Adventure 2 Know - Story-a-long the A2K way

.....big dark asteroid!"

Luckily, it was not solid but gaseous. "Cyberwaste from Abuzz," explained jespah.

"Oh. So that's what happened to Abuzz," said Mame. "People talk about it as if it were something special."

"It was special!" exclaimed Slappy. He ejected himself from the rocketship and disappeared into the dark, gaseous cloud.

Onyxelle took over the controls and landed the others into more pleasant terrain: A2K Is 5 Years Old!

The asteroid turned out to be a huge birthday cake.

"Chocolate!" yelled all of the women.

"We will never have to buy choccies for them again." said dadpad.

"Jewelry, on the other hand ..." said mumpad.

"You're not off the hook." said ehBeth, grabbing a piece with a rose. "Who knew an asteroid could be so tasty?"

"Of course, when the universe was formed by the Big Bang, the first main ingredient was creamy nougat." began Setanta. "What? Oh, all right. I'll take a piece. None for the dogs, of course."

roger hooked up his bicycle to the controls. "We won't stay in shape any other way." he said, and began to pedal.

Meanwhile, ...

...back at the capybara ranch/swamp, gus was lying up to his neck in 'medicinal' mud daydreaming about CalamityJane... how he would love to go to San Francisco to meet her and give her the biggest, swampiest hug he could. Of course, he frowned, Francis would be there and it was obvious from what she'd said, "...I booked my flight already and a car - unrefundable! So I am there! I will not pass the opportunity to finally meet Francis." that she had eyes for another, so he'd be left with only the guys, Mame and his beer to cry into. No, he couldn't compete with Sir Francis.

Despondently, he idly swished the mud with his left hand, jolting when he encountered something rather ...

scaly. He started to pull it to the surface and was jolted when he realized it was the Loch Ness Monster. "Nessie, what are you doing here?"

"I'm on vacation. Can't a gal go on a singles vacation without everyone asking?" sniffed Nessie.

"Are you lonesome tonight, dear?" asked gus.

"Y-yes." sighed the eighteen foot tall, twenty foot long throw back brachiosaur, in a lovely Scottish accent. "B-but I pine for another."

"What is it about that durn Francis?! He gets all the good wimmins!" exclaimed gus.

"N-no, it's another. It's ....

Kickycan! I've been wanting to go to a concert for the longest time and I heard he had tickets but he never even considered me as a date!" she sobbed miserably, shaking her scaly head sadly to and fro. A large tear rolled down her rather ugly face and plopped noisily into the swamp.

"What is it with us? D'ya think it has sumpin to do with this smelly swamp we're allus hangin' about in?" asked gus as he scratched his rather large and unappealing head, disturbing a host of lice.

Before Nessie could answer, CalamityJane appeared over the horizon. Gus shook his rather large and unappealing head to clear the cobwebs from it (one flew off and hit Nessie on the nose) and sat up with a jerk. "Lookity there! It's my woman!" he exclaimed happily. "Yoo Hoo! CJ! Darlin'! Over here!!" He began to clamber out of the swamp but a thick root had curled itself rather tightly around his left leg and he couldn't free himself. "CJ! Honeybun!" he yelled, desperately looking for his Swiss Army knife. The root took a firmer hold on gus' leg and slowly began to drag him under the surface.

CalamityJane turned in their direction, sniffed once rather loudly, then turned on her heel and went East. "No, No, go West, young woman, go West!" ventured Nessie.

"I AM going West, you nosy, scaly old thing", retorted CJ, "I'm off to San Francisco to meet Francis!" "No, you're going in the wrong direction!" cried Nessie.

"Ack!" cried gus, "let her go... burble, burble...maybe she'll never find him" as he slowly sank beneath the grotty water.

Just then Linkat and GreenWitch strolled calmly to the edge of the swamp with a large capybara and a rope. "We'll save you, gus!" they announced. "We're here to save the day!" And they coiled the rope into a lasso and threw it around gus' large and rather unappealing head, which was all that remained above the slimy water. With a mighty tug, gus slithered out of the swamp onto the bank, the root still firmly attached to his leg.

"Linkat, Greenwitch, the two of you rescued Gus!" said Onyxelle. "Can you do the same for Slappy? He disappeared into a cloud of cyberwaste."

"I thought this was all about littlek," said wandeljw.

"First we need to make sure Gus is okay," said Greenwitch.

"I think I need mouth to mouth." said gus, pretending to lapse into a coma.

"I'll save you!" cried Nessie. "I have a soft spot for capybara farmers, even though my heart belongs to kicky." Nessie attempted to grab gus but Linkat and Greenwitch held fast. Nessie got a boot. The moment the boot came off, the swamp was filled with a miasma. Well, more of a miasma than usual. Was it a miasma? THat's unclear, but it sure was stinky.

Nessie took the boot and reached in, then whatever she got out of it, she dabbed behind each ear. "kicky's gonna love this!"

"Uh, Nessie." said wandeljw hesitantly. "kicky only likes girls with drapes."

