Telling My Family I am an Atheist?

I suggest silence, if at all possible. Why cause the discomfiture if it can be avoided. Maybe fend off religion, without making an issue. Eventually, they will suspect, and grudgingly allow your space without making a fight of it.

I might or might not answer differently if I knew your approximate age and situation, quincy.

Being straightforward is most honest and simplest, in that people will drop like flies and then you know who your friends are... but, depending on your community and circumstances, that could be devastating to you.

well, they sound charming. my advice is make as many atheist friends as you can find, and mind your relationship with your family as much as you can. you might also ask any atheist friends (and your father?) for their advice. it's ridiculous that anyone's family relationships should be an issue of whether you believe in such a thing or not, but i know it happens.

Acquit yourself with gay acquaintance and church will acquire you're not required in choir.

Maybe, and this is even more of a twisted way then anything else and not too ideal.. BUT..

could you possibly say that you are attending a diffrent church... that way you dont have to go with them to their church?
Since you would have a reason for your absence, maybe no one would question you?


yeah , i Know..cover a lie with a lie.. it aint good.. but it is an idea.

At 44, I'm kinda in the same boat. I began to rethink things a couple of years ago and have not told my family. It hasn't come up. But, I don't live with them, or even close enough to them for them to know if I'm going to church.

Since you have a good relationship with your Mom, why don't you talk to her about it? Maybe start off with "I've been thinking and I find myself leaning more towards believing that there probably isn't a God. I know faith is important to you and I don't want to worry or disappoint you, but there are things that are leading me to believe..."

You know, a sensible, level headed discussion that shows you have thought about it and love her and don't want her to be disappointed but that this is where you are at this time - not because you are a heathen, but because you are a thinker.

BTW, Mom's that have good relationships with their kids don't just stop loving them. Disappointment is normal for parents. We Mom's tend to build expectations for our kids that the kids don't always agree with. It's up to Mom to adjust to the fact that you are a separate being that she can guide but not control. We don't always adjust with grace, but we do adjust. Love wins out. I imagine it will be so for you and your Mom, too.

Do you live at home with your parents? Can you talk to your father about your views?



If telling them that you do not believe as they do would "ruin" a relationship, IMO, you did not have a good one to start with.

The term, "atheist" has some very negative connotations with the devoutly religious, and would raise a lot of red flags. I would not use it with your family. I would make references about you "discovering your own way" in the world, or something like that.

If you hate going to church, don't go. You might want to tell your family that you need a "break" to think things through.

It is very difficult for the person who is different in a closed social milieu. For many religious, it is a matter of faith without logic. Any tampering with irrational beliefs are a threat. It is important that you need to balance sensitivity of their feelings with your right to lead your own life as you believe.

I don't know your family or the extent of their fervor. It is possible that the idea that you do not believe as they do may well cause a rift. IMO it is the chance that you need to take to become your own person.

Re: Telling My Family I am an Atheist?


Why do you need to tell them anything? If you hate going to church then just don't go.

Thanks everyone for your responses.
If it makes any difference, I am 18, and my parents are seperated, never married. I live with my father and sister, and my father is Jewish, but not quite too devoutly. I am sure he couldn't care less if I was atheist or christian. It is likely I will not leave home until I have atleast graduated (I will be 20).

I really do not think silence is an option- this is what I have been doing for the past few years. My family is seriously religious: we have to pray together at night, before turning in; they drag me off the church, and this "home-cell" thingy (extra church time); my sister wants me to join youth league at the church; one of my best friends is also strong in his christian faith. I mean, their life revolves around christianity.
I really doubt they will freely allow me to do what I want. They will try getting my to repent for back-sliding! They'd probably call the pastor to counsel me for losing my faith, and senior members of the church will be hounding me too.

For the same reasons, being frank could also turn out to be not so desirable. I am quite sure admitting I am atheist, or phrasing it otherwise, will really change my relationships. I dont think it would change too many of my friendships, as weird as that sounds, because all my christian friends have plenty of non-christian friends. But it could be different because I went from being a christian to not.

Saying I am going to another church could get me into quite a pickle! They'd want to know what I am learning at the church, how I am growing there, who the pastor is, how and what does he preach, do I have any friends there, and most importantly, they'd want to visit this church to suss it out!

