no sex

Are you still in love with each other? Are you working many long hours? Any children? Stress from another source? There are many reasons to not feel the urge for sex, it doesn't always mean the end of a relationship.

my husband works long hours, he leaves home at about 10 or 11am and is back anywhere between 9:30 and 10:30pm. My office is at home so i schedule my own hours.

I do love him but I do not feel that sexual attraction for him and clearly this is the same for him as well.

I'm really embarassed to say this but about 5 months ago he mentioned to me that 'we' need to start working out and that he was looking at me in a store and realized that I need to lose some weight. I feel like not losing any at all just for him being so cheeky to say that in the first place. He was 20 pounds heavier year before (not fat) but different to how he is now, and i never said anything like that to him.. I didnt even notice but his family who had not seen him in a while did.

Let's start with you: Are you not attracted to him because he has changed physically? or do you just have no sex drive in general.
Are you sexually attracted to other men or do you feel aroused when you see a sexy movie or read a sex scene in a novel? I'm trying to understand if you have lost your interest in him or if you just have no interest in sex- period.

Thanks for replying.

My husband only changed physically for the better. He's very fit, flat stomach and everything and that is something I am attracted to. But for some reason we never have sex. It started with him. We were visiting his parents for two weeks and I would always try to make love to him and he would not want me to, he would say that they would hear us... and I was only successful with it maybe twice. I was really upset and emotional and asked him what happened and why he didn't want to have sex with me and that was his excuse. Since then, it got no better. That was April and we're in September now... it's gotten worse.. we don't have sex at all.
He said it was because I came off the pill, so I went back on just to make sure it wouldn't cause long term issues, and since being back on in the past month still NOTHING.

I am very very turned on by sexy men... even ones with bodies like my husband. I often fantasize about making love to a man who just is completely into me. I get turned on by sex scenes and I love men. I wanted to feel this way just about my husband but I have been pushed away so much that I don't. The pill thing is really bothering me... it makes me feel like he lied to me.

I think you are going to have to get the answer from him. You might need to hire a relationship counselor to help you find the truth. He's giving you various excuses to justify his rejection, but excuses are rarely the real reason. Definitely stay on birth control, this would not be a time to get pregnant.

I also have to add that he might be having an affair. You say he works very late and he makes an effort to stay in shape, I don't get the impression he's doing it for you. I've also observed that when men are fooling around they like to make little digs at the wife (the weight comment)- it seems to help them justify their decision to cheat. Just a thought.

You could see if losing weight and doing a little makeover on yourself changes the situation, but I think if he was really in love with you a few pounds would not make such a big difference. It's still worth doing, if nothing else it will make you feel better about yourself.

we just moved two months ago for his new job, so if he's having an affair then he's really moving fast. we moved from overseas as well, so he'll have to be really really moving fast.

When i decide to do a little makeove on myself it's not going to be for him, cause I am actually not overweight at all, I have a few pounds more, but I still look great in what I wear. The only thing missing is a very flat stomach. I'll just also add that we dieted together and lost some weight together, not much.. 5 lbs each and that never helped anything.

I asked him the other day why he doesn't want to make love to me and he said that he is tired and bla bla bla.. and this is killing me because its excuse after excuse. I dont know how to get the truth out of him.

Just the other day we were talking about people cheating and he despised the idea. it could be just a front.
I dont even feel like I want to talk to him about it, I have tried so many times!!!!!!!!!!!

Could the two of you go away for a little weekend vacation? Maybe a nice local hotel with a spa. He might really be tired and a little extra rest for both of you might improve the mood. Rent a sexy movie (doesn't have to be porn) and order room service.

did that this past weekend.... ... still nothing. he's not interested in me at all.....

its hard to make yourself feel sexy when you know that your man isn't going to be too interested.. i didn't try to make any moves cause he seemed quite happy watching TV and going out for dinners.

i dont want to suggest room service and staying in cause he says that i have a tendency to tell him what to do.

at the end of the day. i have been rejected so much that Im not really that much attracted to him either.

It's very hurtful and demeaning when having to ask for sex and being
rejected over and over again.

If I were you, I'd talk to him and tell him that you cannot live without
physical interaction and part of being married is also having sexual
relations. If he's unwilling to do so, I would ask him for a trial separation.

You are too young to live without intimacy and sexual gratification.

I'm on the same wave as CJ. He just might not be in love you anymore, and you deserve to be loved and appreciated. Better to find out now than in 20 years from now. See what he says about counseling. Divorce sucks, but at least in this day and age it's acceptable and you get to have a new chance for love. Hope for the best, but be prepared for the worst.

I know what you all mean...
I'm young but I'm trapped.. he has all the money and the stable job. everything is in his name... i moved here because we're married but I am not legally able to work... so how the heck would i even separate?? I'm only 24 and i know i deserve more.

Consult a lawyer in your area, pink razor, he can give you some
valuabe advice regarding finances and future proceedings.

Do you have legal status in the United States? If so, you should
apply for a work permit at once.

Your husband sounds like a real fun guy! And he's just a hunk-a hunk-a burnin love! He's such a great catch I'm surpirsed gals ain't just kickin down the door!

Get rid of him while you still have your sanity!

I bet if pink razor was a guy not getting his fair share, you'd all be saying it's his fault for not making her feel special and wanted.

So what will happen if this guy just up and leaves you? You have to take some control and obtain the necessary paperwork while you're still married to stay and work (it's easier if you're married). Start trying to save some money for yourself, even if you have to hide it. It is never a good thing to be this dependent on the whims of another person. Maybe everything will fine and your relationship will be repaired, but I still think you need a back up plan that considers the worst.

Little bitterness there, coolwhip?

In fact I wouldn't be surprised if this dependency, especially if it's new, has something to do with your current problems. Perhaps your husband feels guilty, or perhaps he's turned on by strong, independent women (and neediness makes him anxious).

Or perhaps he's just not into someone yammering in his ear all the time to do this, do that, yada yada.

True dat.