"Is that some kind of euphemism?" asked Nessie.

"No, he really means drapes." said dag.

"I-I can't sew. Not with my big scaly arms. Well, dammit, if I can't have kicky, nobody can!" roared Nessie.

Everyone ran back into the rocket. "One. Chance. Just. One. Chance." said Intrepid.

"Yeesh, you're not really Captain Kirk!" said sozobe.

"Well, yeah, but I thought it would be fun." said Intrepid.

"Seat belts, everyone!" yelled Onyxelle as the rocket once again took to the sky, barely eluding Nessie's scaly grasp.

Gus came to slowly, a voluptuous female filling his red-hazed eyes. "Mame, Mame", he moaned. "Yes, it's me, you darling capybara farmer, you", she breathed softly into his good ear. Oh wait, that ear belonged to Francis.

"Here I am! Your charming French man!" trilled Francis, eyes twinkling.

"Everybody seatbelted?" belted out Onyxelle? "We're going through a worm hole!"

"We're at my swamp already?" asked Gus, confused.

"We're shipshape back here!" barked Gorgeous Georgeob1. "Man the tiller and hold 'er steady!"

"Hold on! We're accelerating at 12 warp speed and we'll be hitting the sound barrier in a minute, passing the lunar eclipse on the starboard side in about 20 seconds! Everyone hold tight!" cried Onyxelle. "I'm having trouble with the steam vapour in the thingamajig."

"Here I am, to the rescue", sang H20Man.

"Outta my way", yelled Gary Slusser, "I've got the right Fleck doo-dad to fix this problem and I ain't selling nothing."

Osso nodded gently at all concerned as she gently nodded off. "Time for a nap!", declared JPB. "Who's joining me?"

I am, murmured Osso, starting to loll about. Or. lol about. No, no, never lol.

Osso looked at JPB and said...

Lolling can have repercussions that require cushioning, even.. pillows.

Loling doesn't work in the queen's english.

Or does it?

"Never mind all that nonsense now!" cried Onyxelle. "I've got my hands full steering this ship and one of my fingers seems to be stuck in Francis' ear!"

"Ooohhh la la, dat feels so good!" whimpered Francis. "A leetle deeper, if you please."

CJ came striding in from the anterior of the ship dragging Gorgeous George by one ear. "What's all this about ears?" she demanded through her red lips.

"Francis" winced Gorgeous George happily, "you're right, it feels heavenly! Oh how I love strong German women."

The Silver Bullet (yes, this ship had a name) wobbled slightly for a moment then straightened out and shot

.. past Jupiter.

Jupiter, Florida, that is. Phoenix looked down, "Hey, I can see my house from here! You kids, get off my lawn!"

Dang, her hair really is blue, thought Gargamel. "Hey, baby, once you've had pitcher, you'll never go back."

"Pitcher? Did someone want photography?" asked boomerang. She and shewolf ran and got their stuff. littlek fished a camera out of her bag.

"Okay, everybody say 'cheese'!" commanded boomerang.

"Capybara!" everyone yelled, as the flash went off.

Temporarily blinded, they didn't notice that The Silver Bullet was headed straight for ...

... Cheesehead Central, a wasteland for Green Bay Packers fans.

"Let's not go there," said sublime. "That place is even scarier than Gus's swamp."

Occom Bill was about to pounce on sublime for that remark, but JPB and sozobe quickly stepped between the two overzealous football fanatics.

"Maybe now we can get back to searching for Slappy," Onyxelle reminded everyone.

"Well, let's start looking here", suggested jespah. "I'm sure this is one of the clubs he belongs to."



Just then, proving her right, Slappy Doo Doo came walking jauntily through the door. "Hey, guys! Let's get some grub! I'm famished."

"Okay, how about this place?" suggested Phoenix. "I've heard it's Belly Good!"

"We should all be wearing belly shirts." offered Eva.

"No, no Bella shirts. Bella Dea shirts, to be precise." said shewolf.

At the mention of her name, Bella appeared, with Baby Bella in tow. "Hey, I missed you guys, but the baby is very, well, let's just say there's a lot of poop. A lot of great stuff, to be sure, and she already knows how to create a MySpace page and everything, but, well, you know how new motherhood is and all."

Everyone nodded. "Wait, maybe we could harness the poop for something." suggested rosborne.

"Yes, I've got just the thing!" exclaimed Slappy. "It's the poopmobile! Here, just load a, um, loaded diaper in here and we should be ready to go."

"I just so happen to have one." said Bella. "Er, everyone, hold your noses."

"I have some, er, doggie bags." said BBB. "Dolly and Madison were, um, you know."

"Load 'em up!" said Slappy. He closed the tank and fired up the engine.

"Smells a little like Nestlé's formula and Alpo." said Chumly cautiously. "What kind of MPD do you get?"

"What's MPD?" asked dagmaraka.

"Miles per diaperful." explained contrex. "And no, it doesn't sound any better in Latin."

