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Has she changed?

 
 
Reply Fri 2 Nov, 2007 07:45 am
I know a girl and I can she is my very good friend. We study in the same college. I had a crush on her since I first saw her. But didn't had the courage to say that to her. Things went on... But since 6-7 months I have come more closer to her. I share everything with her and she also do. We have became kind of best friends. I even told her that I like her and asked her out. But she can't expect me as a boyfriend. I was heart broken after that but still she was the one who kept things good between us. She knows about all my feelings for her. And that's why she is my best friend.

Although, sometimes I find her behavior quite weird. When she's with her friends, she doesn't talk to me. She completely ignores me. That makes me sad. I asked her why she do that and she always says that thats the kind of girl she is. Then, she starts giving me examples of her old friends with whom she do the same. Quite weird!! I do mind it sometime but somehow she makes up for that.

Since a week or so ago, I found her in bad mood and asked her the reason. I know that it might be because of her boyfriend, who doesn't live in the town. She didn't tell me anything. She didn't even talked to me properly. The very next day we have to meet somewhere for some important project. Again, she was sad. She didn't even talked to me. I was trying to talk to her but she was almost ignoring me. That night I called her and talked to her about what's going wrong with her. I made some harsh words on her relationship. She told me everything about the problem.

The next morning we met at college, I was sitting next to her and tried to talk to her. But she said that she has some work to do and started doing it. Then some of her friends came over there. She then stopped her work and started talking, laughing with them. That disappointed me. But she didn't even looked at me.

For the next 3 days we didn't talk. The 4th day I got a call from her and she was normal. I didn't ask her why she didn't talk to me all those days. The next day when I met her in college, the same thing happened. She ignored me while with other guys of my class she was quite comfortable. At night again she called me and we talked like for an hour. I still didn't ask her the reason for her behavior though it bothers me a lot.

Today, she again didn't talk to me and ignored me. I am totally confused about her. She is normal on the phone but ignores me when I am in front of her. She talks with everyone except me. That hurts me a lot.

Has she changed or what? What's going on with her? Does she want to end the friendship? I am confused. Crying or Very sad
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Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 1,771 • Replies: 30
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Mame
 
  1  
Reply Fri 2 Nov, 2007 10:47 am
Sounds like she's uncomfortable with you liking her more than a friend and is doing the push you-pull you thing. You know, pulling you towards her when she's feeling comfortable, pushing you away when she isn't.

Maybe you just need some space from her? Perhaps if you hung around with some other people for a while you could get some perspective on this.
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Dtoxikated
 
  1  
Reply Fri 2 Nov, 2007 12:19 pm
Do you think that I also start ignoring her? Or should I talk about this with her?
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aeroz
 
  1  
Reply Fri 2 Nov, 2007 12:53 pm
She thinks badly of you. She doesn't want anyone to know that you like her; she doesn't want to be seen with you. You are an embarrassment to her.

You should ignore her and not be friends with her anymore. Go your separate way; make other friends.

You will never have a chance with her.
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Noddy24
 
  1  
Reply Fri 2 Nov, 2007 02:03 pm
Dtox--

Welcome to A2K.

This woman does not want you for a lover and she is not treating you like a valued friend.

You're useful to have around--sometimes. Your feelings aren't particularly important--and her feelings are very, terribly, absolutely, positively important.

Do you enjoy the way she's treating you? She's not going to change.
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safinaz
 
  1  
Reply Fri 2 Nov, 2007 05:49 pm
she didn't accept you as a lover even when u were very close to each other, so she doesn't seem to change ever.. anyway there is a very little hope to c if she may have some hiden feeling, and that's if u go to someone esle.. she'll kinda lost u and she'll recognize your importance in her life.. maybe !
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Mame
 
  1  
Reply Fri 2 Nov, 2007 06:14 pm
Dtoxikated wrote:
Do you think that I also start ignoring her? Or should I talk about this with her?



Playing games almost never works. What do you want to do? Do you want to talk to her?

I think some distance is in order, either physically or mentally/emotionally (or both, of course). Find someone really nice and interesting to hang out with and try not to think about her. Fill up your time so you think of her less and less.