I remember one day a few years ago, I told my mother I wanted to study either physics or mathematics at university, and she got quite angry at the idea that I wanted to study physics, because she believed it was the work of the devil. I am not quite sure how a reasoned and objective look at it all will sit with my family. When I did apply about a year ago, I applied to study maths as my first choice and evolutionary biology as my second, the latter caused quite a stir.

I could wait until I have left home, move far away (not likely), and I'll be sorted, but I can't wait the three years and probably longer. I that presents difficulties of its own.

I have been meaning to tell my family for some time now, but I just haven't plucked up the courage to do anything yet. I will perhaps try this weekend to break the news to my mother. God help me.

Quincy--

Can you say "agnostic" instead of "atheist"?

I suggest before you make any Announcements you prepare a plan of action. Then when you break the news that your religious belief is wavering and your fervent family rushes to the rescue, you can say you're planning to spend next Sunday here and the Sunday after there and Friday at Jewish services....

You are not Leaving the Church to Go To Hell. You are examining your faith.

i don't think someone should have to claim agnosticism (even if i prefer it myself) to atheism just to appease a needling parent.

however, your other thought was interesting, about going to jewish services. it's a pretty smooth transition from christianity to going to jewish services to atheist. skip the actual conversion, it would be disrespectful and (if you're male, but really even if you're not) no fun at all. except for that whole hell thing, but what's persian mythology got to do with it? the jewish hell is a perfectly reasonable place to spend eternity (or whatever,) and not even as bad as growing up with one's mother.

My immediate concern is if your family is paying for your schooling, and if their disappointment would endanger that.

I'm still confused on who you live with - your father, and you still have all these rituals and services?

Sounds like a good plan Noddy24. It will still probably not sit with them so well, but it is probably better than flat out saying I am atheist (I agree with tinygiraffe; although it is a bit hypocritical to say you wont lie about that, and lie about thinking about chenging religion when you're actually atheist). Actually, it will still be a big problem for my family if I claim to be Jewish, even for a week.

I live with my father and sister, ossobuco- it's complicated. I only live with my fahter, because he lives near the university I am at, and my sister goes to the same university. But before I was at university, I lived for 7/8 years with my mother. My parents were never married, so me and my sister are bastard, and they split up in '97 (which is another complicated business), and my mother got custody of both of us. I still see my mother over the long June and December holidays, and ofcourse we talk every week on (over?) the phone. And I live with my mother's lapdog, ie. my sister, so yes I still follow the routine.

I don't think I am going to do anything this weekend, as I have far, far too much work for that kind of stress

I'm in the same boat. But I'm 22, lived away from parents for about a year, then moved in with my bf, whom is my soulmate and we intend to marry.

I came from a fundamentalist Christian family; mom, dad, sisters. I am now agnostic. But I haven't told them. I am afraid they will not speak to me anymore, even disown me as their daughter. They certainly will not be supportive of me anymore, and will not wish to understand my decision.

They will just reject it as wrong, and I will be in their eyes a daughter of Satan now and on my way to hell. They are ridiculous. I still harbor anger and bitterness against them for raising me as a fundie. They should have known better.

How do I break it to them? I need to introduce my bf but first I need to tell them.

america, pick one!
1. fundamentalism
2. family values

Welcome to A2K, aeroz!

Why do you say that they should have known better for having raised you as a fundie?

Because they believe ridiculous things due to their faith, and they should know better. For example, they think the earth is 6,000 years old, and that Jesus is coming back during the rapture to take them all to heaven. They also believe the Bible is infallible. And they have many more "solid" beliefs where those came from, which are 100% incorrect and they as intelligent adults should know better. Its like an adult who believes in the tooth fairy.

NOW DO YOU SEE WHY THE WORLD IS AS IT IS?

95% BELIEVE IN FAIRY TALES, AND NOT ONLY THAT, THEY BASE THEIR LIVES AND VALUES OFF OF THOSE TALES.


SCARY AND SAD AT THE SAME TIME.

Aeroz--

Your parents raised you according to their own beliefs, but they also gave you both genetically and environmentally the perspective to disagree with them.

They did their best.

Anger comes from fear. They haven't rejected you yet--but if you approach them with concentrated hostility, they may react unthinkingly.

Why do you have to announce your agnostic beliefs before they meet your boyfriend?

Incidently, I'm wryly amused at an agnostic having a soul mate. I'm an agnostic--and and English major--myself and interested in the relationships between language and reality.