Surgery--Again

I copied this picture by van Gogh

http://static.howstuffworks.com/gif/vincent-van-gogh-paintings-from-arles-13.jpg

This picture is currently hanging over my sofa.

http://img.allposters.com/6/LRG/22/2254/17JZD00Z.jpg

The van gogh? Maybe down by the window.

3 Replies

@Roberta,

That's a great picture for over your sofa!!!

Quote:

Just some of the things that horses symbolize are...
Power
Grace
Beauty
Nobility
Strength
Freedom

1 Reply

@Roberta,

that's a lot better'n my sofa picture.

it's a silly old car poster, but it's green, and matches the decor...

like dem boats.

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@dlowan,

dlowan wrote:

That's a great picture for over your sofa!!!

Quote:
Just some of the things that horses symbolize are...
Power
Grace
Beauty
Nobility
Strength
Freedom

Love dem horses. Wanted one when I was little. Did a lot of riding, but never had a horse--until I had these. Wild ones. Deb, you still riding?

RH, You gotta match the decor. Nothing in my living room matches. NOTHING. There used to be matchy stuff. But it's gone or covered. Now I just got stuff. With a few leftovers of days when I could afford nice and matchy stuff. The picture of the horses (and a few other things on the walls) is one of the holdovers. Also my coffee table, which matches nothing, but which is very nice.

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The boat painting is one of my favorites by Van Gogh.

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@littlek,

littlek wrote:

The boat painting is one of my favorites by Van Gogh.

Really. Nice to know. I did a pretty decent job of it. It's recognizable as the painting in question. It's one of the few things I did in that class that I'm proud of.

Smile

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My entire apartment is clean. There are still piles of papers and a mountain of clothes to sort through, but everything is clean. Good feeling.

So maybe I lost a bit of sanity along the way. Didn't start out all that sane. I was talking to the vacuum cleaner earlier. Not like it was an inanimate object, but like it was a pet. I shoulda given it some kinda treat. What's a treat for a vacuum cleaner? Sauted dust bunny?

Been so busy cleaning and fixing and polishing, that I lost track of a major kvetch area--and worry area. Money. Noivous wreck over this. Still investigating disability. I make too much money. Just not enough to live on. Gonna talk to a lawyer about it--and maybe a financial counselor. But for now, I'm scared. And pissed off. Just exactly how disabled do you have to be to get disability. If I used to make a certain amount, and I'm no longer able to because of illness, isn't that disability?

What am I missing here? You have to be poor as dirt and disabled? If I knew about the poor as dirt thing, maybe I wouldn't have cleaned. Worrying about rent, bills--again and still. Suckacious.

It was inevitable. It was like the tides. It was destiny. Another kvetch.

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@Roberta,

But you are now kvetching in a clean space where you can see some nice things.

Won't fix the worry...but it feeds your spirit.

Can you make a special worry time for your finances? Like for half an hour after you wake up or something?

You'd HAVE to worry at that time, no matter what, but could you remind worries that come at other times that there is a scheduled time for them?

Actions that you decide to take, like consulting a lawyer, happen at any time...but the worry has a special time.

Or, if that is too little worry time for you, could you do perhaps 10 minutes an hour of worrying at first?

1 Reply

@dlowan,

That made me smile dlowan...I hope you can keep your worries down Roberta.

((Roberta)) Thoughts are there with you...I think going to a lawyer is a good idea. I hope you see light to a clear path soon...worrying truly sucks.

I don't like it...don't want it for you Roberta.

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@Roberta,

Quote:

My entire apartment is clean.

Excellent! Well done, Roberta! (I wish I could say the same!)
It must feel great to wake up in this pristine environment each morning! Enjoy.

Quote:

So maybe I lost a bit of sanity along the way. Didn't start out all that sane. I was talking to the vacuum cleaner earlier. Not like it was an inanimate object, but like it was a pet. I shoulda given it some kinda treat. What's a treat for a vacuum cleaner? Sauted dust bunny?

A new filter? (But maybe yours doesn't need one?) Or a bit of a loving polish? Wink

Quote:

Worrying about rent, bills--again and still. Suckacious.

It is. I really wish I could help, Roberta, but I'm in no position to. (I know you don't expect me to, but I really do wish I could! Sad

)

Quote:

It was inevitable. It was like the tides. It was destiny. Another kvetch.

You're absolutely allowed to kvetch!
And you kvetched so poetically. Smile

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Drew a picture of a vacuum cleaner with a dog head coming out of the hose. Other stuff in the picture too. A dresser with a mirror over it and me in the mirror. Another goofy picture by my subconscious.

1 Reply

Just back from the hospital. Saw the psychiatrist--not the therapist, not the art therapist. The guy with the prescriptions.

