My son hates his teacher

Possible approaches:

"He's a bit of a perfectionist and not happy in new situations."

"He's been doing a lot of grumbling since school started--and this isn't usual."

"He seems a bit bored with the necessary reviewing at the start of the new school year."

"Do you find this sort of behavior typical of third graders?"

If the teacher says, "He seems fine to me," she might be telling the truth. Remember, she has a whole classroom of new personalities to absorb. Some of these personalities may be time-consuming problems as opposed to Ducky who sits quietly and radiates well-behaved resentment.

Your conference on Monday isn't necessarily going to "cure" everything by Tuesday morning. The teacher will know that you're worried; that you care enough about your kid to come in for a conversation; and that you're counting on her to be on Ducky's side.

You'll get a bit of a feel for the teacher and where she's coming from.

Ducky knows you care enough to investigate the situation.

Good will. Good will. Good will.

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There are good teachers, and there are not so good teachers, and it is
sometimes difficult to get through an entire school year with an incompetent teacher. Luckily, we had to deal with it only once so far.
I always keep in close contact with other parents (via email) and many
parents felt uneasy with this particular teacher from second grade.

My main concern is my child, the teacher comes second and when my child came home crying on numerous occasion, I sent a rather firm email to the teacher. When we met for a conference I told her of all the points my daughter was unhappy with, and asked her for clarification. She explained to me that my daughter is overly dramatic and things aren't the way my child portrays it. I agreed with her, however, I stressed the fact that we were two adults discussing the feelings of a child (she was 7 then) and what seemed perfectly rational to us, might not for a seven year old. I also told the teacher, that the well being of my child is more important to me than re-enforcing her (teacher) methods of discipline.

In the end we did work out a plan that appeased the teacher and allowed
my daughter to be herself again, but I was so glad when this particular school year was over.

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Great suggestions, Noddy. I'm going to borrow those.

CJane, so maybe this is a normal thing for 2nd grade. Maybe this is a big adjustment year. It could just be that the two of them aren't ever going to get along very well due to personality conflicts, and that's where the "going along to get along" lesson comes in. (Who mentioned that?)

I've been thinking lately that I need to do some reading on this age as he's been throwing me a lot of curve balls lately and I feel unprepared and unsure of how much of his behavior is normal and how much is something I can do something about.

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looks like things are right on target

Quote:

SOCIAL DEVELOPMENT: Seven to Eight Years

Normal Characteristics

Will avoid and withdraw from adults; has strong emotional responses to teacher; may complain that teacher is unfair or mean.

Likes more responsibility and independence. Is often concerned about doing well.

Participates in loosely organized group play.

Concerned with self and others' reactions. May fear being late; may have trouble on the playground; "kids are cheating" or "teacher picks on me" often said.

May use aggression as a means to solve problems.

Starts division of sexes (girls play with girls/boys with boys).

link/foster parents training guide

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That is hilarious! Thanks for finding that, ehBeth.

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To clarify, it's the accuracy that I find hilarious, not the actual behavior.

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I thought it was interesting - I scrolled up and down the ages - and marvelled at how I could 'recognize' some of my neighbours' kids and their stages.

All blinkin' normal - if occasionally puzzling to grown-ups.

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Definitely puzzling to adults, but just knowing that it's normal helps a ton. I had felt like he was approaching some developmental stage but couldn't tell exactly. It helps so much to have it all listed there, as well as hints about how to handle it.

The poor teacher -- a whole room full of 7 to 8 year olds! I have more sympathy for her already.

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Good find, ehBeth!

I wrote here about what a revelation it was when sozlet's preschool teachers clued me in about normal 6-year-old behavior, and suddenly every weird (very weird!) thing that her friends were doing made sense. (They were all about 5 1/2 and relatively developmentally advanced when it started.)

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FreeDuck wrote:

.. so maybe this is a normal thing for 2nd grade.

Not only is it a normal thing for kids in the second grade but from my experience it's also a normal thing with second grade teachers. I LOVED school (except 2nd grade). My older, more sensitive daughter had a very difficult year in second grade. Part of it was her own personality and temperament, the other part was the teacher. My younger, more exuberant, deep-thinking, makes-you-back-up-whatever-you-state-with facts daughter had a tempestuous 2nd grade year. It was the only year where the parent-teacher conference focused on what the teacher didn't appreciate about my daughter.

I've had this discussion many times with other parents. What is it about second grade and second grade teachers that make this a difficult year? It's probably a combination of 7-8 year olds branching out and becoming individuals coupled with a curriculum that reinforces the skills learned in first grade. Kids who got it the first time around don't need the reinforcement and are bored by another year of the same old things coupled with (in my experience at least) teachers who are teaching second grade because they are not up to the challenge of teaching new materials.

The average age of our first and third grade teachers is 27-28. The average of our second grade teachers is 58. I have no idea how long Duckie's 2nd grade teacher has been teaching, but 2nd grade teachers in our school district don't expend much energy challenging the kids to grow.

