Head games

This is what you do stella....

The next time he gets all quiet like that, don't bother to ask him if anything is wrong. Don't even indicate you notice anything different.

It takes 2 to play games.

People like that get off on know they have the power to make someone else ask them what's wrong, "begging" them to open up.

Look at it this way...

He can give you the silent treatment for 2 weeks, and you can let it eat your lunch.

Or, he can give you the silent treatment for 2 weeks, and you can let him decide when he wants to grow up.

That's all I have to say about that.

It's really hard for me to do that...........I just want this marriage to work SO BAD. We have been married for a year and a half and he has always done things like this to me. I do everything for this marriage. I do all the house work and the yard work, plus I work 30 to 35 hours a week. But it's not enough. I can't spend my money on anything I want to because it can set him off again. He uses his affections as a weapon. If I do something he doesn't like he withdraws and ignores me. If he's happy with me he tells me he loves me.....if he's not he doesn't.

Next time he does it, threaten to withhold sex until he talks to you.

By the way, Chai, who is that unbelievable super-babe in your avatar? Wow. Stunning. I'm getting wood just looking at that picture.

That was me about 14 years ago.

I look pretty much the same now, only fatter.


I've got another shot of me at around that age over on the picture gallery thread....along with Mr. Tea when he was in his early 20's.

He looks like some sexy pychopathic axe murderer. I get hot just thinking about it.

Oh my god. You're fat now too? My dream come true is what you are! Too bad you're married and probably not into repugnant pig-like men with no tact or class. We coulda had something real special.

Whaddaya mean "fat now too?"

what else am I too?

You better talk or I'll punch you right in the throat.

Stella--

Welcome to A2K.



You don't like the way your husband withholds his love as punishment. You want him to change. You're tired of the game.

BUT..............

You don't want to change. You just want the marriage to work your way.

Chai is right. It takes Two to Tango. You married this guy knowing that he liked making you abase yourself and jump through emotional hoops. You played his games.

Now you don't want to do this any more, You want him to change--unilaterally--so you don't have to play the games that you tacitly agreed to.

Marriages don't work like that.

You and your husband have a problem communicating. Counselling would help here. Perhaps he figured out his games all by himself--perhaps they were games his parents played.

If he doesn't want to go, go yourself. You need to figure out why you thought that a wedding ring was worth being bullied and why you've put up with the bullying as long as you have.

Why is it so important that this marriage works?

I'm not going to talk to kicky for 2 weeks because he called me fat too

I don't care about being fat.

I just don't like thinking about what else I am too

kicky, you blew it, it could have been be-you-T-full.

I'm fine


Nothing wrong at all


Just fine

I mean that you're such a hottie in that picture that I thought you couldn't possibly get any more hot, and then you go and tell me that you've fattened up as well, making you, in my eyes, even more incredibly hot. Chunky asses and curvy bodies are sexy as hell.

for the record, miss tea is not fat, and still quite a hottie.

be happy kicky... be verrrrrrrry happy

Stella, what you describe has a name. It's called emotional abuse.

Types of Emotional Abuse

Abusive Expectations

* The other person places unreasonable demands on you and wants you to put everything else aside to tend to their needs.
* It could be a demand for constant attention, or a requirement that you spend all your free time with the person.
* But no matter how much you give, it's never enough.
* You are subjected to constant criticism, and you are constantly berated because you don't fulfill all this person's needs...


Read more here or google emotional abuse for more information, links, support groups. If you allow your husband to keep behaving this way, eventually you'll be stripped of any self confidence, feeling of self worth, independence... It doesn't have to be that way. I bet you don't feel happy when your husband plays games. You can be happy. It's a choice, choice with consequences.

oh....ok then.

shewolf is one fine sexy biotch too.

I'm going to go eat a big mac.

They go straight to my ass.

My husband gets angry because I vote and am interested in politics.....he thinks it's stupid. I like to watch football because my son goes to a big ten university and I like to follow the team.......that pisses him off because he thinks that's stupid too. If we spend money it's only spent on things for us or things for him. If I spend money on me it makes him angry. As long as I keep things smooth for him then the marriage is good. Yes, I see that it is as much my fault as it is his because I've been stupid enough to put up with it. I hate myself for that. I am so unhappy I have wished at times I was dead. Thank God my children love me....and my dogs too.....I want this marriage to work because it's my second one and to tell you the truth....I love my husband. I don't know why I do. That's probably wrong too.......he's a prick. Sometimes I wish he would drop off the face of this planet. If I could go back in time I would never have agreed to go on that first date with him........

Stella--

You can't erase the past, but you can choose your future.

Make an appointment with a counsellor. Would you rather be single and happy or married and miserable?

I know you are all right when you say he is abusive and I know that I need to get out. It's not going to be something I can do quickly. I need to make some financial decisions. I'm going to have problems in that area. It will be worth it. I read up on emotional abuse and just about everything fits. He has taken everything I love and made a mockery of all of it. Everything that makes me happy is 'stupid'. I hate myself for letting this happen. I'll never trust another person with my heart again that's for sure.............

Stella - You aren't likely to "get this" right now, but hopefully one day soon you will.

HE didn't do anything that YOU didn't allow.

He can't make a mockery of everything you love without you letting him do so. What if you had taken a "Screw you" attitude when he said something about you watching football?

When he complained about you spending money on something for yourself, what if you responded with "Hey, I work, too. If I want to buy something for myself knowing it's not going to break the bank, I will."

Having said that, saying you hate yourself for allowing this to happen is not productive. You're reinforcing his attitude that you are worthless. YOU ARE NOT WORTHLESS!!!

Come on, girlfriend. Pick yourself up and dust off. I've got a nice sidewalk here you can join me on that leads to new beginnings. A little sidetrack here and there in life is perfectly normal. Start standing up for yourself, gaining confidence, knowing you are worthy.

Spill it out here and we'll help you through.

Here, I'll simplify matters...

If someone is obviously playing "head games" with you... run away... far FAR away!

It means that person has mental problems that probably can't be fixed.

He didn't start out this way. He was VERY charming in the beginning. And he still is.......as long as everything is going his way. He really changed alot after we were married. That's when the nasty comments about my hobbies and interests started. It's almost like he thought that the marriage licence was going to erase me and everything I love and replace it with everything and only things that he approved of. It has been a subtle but deliberate crushing of ME. I'm really beginning to hate him. Thank you all for listening. I am feeling so bad about my life and myself. It helps to vent and get advice.