"You know, if we really wanna open this baby up on the open road," said BPB, "there's only one place where we can go to get the really good fuel." He paused.

"And? Where is that?" asked Diane.

"Congress."

"To DC!" yelled dys. "I'll take the Porsche, you guys take the poopmobile and anyone who doesn't fit can take the rocket."

"To DC!" everyone yelled.

No one noticed the shadowy figure getting into a compartment just beneath the poop tank, stowing away ...

a capybara along with him. "Hmmm" snorted gus, "the best poop on the planet is in my swamp. If I just reach up here and toggle this Fleck 5600 relay to the right just a tad, re-set the quadrangles to connect with the poop-o-lever, adjust the warp speed to MPD, recalibrate my GPS coordinates to go back in time 1/0000/second, we'll be at my place in no time!" and he snickered evilly. He heard the hatch click shut behind him and he snickered evilly some more.

Outside on the sidewalk, a crowd was gathering.

"Look, Mummy, it's an aeroplane up in the sky!" said Ya-ya to DrewDad.

"I'm Dad, not Mom, sweetie."

"Uh yah. I Keetah!" said Keetah. "Look at all the poopies!"

Sure enough, the poopmobile was polluting. Soon the air was filled with the vague scent of Alpo and Nestle's formula. lezzles strapped on rollerblades and a gas mask. She attached a tether to the poopmobile and got behind it. "I'm ready for some street skiing!" she exclaimed.

DrewDad covered his daughters' eyes. "Uh, hon, that's nothing, nothing to see there. Even if it does look like fun."

"You should wear a helmet, Miss Australia Lady." said Ya-ya, handing a pink one to lezzles.

"Yes, yes of course. You know the wheel was invented but Soo San but the rollerblade was invented by Reyn. Or maybe it was dlowan?"

Setanta leaned out the window of the poopmobile. "In 1814, the Russian ambassador to Sweden invented the rollerblade. And the Swedish meatball."

"What about Ikea?" yelled Francis.

"That arose spontaneously." said dadpad.

"Aha! I knew there was no proof for evolution!" exclaimed spendius and gungasnake together.

"We're running out of poop!" yelled Gargamel.

"Quick, Bella, feed the baby some farina!" suggested sakhi.

"Or Cream of Wheat." said Noddy.

"Or a burrito." said Ogionik. "What? I like burritos."

"Do I smell capybara?" asked Montana.

"Or is that capybara poop?" asked Intrepid.

"There's a difference?" asked margo.

"Well, uh, " began H2OMan. "Aw, wait, dangit, the valve's clogged. I'll have to check it. Otherwise, without softened water, the poopmobile won't be able to light up its fusion reactor."

He got outside to check under the hood when suddenly ...

Francis (aka The Ear) arose out of the mists of time and confronted the group. "I am a well-known secret agent spy for the now-defunct French Surete and I have it on top secret classified never-to-be-repeated-or-sworn-to authority that you have a capybara farmer in your poopmobile. I demand immediate access to double-check this information, for which we paid many, many Euros. I am not known as "The Ear" for nothing, you know!" And with a Gallic flourish, he flashed a handful of cards and badges at the crowd and minced towards the rear end of the vehicle, his ear cocked rather heavily to one side.

Speaking of the rear end of the vehicle, a sudden loud and long gaseous noise emitted, followed by a huge sigh of contentment.

"Ah, now I KNOW that he is here, that dirty leetle farmer! cried The Ear.

"And then he let out a loud fart like a thunderclap." read Noddy from The Canterbury Tales.

"That sentence should be, 'And then he let out a loud fart much like a thunderclap.'" corrected Roberta.

"Really? Is that correct English?" asked Yoong Liat.

Everyone watched as Francis (AKA The Ear) removed the fetid gus from his hiding place. The capybara once more breathed the sweet air of freedom, and booked outta there.

"This town ain't big enough for the both of us!" yelled Blaise Daley.

"Yeah!" agreed gus. "I challenge you to a fart-off!"

"Yes! Dueling sulphurous emissions in two minutes!" yelled Blaise.

Everyone set to work in the A2K Kitchen. Pretty soon, the masterpiece emerged. "Now, normally, it's a three-bean salad." explained BBB, "But since you need, er, atomic fuel, it's a twenty-seven bean salad."

"A three-cubed bean salad?" asked Ticomaya.

"No. Beans are kind of bean-shaped. They don't come in cubes." explained msolga.

"Better eat fast, kid." Setanta directed Blaise. "'Cause the farmer's just about ready to rock and roll."

"I-I don't think I can watch." said Eva, who burst into tears.

"Honey, that's not the first sense I think of when contemplating a fart-off." soothed Panzade.

"I just hope no one strikes a match." said ossobucco.

"Is this contest really necessary?" asked Phoenix. "We already know Gus has a problem."

"His real problem is heartbreak," said a sympathetic Montana. "Gus was never able to marry his true sweetheart because of the laws against it."

"Forget that," said Slappy. "I want to see who wins!"

"Carry on," commanded jespah.