Told him about what's been going on and how I've been feeling. He thinks that a convergence of circumstances have enabled me to feel this good. He's not sure it will last. And he's just a tad concerned that I'm manic.

Manic? Shocked

Moi? Just because I decided at 4:30 in the morning to wash every piece of crystal in the breakfront and rearrange all three shelves? Just because I decided to polish every piece of brass or brasslike thing in the house? Just because I decided at 6:30 this morning that all my knee-highs and socks had to be paired and balled up in pairs. Just because I decided to reorganize my earrings at 7:30 this morning?

Yes, I saw the doctor this morning. When did I sleep? I didn't. Not yet anyway. Just a little insomnia.

BTW, I forgot how many pins I have. Lovely they are, too.

Da crash is coming. It's as inevitable as my kvetching. Enjoying things while I can.

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That's the spirit! While you're at it, get your Christmas shopping done.
Yes, I'm being perfectly serious.

After several rounds of hyper-then-hypo-then-hyperthyroidism while they got the meds adjusted, I learned to take advantage of the hypers.

(You can thank me later.)

1 Reply

@Eva,

Eva wrote:

That's the spirit! While you're at it, get your Christmas shopping done.
Yes, I'm being perfectly serious.

After several rounds of hyper-then-hypo-then-hyperthyroidism while they got the meds adjusted, I learned to take advantage of the hypers.

(You can thank me later.)

Later? Why wait? One of the convergences the doc referred to is my new meds for hypothyroidism.

He told me to be on the lookout for my becoming obsessive. I told him that a bit obsessive is normal for me. When I was sick and depressed, I wasn't obsessive.

Reminds me of an old song:

Boom boom ain't it great to be crazy
Boom boom ain't it great to nuts.

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@Roberta,

Roberta wrote:

I copied this picture by van Gogh

This picture is currently hanging over my sofa.

The van gogh? Maybe down by the window.

I earnestly envy your artistic ability Roberta. I don't have the fine motor skills required to draw, sketch, and paint.

Though I'm not a beach and island person, I love the peaceful nature of the boat scene. The quiet movement of the clear sky and the calm water is quite alluring.

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@Roberta,

Roberta wrote:

Drew a picture of a vacuum cleaner with a dog head coming out of the hose. Other stuff in the picture too. A dresser with a mirror over it and me in the mirror. Another goofy picture by my subconscious.

I love to see that surreal work of seeming anxiety and domesticity. Or am I reading too much into your picture's meaning?

1 Reply

Meds for hypothyroidism? On top of steroids?! No wonder you're hyper!

As someone who has a history of depression, I sort of enjoyed the hyper phases. I certainly got a lot done! Ironing in the middle of the night...alphabetizing the spice cabinet...that Christmas I got all the shopping, wrapping, decorating (inside and out), cooking, card writing, and mailing finished by December 15. Unheard of! I began to notice that Hubby did everything ve-e-e-e-ry slo-o-o-o-o-w-ly, and it was extremely irritating. In his version of the story, however, it was me that was irritating. He didn't particularly appreciate me finishing all his sentences before he could get them out. I'd say, "Wellthen,comeON!Outwithit!Whatareyouwaitingfor?!"

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@tsarstepan,

tsar, I am honestly not at all gifted in the art drawing painting department. Oil painting can be very forgiving. I do remember enjoying painting the sky and the water. The sand was a challenge.

I don't think it's possible to read too much into the work done in art therapy. (I spent 45 minutes talking about the stove.) But your interpretation isn't mine. No anxiety in the drawing. What does it say to me? I want a pet. I miss having a pet. I talked to the vacuum cleaner because it was following me around on the floor like a pet. As for me in the mirror, I have to ponder that, but the dresser and mirror are part of bedroom furniture I really, really like. Haven't seen it for a while. It's been dark in the bedroom, and the furniture has been covered with stuff and dust. Now it's visible.

This therapy is filled with self-revelation and awareness. Things happen that I don't know are going to happen. What do they mean--to me?

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@Eva,

Yup, Eva. A convergence. Steroids, hypothyroid meds, no more medical procedures, antidepressant, etc. = one very energetic kvetch.

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@Roberta,

Wow, nothing like an energetic kvetch! Glad I checked in here (just a few minutes on the library computer). Aside from finances, good to hear you sounding so upbeat. A quick suggestion re the philodendron. Just put the word out among any older friends. I have one that originally belonged to my grandmother. I'm not sure it's an especially fashionable plant just now but they are almost impossible to kill (which is why I wanted one) and anyone who's had one probably still does and could certainly spare you a cutting. (Home in a week or so -- will check in again.) Seriously, ask everyone you meet if they have a philodendron!

1 Reply

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