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"Peons of Praise"--The Author Said That

 
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Wed 28 Nov, 2007 06:32 pm
Roberta, this thread is delicious...
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Roberta
 
  1  
Reply Wed 28 Nov, 2007 06:42 pm
Glad you find it tasty, osso. You can thank Diane. She's the one who noodged me to save this stuff.

More:

They did not have to work to eek out a living. (Eke! A mouse!)

If the deceased spouse clearly attempts to dispose of the entire estate... (Hey. If the deceased spouse attempts anything, check for a pulse, you joik.)

The language in such contracts has been formulated so as to reduce mistakes and understanding. (Aren't all contracts formulated to reduce understanding? Why bring it up?)
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edgarblythe
 
  1  
Reply Wed 28 Nov, 2007 07:45 pm
At age 20, I went to Crystal City, Texas, to work, building houses. I saw, when I arrived, that the boss and his staff had had a few signs printed up, extolling the virtues of the brand new Masonite siding. Because their native tongue was Spanish, they had consulted a dictionary to ensure they would not embarrass themselves with misspellings. They wrote that the material had no "nut holes," that it resists "mild dew," plus a few other goodies I have since forgotten. I don't fault these guys. They did their best with limited information. I wished I could have gotten there a day or so earlier, to help them.
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Diane
 
  1  
Reply Wed 28 Nov, 2007 08:59 pm
Ya know, Boidy, this sentence is unusually honest. Maybe you shouldn't have been so hard on the author..

Quote:
The language in such contracts has been formulated so as to reduce mistakes and understanding.
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Eva
 
  1  
Reply Wed 28 Nov, 2007 09:01 pm
Oh, Roberta! These are priceless!

I've just finished editing this week's articles by my high school students. I edit them at home so they won't hear me laughing. There are always some real gems in there. Here's a few from the pile sitting on my desk right now.

"Our school is populated with various generations of laptops...the current seniors' laptops largely being small..."

"The artists' trees will be up for cell and its frist come frist serve so come out and see the great destplay."

"Dewey is a five year old painted horse." (I could hardly wait to open the attached photo file.)

"Mr. Jones brought mashed potatoes, they were a hug success. Nothing was said against those potatoes. It was a great turn out of food..."
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Eva
 
  1  
Reply Wed 28 Nov, 2007 09:12 pm
I have to say, though, that my all time favorite mistake was one I committed myself. When Joe Nation wrote for a newsletter I edited, we were privileged to have the editor of a major magazine doing our copy editing. He taught me a lot, and the editing notes he wrote in the margins were absolutely hilarious.

My favorite was the comment he made when, following the local custom, I referred to a particular shop by the name of its well-known and pompous owner..."The new bookstore is located behind Charles Xxxxxxx."

He wrote: "I never realized his ass was that wide."
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Roberta
 
  1  
Reply Thu 29 Nov, 2007 01:24 am
Edgar, I don't fault those guys either. They clearly did the best they could. I fault paid authors who don't read what they write.

Diane, I'm always too hard on the authors. It's one of my numerous charms. One accused me of "dulling up" her work. Year, lady, I turned it into English.

Eva, Thanks for the examples from your students. And the editor's comment made me laugh. The pseudoword "frist" reminded me of something--a Noo Yawk subway graffiti story. Don't know if it's true, but I like it.

Someone wrote on subway ad, "I like grils."

Someone else came along and crossed out "grils" and wrote "girls."

Someone else came along and wrote, "What about us grils?"

I have some doozy mistakes left. More manana.
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dadpad
 
  1  
Reply Thu 29 Nov, 2007 01:30 am
More Please.
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Sglass
 
  1  
Reply Thu 29 Nov, 2007 02:46 am
Roberta wrote:
Edgar, I don't fault those guys either. They clearly did the best they could. I fault paid authors who don't read what they write.

Diane, I'm always too hard on the authors. It's one of my numerous charms. One accused me of "dulling up" her work. Year, lady, I turned it into English.

Eva, Thanks for the examples from your students. And the editor's comment made me laugh. The pseudoword "frist" reminded me of something--a Noo Yawk subway graffiti story. Don't know if it's true, but I like it.

Someone wrote on subway ad, "I like grils."

Someone else came along and crossed out "grils" and wrote "girls."

Someone else came along and wrote, "What about us grils?"

I have some doozy mistakes left. More manana.


My favorite Noo York graffiti took place in the ladies room of Jack Barry's barroom on Greenwich Avenue in the village.

