Head games

I lived with someone like that 27 years ago and left him 4 times in 5 years... the last time was for good. It was either me and self-preservation or him and no self-esteem.

Just because it's your second marriage doesn't mean you should try harder or stay. That's a ridiculous reason, and I think you know it. You made a bad choice, and like squinney said, get on that sidewalk with her.

All the details can be worked out, one way or the other, sooner or later. It usually comes down to money, but I'm sure you have friends, and there are shelters out there, and you work, so come on... don't be fooled by excuses.

Decide if you want to leave and if you do, go. Go sooner rather than later. And don't be looking back. Move on.

He can go play his games with someone else. Good luck - it's tough, I know, but it will be way tougher and uglier if you stay.

Stella--

You aren't worthless--and the further you get from that abusive egomaniac, the more powerful and desirable you'll feel.

You can escape--you will escape.

To all of you who have helped me see the light........I have made the decision to end my marriage. It is going to take some time.....I need to aquire health insurance and get some financial things in order. I am seeing a therapist. And, I am rocking the boat........I am NOT backing down when he bullies me and I am asserting myself when he makes his nasty little comments about the things I love. He is NOT happy. It's going to get ugly. I've also seen my doctor, who is very supportive and I am on anti-anxiety medication. I'm going to regain my self esteem and learn to love myself again. I am a good person. I am caring and loving. I am fair and tolerant in my dealings with my fellow human beings. I don't deserve to be treated like a slave. He has been trying to erase me......................NO MORE. I'm going to heal and get better and leave his sorry sick ass so he can wallow in his misery all by himself.

One thing to consider is how you got to this point -- and what it means about how you might want to grow and change. A second marriage can be really difficult, yeah, but the "stuff" you bring along doesn't go away. Once you've established a pattern, it's tough to see it and tough to break it, particularly in intimate relationships.

One of the best books I know for how to approach, understand, and prevent abuse of any kind is You Don't Have to Take it Anymore, by Steven Stosny. It's worth every penny you pay for it, and then some.

Stella--

Good for you.

We're here if we can help.

Good luck.

I finally kicked him out. It wasn't easy. He threatened me.........I called the cops. And then I threatened him. I told him if he didn't get out and not come back that I would come down to the shop where he works and throw his perscription of viagra out in front of all the guys he works with. Needless to say, that was enough. He doesn't want all the guys to know what a phoney he is. I'm getting mean. I know. But I'M SICK OF IT. I'm so friggin' sick of being BULLIED.......I'm calling attorneys today. I'll probably have to go into debt to pay for the divorce which isn't going to help my financial situation....but I have to do it. I want OUT. I took my wedding ring off today. Life sucks

sounds like you made the right decision, stella. remember that it will be a while before you come to full terms with it all, months down the road you may be asking yourself questions that you don't think are related to this. remember, this wasn't about you, regardless of the fact that it required your complacency.

the one thing to watch out for is to never make the same decision again. you may find yourself drawn to other controlling people, that's going to be very subtle and you'll just have to learn to be more watchful of your actions and preferences. good luck, with time and attention you'll be fine.

oh and chai, yeah, kicky said (weeks ago) what i was thinking when i read that.

women with a little plump (whatever words you choose) are even better than women that are "merely hot" to begin with don't go telling people! everybody will want one.

Stella--

Good for you!

Wedding ring off, self-respect on!

Bullies don't like being bullied, do they?

Hold your dominion.