one minute he loves the control and another minute he doesn't ... so since I'm not sure when that like or dislike wil kick in, I've stopped.
thanks for all the advice!!!!
nimh wrote:Coolwhip wrote:I bet if pink razor was a guy not getting his fair share, you'd all be saying it's his fault for not making her feel special and wanted.
True dat.
Yep. Gotta love them double standards.
dadpad wrote:sozobe wrote:In fact I wouldn't be surprised if this dependency, especially if it's new, has something to do with your current problems. Perhaps your husband feels guilty, or perhaps he's turned on by strong, independent women (and neediness makes him anxious).
Or perhaps he's just not into someone yammering in his ear all the time to do this, do that, yada yada.
Well, he must be an idiot then. That's the best part of a relationship! Why, just the other night some of my single buddies and I were at a bar waxing nostalgic about those bygone days when we had someone there to yammer into our ears and nag the living **** out of us day and night. It made us all so depressed that it almost ruined our enjoyment of the wet t-shirt contest.
sexual intimacy is a really fragile thing. if any kind of discomfort creeps in, it can quickly become difficult for people to do anything about it. part of it is that sex is such a taboo. where do you go for real advice? friends that know you, or strangers that won't find out because they don't know you?
from what i read in the first post, neither person knows what to do. this can lead both people into power trips to deal with the feeling of rejection, even if the rejection is mutual. power trips make intimacy even more impossible, which leads to further rejection.
no wonder it's so tricky to get out of. plus when it's time to communicate, you can't, because the only people you can discuss anything taboo with is strangers, not the person you're in the middle of a power struggle with.
it's not impossible of course, it's just all uphill. and sadly everyone here said "well, screw the whole thing then." it wasn't necessary to give up, just at the point when you were asking what to do.
at least, usually it isn't necessary to give up just then. on occasion, i suppose it is. hopefully this was one of those times. the one bit of advice i really liked was the one about a counselor, but just because there's a third person involved doesn't mean it's no longer uphill. the problem is the same, and sometimes you get a counselor no more interested in the marriage than the people replying in this thread. more's the pity?
I agree with u tinygiraffe, to give up is the very last solution, I don't understand why is it taboo to talk about sex btw husband and wife.. I think it is essencial in a relationship to know everyone's needs and desires to not look for some other things outside this relation.. try to give your hasband new tricks, new things that u've never done, dunno there existe always a solution.. talk freely.. don't ask why.. just talk and give him all what u think about your situation..
moreover, think of your love, if you really love each others, try to remember him of your first dates, of your first romance, just in a soft way for him to dunno to come back maybe !
communication is the best way to solve it.. just keep trying