I agree with Noddy that she's primarily self-centered. Those people are the ones to stay away from because they're the only ones who win.
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Dtoxikated
 
  1  
Reply Fri 2 Nov, 2007 09:26 pm
But why she always said that I am her best friend? She was the one who kept things good when I proposed her. She said that this thing will never effect our relationship. Now why has she changed?
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Mame
 
  1  
Reply Fri 2 Nov, 2007 09:37 pm
She's immature. Let her go and move on.
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aeroz
 
  1  
Reply Sat 3 Nov, 2007 12:30 am
She is one of those women who doesn't know what she wants. She is using you. Move on. Do not talk to her anymore.
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Noddy24
 
  1  
Reply Sat 3 Nov, 2007 11:55 am
Dtox--

Quote:
But why she always said that I am her best friend? She was the one who kept things good when I proposed her. She said that this thing will never effect our relationship. Now why has she changed?


She has not changed. You are seeing more clearly. Unfortunately, you're resisting the implications of what you're seeing.

You want to adore a goddess, but the mortal woman you're dealing with is a self-centered bitch.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sat 3 Nov, 2007 12:06 pm
dtoxxicated - what other friends do you have where you are going to school.

It seems that while she was willing to be your friend, you wanted more and then did not her response. She has other friends that you seem to be on the fringes of. Why are you hanging around her so much? It may simply be the way you've written things, but I'd have been quite annoyed by someone like you when I was at university.

Work on having your own circle of friends - she can be one of those friends.
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ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sat 3 Nov, 2007 12:08 pm
Are you both of the same background, culturally?

As I re-read your initial post, it seems that there is some misreading of socil messages between the two of you.
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ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sat 3 Nov, 2007 12:14 pm
Dtoxikated wrote:
She was the one who kept things good when I proposed her. She said that this thing will never effect our relationship. Now why has she changed?


what do you mean 'i proposed her'?

when she let you know that you would not have a romantic relationship, did you take steps to meet other girls - move on with your romantic interest? if not, I understand why she'd be cooling toward you.

~~~

I don't read her as unkindly as some of the other posters. If someone likes someone of the other sex as a friend, and the other person reveals a romantic interest, it is sometimes difficult to remember not to be as warm as usual toward that person - leading to the hot/cool/warm/cold effect. You've got to do your part in finding a girlfriend, and spending time with other friends. You may be able to keep your friendship. Do NOT expect her to change her mind and become interested in you. Give her time and space - don't crowd her. Of course, that's if you can accept friendship ONLY as the outcome.
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Dtoxikated
 
  1  
Reply Sat 3 Nov, 2007 12:19 pm
Yeah, we are kinda of the same background.

But I didn't get what you are talking about? Please explain what you want to say!!
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ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sat 3 Nov, 2007 12:20 pm
Do you have other friends you spend time with? not her friends, your own.


Are you dating another girl?
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sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Sat 3 Nov, 2007 12:25 pm
I agree with ehBeth's take on things. I think she likes you well enough -- not a lot. She's willing to be friendly, when there isn't something else more pressing/ important/ interesting. She doesn't DISlike you enough to tell you to get lost, she's just plain not that interested in you.

Definitely not something that's worth pursuing, from what you've said.
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Dtoxikated
 
  1  
Reply Sat 3 Nov, 2007 12:33 pm
Yeah, I do have other friends and now-a-days I hang out with them only. But since she is in my class only, I got to see her everyday and that's where the problem is. I can't pretend to ignore her.

I am not dating anyone at the moment.
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sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Sat 3 Nov, 2007 12:42 pm
Why do you need to pretend to ignore her? Can you just ignore her (or react minimally, a nod and smile without trying to start a conversation), and then if she confronts you about it, say something like, "Sorry, it seems like since I told you I had feelings for you our friendship has been awkward. I'd rather just take things down a notch than keep trying to figure out where I fit in."

Not as a tactic, mind you -- not to play hard to get or anything. If you ignore her in class, she might well just feel relief rather than confronting you about it, and that could be the end of that.
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Dtoxikated
 
  1  
Reply Sat 3 Nov, 2007 12:49 pm
Like I said in the initial post, we have been ignoring each other in the class. But she calls me almost everyday at night and talks to me about her day and all. She sounds quite normal then. We talk for almost an hour on phone everyday. But why can't she be the same in college?
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