Aggressive, yes. Passive, no.
He seems to be threatening all kinds of things, then placating you with cheap car repairs and offering to put your daughter into a good school (something he should be doing as her father, anyway).
In the meantime, you're stuck, or you think you're stuck, and he's certainly doing nothing to disabuse you of that notion.
But plenty of people in the world have lived on less money or needed to put their child in day care or put off schooling or only go at nights or borrow from their families or get a loan or even seek public assistance, in order to not live a life like the one you're leading.
As for the child custody thing, don't let someone threaten you with a lawsuit. If you are the primary caregiver, you are going to be favored for custody, regardless of your marital status. But if you provide your state, more specific advice can be provided for you. In any event, if you are short on cash, you can try a
pro bono attorney, or one you can pay on a sliding scale. Check with your local bar association because child custody is
not something you just want to leave to chance.
In the meantime, line up your ducks and see how you can get out of this. Why? Because it's toxic. Because even if he never lifts a hand to you or your daughter, his words and his actions are still doing damage. Because you deserve a better life, and because your daughter deserves to grow up knowing that not all men are like this and that Mom doesn't have to take it for the sake of a free oil change and music lessons.
How do you line up your ducks? A few ideas in random order:
- Line up legal services, even if all that happens is you find out that you don't qualify for free legal help, at least you'll know. Plus, this is your child we're talking about: if you are the custodial parent you will very likely qualify for child care compensation. Make the call.
- Check out housing in the area. Apartments are cheaper if you have a roommate.
- Contact family, friends, anyone who can help with some money or a place to stay, even briefly. You may need a little transition time between where you are and your next place, plus it's emotional support.
- Speaking of emotional support, consider counseling. It can also be free or close to free for those who qualify. Work through what may be esteem issues.
- Contact the nursing school and find out what taking a leave of absence entails. Be upfront about your situation and I guarantee you that the vast majority of schools will be extremely sympathetic and may do things like: hold your place in class, or find a way to make tuition less expensive, or cut your school schedule so that you can work, or find you child care or give you work on campus, etc. But they will not know of your situation unless you tell them.
- Look into getting a loan. If you have good credit, you may be able to borrow money until you get on your feet.
- If you cannot borrow money, look into social services. This is the last resort safety net and yes, you are entitled to use it just like anyone else in your state. Better to take welfare and be free from psychological and verbal nastiness than to sit and take it.
You are worth more than this. I know that inertia can be hard to overcome and that it's easier to stay; it's the path of least resistance. But it's not right.
You are worth more than this.
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