don't see why you are so concerned about. Its just girls and jealously. It was always and you have to prepare for that.
Girls laugh at people and they manipulate and they hurt people its just girls.

I know your daughter is upset about because they laughed at her, but what she needs to realize and you need to realize is that its jealously.
Girls and boys will always be cruel to one another. We have friends, we fight with friends, some we get back, and others we don't.
Its part of life.

Of course it jealousy. That doesn't make it OK or easy to see happen to someone you love.

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My daughter has gotten over this tiff but had her heart set on going to this show for over a week and then had the rug pulled out at the last minute. She has taken my advice, and although she still talks to the other girls she is trying to branch out and socialize with others.

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Sounds like a good idea and I'm glad all is well :-D

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martybarker wrote:

Of course it jealousy. That doesn't make it OK or easy to see happen to someone you love.

I wasn't saying that.
I was saying that it comes with the age and it will pass. We gain friends and we lose friends.
Its not like she will see her friends after high school.

Also you don't know people very much. I think you would be a better mother. A lot of what I have experienced from my sisters is that my parents we never concerned about her.
They said she did it to herself. Just be lucky your daughter is popular.

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huh??

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What Rock said Confused

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Leaka is from Greece and working on her English

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His English.

Double cultural barrier there.

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double that: Confused

huh??

It's not the language barrier only it's the ideas of what is being expressed. There could be a maturity issue there.

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I believe he is also quite young.

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Sorry.
I'm not good at writing what I want.

I was saying that your daughter doesn't have it that bad. Yes her friends are jealous of her, but its not as bad as my sister.
My sister didn't have friends and everyone was jealous of her.
Your daughter has friends and if its easy for her to make new friends then it doesn't affect her as much.
My sister couldn't make new friends. She was always nervous around people and it made her say weird things.
My parents didn't even to seem to want to help her while going through it.
So your daughter has friends, she can make new friends, and her parents cares about what she is going through.

Therefore your daughter is popular.

Also I'm a boy and I'm nineteen.

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Leaka--

Your sister and Marty's daughter are two very different kettles of fish.

You are nineteen--not that much older than Marty's daughter--and you were quite unhappy when an A2K poster made what you felt were unjust and unnecessary comments about your creative writing.

Should your aunties day, "Leaka, just let it slide. Don't worry?" That wasn't what you wanted to hear.

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Noddy24 wrote:

Leaka--

Your sister and Marty's daughter are two very different kettles of fish.

You are nineteen--not that much older than Marty's daughter--and you were quite unhappy when an A2K poster made what you felt were unjust and unnecessary comments about your creative writing.

Should your aunties day, "Leaka, just let it slide. Don't worry?" That wasn't what you wanted to hear.

That's not what I was saying.

I was saying that maybe instead of cooing at jealously maybe say something like, "Jealously is going to happen its a part of life. If you don't like the way your friend is acting maybe you should tell her about. Ask her why she is so jealous."

Jealously is going to happen even in the adult world. There are things that you should let slide. If you don't it will always brother you.

And the writing thing is different. Its not jealously that feels him its pride. Its to much pride and probably the thought that they are better then everyone.
Thats what I get from his every post.

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The part that bothers me so much is the fact that my daughter sacrificed an evening to go to homecoming even though she really didn't want to go. She did it to be a good friend and then this girl turned around and sabatoged my daughters evening that was important to her.

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Marty, as hard as these little wenches can be, it is good for your daughter to learn to swim with the barracudas, and to find dolphins to play with...

Young people play in a vicious pool. My niecies tell awful stories of mean girls. Your daughter sounds sharp enough to navigate, and you are keeping communication open.

Mean people suck everywhere... Rolling Eyes

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Mean girls.

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