Someone had scribbled on the wall "My mother made me a homosexual, " underneath the scribble someone neatly printed, "If I get her the material, will she make me one?"
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Noddy24
 
  1  
Reply Thu 29 Nov, 2007 08:30 am
Quote:
If the deceased spouse clearly attempts to dispose of the entire estate... (Hey. If the deceased spouse attempts anything, check for a pulse, you joik.)



Perhaps you can take it with you?
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Roberta
 
  1  
Reply Thu 29 Nov, 2007 04:13 pm
Hey, Sglass. Laughing. Good one. Maybe you could start a thread about graffiti. If we've got these two, I bet there are a lot more.

Noddy, I suspect that if you could actually take it with you, someone already would have. Egyptian pharoahs certainly gave it a shot.


More:

Once you have identified the potential treats by natural and manmade disasters... (Never really thought of a disaster, natural or manmade, as a treat. But hey, what do I know?)

...asks for something from its citizens, such as contributing their time, money, or kids. (There are contributions, and there are CONTRIBUTIONS)

The manager was expected to oversea the operation. (Wouldn't it be easier if he did it onsite?)
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Eva
 
  1  
Reply Thu 29 Nov, 2007 11:48 pm
NOT Roberta, but somebody wrote:
The manager was expected to oversea the operation.


Maybe that wasn't a mistake. Maybe it was a Freudian slip, considering all the operations that companies are outsourcing to India and China these days. :wink:
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Shapeless
 
  1  
Reply Fri 30 Nov, 2007 12:13 am
Many years ago my local newspaper once ran a promo for the town's newly renovated "pubic library."
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Roberta
 
  1  
Reply Fri 30 Nov, 2007 03:01 am
Excellent point, Eva. For all I know I could have changed something that was right! Oh, the horror.

Hey, Shapeless. How come we can't get any pubic libraries here in the Big Apple? Phooey.

More:

The foreign yolk chaffed on the Chinese. (Two in one sentence. Impressive.)

An author decided to make up an example using farm animals. He came up with Dave the cow. (I thought that was an udder. I'm from the city. What do I know?)
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dadpad
 
  1  
Reply Fri 30 Nov, 2007 07:32 am
Local cattle sale some years ago advertised in the local paper

18 month old steers, good doers, PTIC.

(PTIC is shorthand for Preg Tested In Calf.
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Roberta
 
  1  
Reply Fri 30 Nov, 2007 04:46 pm
dadpad wrote:
Local cattle sale some years ago advertised in the local paper

18 month old steers, good doers, PTIC.

(PTIC is shorthand for Preg Tested In Calf.


I'm impressed, dadpad. It's not easy for a steer to be pregnant. Let's give credit where credit is due.


Another--slightly different:

I was hired to survey a textbook that was already published (mid-1990s).

First page, full color photo of Jackee Joyner Kersee with a caption stating that Jackie had won three medals at the 1980 Olympics.

Pause.

Longer pause.

The United States didn't participate in the 1980 Olympics.

Something for the reprint file.

Oy.
-----------------------------------------

Not an exact quote, but someone wrote about vultures flying high search for prey.

Prey?

Don't you have to be a predator to search for prey?

Oy.
0 Replies
 
roger
 
  1  
Reply Fri 30 Nov, 2007 06:08 pm
I've seen several writers refer to 50mm machine guns. Now, 50 caliber is large, but plausible. 50mm? Boys and girls, that is a really large machine gun. I mean, big.

Now you've done it. I had to type girls three times so it didn't come out "grils".
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Sglass
 
  1  
Reply Tue 4 Dec, 2007 01:20 am
roger wrote:
I've seen several writers refer to 50mm machine guns. Now, 50 caliber is large, but plausible. 50mm? Boys and girls, that is a really large machine gun. I mean, big.

Now you've done it. I had to type girls three times so it didn't come out "grils".


Laughing

practice makes puuurfect
0 Replies
 
username
 
  1  
Reply Tue 4 Dec, 2007 03:35 am
I'm not sure what it is with publishing houses these days--sometimes it seems like they've canned all the humans and just rely on computer spellcheckers. I remember one particularly cheesy science fiction book (sorry, I read the stuff) by a writer with a very high reputation in the genre, who wrote about a Martian invasion force standing in the field waiting "with baited breath" to embark (who knew Martians ate worms). That same book might not even have been spellchecked, since its heroes were small-g gods but someone somewhere along the line was convinced a synonym for "gods" was "dieties" (we don't want no fat gods in our book). Every three pages another diety. Every other page another stupid typo or misspelling, one of the most infuriating books I ever read.
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Francis
 
  1  
Reply Tue 4 Dec, 2007 04:26 am
What a piety!

I cannot wate (google that) to reed moor...
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