Making mountains outta molehills

Get an iPod so you do not hear so much going on around you, and decrease the amount of words you speak by 1/2.

If it isn't so bad, just let it be.

Do you know the "wu wei principle", mushy?

Wu wei is translated into "non-doing" it refers to the experience of going with the grain or swimming with the current. The expression, "going with the flow," is a direct expression of this fundamental "wu wei" principle, which in its most basic form refers to behavior occurring in response to the flow of the Tao.

I am certainly not much into Taoism, or the likes, but I have learned so much from wu wei readings.

No, I'd never heard of "wu wei principle" before. It sounds spot on to what would help me.

Keeping my mouth shut more often probably isn't a bad idea either.

It's bad enough that I'm willing to put in effort to change it. Mostly because of stress levels and relationships.

Being together in quiet peaceful supportive way is sooo underrated, everyone seems to think you have to talk all the time.......

It isn't a matter of learning to keep your mouth shut, it is more a matter of figuring out what is important to you and prioritizing your battles.

If you spend all your energy swatting at the thousands of gnats in your every day life, you'll not have any reserves for fighting the occasional invasion of locusts.

So true....comfortable silence.



mushy, I ask myself - Is this hill worth dying on?

Count to 10. While you're doing that, decide on whether it's an issue that needs more reflection before you speak. If it isn't something that is hurting some one, or dangerous, or mean.... let it slide for the moment. Then think about it. That's the key. Observe what you are doing and think about it. After you process, then speak. In time, the process happens much more quickly and naturally.

Or so my theory goes.

That's what I usually do but it seems I am a bit cavalier in throwing away my life.

Thanks for all the responses so far.

They all hit home. Especially to stop and think. And knowing my priorities and what is important to me beforehand.

To tell the truth, I think my priorities have been messed up and it's time to change some of them.

Picking a fight or prolonging one doesn't accomplish what I want.

Well, by asking the question, I'm pretty sure you're over half way to a solution.

I think, seeing the problem is the first step to solving it...

I used to be very set on certain things...
I used to get very upset, if things did not go my way...
Little, silly things!

Not sure, when the change came about.
I think I started looking at people.
Often people you see passing you by in the street or in cars look very grumpy.
Then I'd think: Do they have a good reason to be grumpy, or are they just wasting the time, while they could be a lot happier?

I happened to get a little grumpy smurf (from McD) and hung him on my laptop bag...
Every time I looked at him, I'd think: You are grumpy enough for both of us...

When I met my now husband, I got even more relaxed, simply because he is a person that hardly ever gets upset.
Whatever I suggest or want, it's usually: OK, whatever!

And because I was worried, that I would overrun him with all my ideas and plans, I turned down another notch.

He still thinks I am stubborn, but he did not know me ten years ago!

I too have died a thousand needless deaths.

But, I've decided to live on even more occassions. :wink:

A very intelligent teacher once told me - if it is something that will not affect you 5 years from now it is not worth worrying about. I still remember that from over 25 years ago and use it today. If it something unlikely to affect me 5 years from now, I can realize that it isn't that important and can file it away in the who cares file and go on.

I have always found that eliminating thinking entirely and just drifting through life in an unaware, almost comatose state, lessens stress and causes people around you to speak in hushed tones.

Yeah, what everyone else said, plus --

I've benefitted sometimes by writing out my frustrations, arguments, rants, whatever. The act of writing them down helps put it in perspective, and the very time it takes to write helps, too. Then read what you've written several times. Then, and this is the most important part, crumple it up, throw it away, burn it. Let it go.

Or, if you really want to embarrass yourself, put it away some place where you'll find it a few years from now (for me, that's one of the piles on my desk) and when you read it again, you'll wonder what the hell you were thinking of.

Yeah...Keeping a high blood alcohol count and smoking a lot of pot helps too!

I am a bipartite mess: I often see things from both or more sides, even while I hold one opinion strongly, and also often quickly discern that delving into many issues, past a relatively quick giving of my opinion, is near useless since people have their own present way of thinking and that is their perogative, though I'll speak up further if it's, say, my territory and is important to me. I don't need people to become me. Other than that, I can be ms. snappish in a throwaway line sort of way, usually when my courtesy monitors are off taking a rest, and can also let off way too much steam with my commentary, though that's not my main mode, what with my ongoing flare-gard. Even I can see, sitting back here watching myself, that reasoned comments expressing opinion back and forth sans emotive component are a good middle ground to inhabit. I'm working on that.

But then, we are emotional beings as well as having other aspects to our personalities, and I'm not suggesting I/we not feel emotions. So, when I work all this out, I'll letya know.

I do find a2k useful, for myself and many others, to develop communication skills.

MP--

I've been struggling with an unfortunate predilection to One Right Way for years and years.

Following Calamity Jane's suggestion, I Googled "wu wei" and found a number of what I'd term "windy" attempts to describe a state of mind that really isn't verbal.

Come to think of it, "Verbal" is probably part of our problem.

These aphorisms might help--if you're in the right mood for aphorisms:

http://www.weiwuwei.8k.com/bits.html

A more Western approach is to decide exactly where your elbow starts and your beloved's nose begins.

I've never been particularly worried about how a companion's behavior will reflect on me. Even when one of my kids misbehaved, their transgression was not Making Me Look Like a Fool.

I'm getting less bitchy as I accept that many of Mr. Noddy's little ways really do not Distort the Fabric of the Universe or Smash Grecian Urns.

I will never agree that and orange shirt and grey sweatpants are a great color combination for wearing in public--but if he wants to wear an orange shirt with gray sweatpants (and blue socks and a brown baseball hat) he's doing no damage.

Mr. Noddy is diabetic. He's convinced that ice cream is a good cure for insulin shock. Ice cream is high in fat--which is digested slowly. I've told him. His doctors have told him. Mr. Noddy gets shocky and goes for the ice cream. I've learned not to argue--just to pass him the gummy bears as well. Damage is averted.

Mr. Noddy's memory is fraying--but that doesn't stop him from telling beloved stories that are out and out fabrications. This habit of re-writing history for his own greater glory had me tearing my hair out. I really wish he wouldn't tell whoppers, but if the Little Green People in the UFO's are judging the moral level of the human race, Mr. Noddy's whoppers are not likely to weigh heavily in determining the fate of humanity.

Accept that your Beloved's aberations are his business and resolve to keep your elbow out of his eye--both the left eye and the right eye.

If you're stuck with cleaning up after your Beloved's little misjudgements, you get to speak up. Otherwise, close your eyes and think of England.

All my molehills are starting to look insurmountable lately.

I need an attitude adjustment.
Or a hormone adjustment.

I can only read along, hopefully picking up a few knowledge nuggets, and offer my sympathys. I know what you're saying!