My experience may have nothing to do with what you are observing but if Duckie is bored in second grade, he's far from alone. Also, this may be the first of many opportunities to learn that we don't connect with or relate well to everyone -- and it's a two way street. Some school years simply need to be survived, others are opportunities to thrive. The same will hold true with bosses, relationships, and many other aspects of life.

Advocating on behalf of Duckie is your job as a parent. If you find yourself beating your head against a brick wall then keep the old adage in mind... this too shall pass.

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That's interesting JPB. It seems to be true then, especially the average age of a second grade teacher - ours was around 55 years old, menopausal with terrible mood swings Confused

In our case, other parents felt the same way about this particular teacher,
so I knew it wasn't my daughter alone who was miserable.

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<trying>

I love how they've figured out all this about ages and behaviors, it seems such a help.

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<trying to remember my second grade teacher. Same one as first grade, Sr. Marcelline Marie. I think I liked her, but remember it as sort of a coasting year. Third grade was a whole new school, across the country, and I loved the teacher, Sr. Adele Mary...>

I love how they've figured out all this about ages and behaviors, it seems such a help.

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sorry for the glitz

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I had a young fresh out of school 2nd grade teacher...mid twenties I suppose, and I thought very highly of her, but the positive aspects pretty much end there. I did everything I could think of to avoid going to school that year...I missed more days than I care to admit....but I'll put it this way, under current laws, both my mother and I would have been in severe legal trouble....anyway, second grade sucked!

After my grade advanced to the third...we were the crest of the 1970ish baby boom {locally of course}....my teacher was let go, as she was no longer needed with the smaller class coming up behind us, I believe that was the only year she spent in our system. I often think of her...Ms. P...for various reasons, most often is when I see someone "green" attempting to perform their duties, and when confronted with an obstacle, they pause, take a breath, draw a determined smile from somewhere deep within, and then continue on renewed. That was Ms. P, and her class that year was full of obstacles....bunch of idiots...did I already mention second grade sucked.

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I had the same teacher for first through third grade (the class was made up of 1/3 first graders, 1/3 second graders, 1/3 third graders). I've always liked that system and this seems to be another argument for it. We met her as sweet trusting first graders, and already had her classified as "good teacher" by the time we came back as second graders. Laughing

Anyway, I thought she was wonderful all the way through.

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Quote:

The poor teacher -- a whole room full of 7 to 8 year olds! I have more sympathy for her already.

Every single kid thinks the teacher is mean-mean-mean and most of their parents are sure the kids are justified.

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ossobuco wrote:

<trying>

I love how they've figured out all this about ages and behaviors, it seems such a help.

No kidding! I don't know what I'd do if someone else hadn't already figured all of this out.

Lots of good stuff coming out on this thread. It's so reassuring to read other people's experiences. I really like that idea of mixed grades keeping the same teacher, soz, and wish they did it that way. I personally remember my second grade teacher as very strict. She was by far the most structured teacher I had ever had. However, having a somewhat unstructured home life, it actually made me feel more secure.

This teacher doesn't fit the menopausal profile, but she is expecting a baby and will be taking a leave of absence in the next couple of months. Last year, when Duckie's first grade teacher was expecting, we looked at this with dread. This year, we're looking forward to it simply because it gives him an opportunity for something different. I don't know how long she's been teaching or how much of that was second grade, but maybe I'll find out.

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Noddy24 wrote:

Some of these personalities may be time-consuming problems as opposed to Ducky who sits quietly and radiates well-behaved resentment.

I meant to respond to this one. I laughed out loud when I read this because it is on the nose. That is exactly what he does in such situations.

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CalamityJane wrote:

... ours was around 55 years old, menopausal with terrible mood swings :?quote]

Please keep in mind that all parents are not always perfect, either. I've experienced a few (of different ages) who were ... how shall I put it? .... not exactly rational & prone to terrible mood swings. :wink: I doubt it was hormones (or depletion of) that caused the problems, either. And, of course, teachers are human, too. And come in all shapes & sizes with different temperaments. They (just like parents) have good days & bad days, depending on what is happening in their lives, in their classrooms & school communities. None of us is perfect.

Personally, I favour the idea of a partnership between the home & the classroom. I like the idea of parents & teachers feeling free to openly discuss their concerns (& achievements! ) of the students under discussion. Or as openly as is possible. Freeduck, in your shoes I would be fairly straight forward. Like: "I'm really concerned about my son. He's always been a good kid & really enthusiastic about his time at school. Now, for some reason, he's unhappy with school & comes home grumpy & complaining about being bored. Can you fill me in about how he's going? (Level of academic achievement, socialization, adjusting to a new school, etc., ....) It'd be good if we could both work together on this."
Most teachers would respond positively to you openly expressing your real concerns, I'd think. Keeping the emphasis on what's best for the child.

Good luck with the meeting!

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My son hates his teacher

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