Should I ask for my daughter or no ?

EAngel, I am sorry that you do not have the support of your community. There have been accidents like this close to us and one was a friend of my son. The neighbors were very helpful to that family even when it was his fault. They understood that he is young and that young people make mistakes when they learn to drive. I am sorry that you are not having that experience where you are.

I do not mean to sound like my teenagers but Sometimes people suck.

As a parent we want to do what is best for our children and we make sacrifices for them that sometimes they do not ever know about. Keep doing what you think is right for your daughter. I will try to thinkof some more things you might be able to do.

EAngel, I think that people generally (generally) react to tragedy in one of three ways.

1.) Could it have been prevented? If the answer is "yes," they feel more able to draw a line between what happened and their own lives, "Well, I'm careful, and pay a lot for insurance, and work hard to make sure my kids get the kind of driver's education they need and so this wouldn't happen to us." (Not saying they're justified in thinking that, just outlining a possible thought process.)

2.) Was it difficult or impossible for the victim(s) to prevent? If so -- if it's a random tragedy like the Minneapolis bridge collapse, then people aren't as easily able to draw that line. "I drive over bridges all the time! I don't know if they're safe or not but it's not my job, I trust my government to take care of it! Those poor people!"

3.) Generalized indifference. Some people don't care if it's 1 or 3, they're just wrapped up in their own problems and don't have time or mental energy to worry about other people's problems.

I'd guess that most people who are saying negative things to you are in the first category, and that your relative inability to get donations is has something to do with the second category. It sounds like you are in fact getting some donations though... keep doing what you're doing, and good luck.

Re: Should I ask for my daughter or no ?


I would be asking for money, were I in your position. And when people said what they have been saying to you, I'd respond: yes, I made a bad decision, and so did my daughter, and we are paying for it. We have definitely learned a huge lesson, one that'll likely teach us over and over again for the rest of our lives. However. Right now, though, there is this child....

I'm sorry I do not have practical suggestions on how to mobilize goodwill/sympathy/donations on a large scale. I just wanted to stop by to say that I do feel for you, EAngel. I cannot imagine anything worse than having a broken child, and no resources to mend them.

Did you say that you do have car insurance? They should cover something regardless of fault if I'm not mistaken.

In general I'm sympathetic. Many parts of this country are very spread out and if a young person is to get themselves from place to place it usually means they have to drive. And many families don't have the option of one parent acting as full time chauffeur.

Have you googled for organizations that do plastic and reconstructive surgery on a charity basis? I've seen more than a few tv shows with this as the premise on A&E and TLC channels.

But to answer your actual question, I'm partial to sozobe's answer. People won't relate to your daughter because they believe that they can prevent it from happening to them and theirs. Add to that the fact that we are a very judgmental society, perhaps so that we won't have to relate too much to others' suffering. You do what you have to do for your daughter and don't worry about what people say.

You never can assume that this won't happen to you or a family member.
However, I never would let my child drive without health or car insurance,
and if I don't have the funds to supply that, she won't drive.

It all comes down to your own responsibility, and the action you have
to take.

Not necessarily; depends on the policy and the state.

CJ, she had health insurance, and I think she also had car insurance, but probably not the primo policies. If you can afford those, consider yourself fortunate. As someone who has dealt with a $5,000. deductible on health insurance for years, and knowing insurance companies tend to spat with providers over whether their prices are too high and set limits on various treatments and that the 'insured' can soak that up, I can see our poster and/or child having gigantic bills. You have to get into catastropic amounts, and I don't remember what those limits are, for some of the insurances to take the load.

I've been whapped by the amounts left to pay myself, with relatively inexpensive surgeries.

I think there may be some answers out there for our poster's daughter re help with further surgeries, which sound vital to me, but I don't know enough to point the way myself. FreeDuck's post sounded useful to me.