Don 't Take $$ From Strangers ??

Mame wrote:

I think you guys are over-reacting here a bit. The guy dropped the money in the kid's lap and LEFT the bus.
Doesn't sound like there's any ominous or nefarious reasoning behind it.

Chai wrote:

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Sure, maybe not in this instance.

But, the child has picked up on the fact that a complete stranger gave him money.

The kid might even know intellectually not to talk to strangers,
but "wow, this guy just gave me money and walked away!"
Could make it easier on someone else next time saying to him...
"here's $5.00. Come over here and talk to me."

Well, that 'd be bad grammar.
He shud say: " Here R $5 "

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Better safe than sorry.

That is the reason that I began carrying a .38 revolver when I was 8.

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What's really bothersome also is, what IF this man who gave him the money
was totally innocent and just thought he was doing something nice...
well sir, you are an idiot.
There's been lots of times I wanted to talk to a little kid,
but didn't because I don't want to encourage a child to be friendly with a stranger.

I am reminded of a time when I was walking into a Red Lobster Restaurant on Long Island
from its parking lot. I saw a boy of around 10, apparently wholesome, middle class, walking in near me.
The palm and fingers of his left hand were very black with dirt.
He stared at his hand, then brought it toward his mouth.

I got the idea that he was going to lick his hand.
I was shocked and horrified;
for an instant, I felt an intense motivation
to shout: " NO; don 't do that ",
but I restrained myself on the grounds that I have no right to order him around
( nor any person of any age ).

I deferred to his right to live his life as he saw fit,
tho I was thoroughly appalled.


He DID what I feared that he 'd do: GROSS, FOUL n repugnant.
I hope he did not get sick.

AGREE ? DISAGREE ? Was I right to keep my mouth shut ?

David

Chai wrote:

There's been lots of times I wanted to talk to a little kid,
but didn't because I don't want to encourage a child to be friendly with a stranger.
If a parent is there, I'll talk to them, then after a while address the child,
after the parents have sent the signals that I'm a safe enough stranger to
talk to AS LONG AS the parents are there.

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This seems a bit of an overreaction to me.. or I dunno, perhaps
I find it a little sad/scary that its gotten to this.

I mean, kids walk around. You're in a cafe or a restaurant or in the zoo or whatever,
a kid whatever age is gonna walk up to another table or whatever
and just smile at someone, or say something or whatever.

Would be a bit odd to ostensibly ignore the kid then, wouldnt it?
Seems fairly normal to smile back or say something back

During the entirety of my life,
as a child, adult, and old man, I have never discriminated
with social communication. In public, I very seldom spoke to anyone
of any age; just minded my own business, UNLESS
I needed information, e.g. directions.
For that purpose the very best to speak to are the police.
Thay r very well informed as to the lay of the land.
When thay r not around, I 'll speak to anyone around,
of either sex or of any age. I have never cared about that.

Out of politeness, I have always answered any stranger of any age
who chose to address me, regardless of whether his relatives r around.

As far as social conversation is concerned,
we shud not lose sight of Freedom of Speech.
There r no limits of age, sex, nor anything else on that.

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to just ignore the child
until and before you've already made sure to talk with the parents for some time etc seems a bit unnatural.

Ignoring anyone who has addressed u,
on the basis of his age 'd be rude, and unnecessary.

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if that in turn leads to people distrusting any stranger
even smiling at their kid or something, that's a pity in itself.

TRUST, is another issue entirely.
I do not recommend that anyone TRUST anyone else, regardless of age,
but it is possible and desirable to be COURTEOUS to people whom u don 't trust.
I don 't trust anyone, but I am polite to everyone.
Age is not a factor in that.

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In this case of the stranger dropping money, I dunno.
Strikes me as a highly odd gesture, and a definite social faux pas
(if I were the parent I think I'd be insulted, like: what, do we look like
we're skint or something?).
I'd probably just pocket the symbolic cash,
or perhaps give it to the driver, and then take my child aside and remind him
to never accept money or sweets or the like from total strangers.

I 'm sure that the driver 'd be grateful for it.
( He 'd NOT say " do I look like I 'm skint or something?
I 'm assuming that " skint " means poverty-stricken. )
Indeed, a cab driver 'd be OFFENDED if u failed to do that.

However, u might have a fight on your hands
from your victim, defending his newly acquired property,
and accusing u of attempted robbery.
David

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I'm curious as to how the title of this thread came about.

However many eons ago,
my mother ( with whom I had a superb rapport )
told me not to accept money from strangers.
I told her that I rejected her advice on that point.
It proved to be moot, since no stranger ever offered me any money. *

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After the mysterious stranger got off the bus did the guardian of the child
try to call out to him or immediately begin lecturing the child
by saying "We don't take money from strangers"?

No.
She remained silent.
I am not certain of whether thay were travelling together,
or whether thay knew one another.

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Did she take the money away from the boy? What?

No.
He put the cash in his pocket.

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As to the hand licking boy I agree that you were right to stay out of it.

Thank u.



*
I do remember one exception,
in that I ended up in a park in Phoenix, Arizona,
when I was 9 years old, when something odd occurred.

Someone in my neighborhood chose to organize a baseball game
among his son and the other kids in the area. I declined his invitation,
explaining that I had no interest in baseball. He asked me what I liked.
I mentioned boating, gunnery practice, and fishing.

He talked me into accompanying them to Encanto Park,
saying that we might do OTHER things, including those,
after thay finished their baseball. He drove.

To cure my boredom, while waiting them out,
I rented a rowboat for a short time,
but grew tired & a little hungry around evening.
I said " screw this " found a fone booth and called a cab,
to go to a restaurant, the Green Gables, as I remember,
singular for its Medieval archetecture with a parking attendant
mounted on a white horse, dressed in shining armor,
who used to point to parking spaces with his long lance; continental cuisine.
Good desserts. I don 't believe that it is in business any more.


Anyway, I was seated at a picnic table, near the parking lot,
awaiting my taxi, when an elderly man leaning heavily on a cane
approached me, put a dime and a nickle in front of me
on the picnic table, and tottered away.

I remember it being very strange,
and thinking: " what the hell is THAT ?
What does he expect me to do with a nickel and a dime ?? "

It seemed like a pointless gesture.
Perhaps his old age was seized with dementia.

That was the only time that a stranger ever gave me any cash.

David, I love it when you type like that.

<adjusts collar>

Oh David. Everything you write just leaves me truly speechless.
I guess you've always marched to the beat of a different drummer, haven't you?

happycat wrote:

Oh David. Everything you write just leaves me truly speechless.
I guess you've always marched to the beat of a different drummer, haven't you?

Yes; a libertarian, hedonistically musical drummer, Happycat.


Meow !


David

ebrown_p wrote:

If a stranger hands me $5 and then leaves never to be seen again... I have a hard time seeing how this hurts anyone.

I repeat....it's setting the stage for the child to think it's acceptable to accept money from a stranger, perhaps when the parents aren't around, and perhaps when the stranger wants to give more than money.

When it comes to a childs safety, I am in no way ashamed to say I will error on the side of caution every single time.

In fact, you're saying that you feel some here are over-reacting is the same thing a "bad" guy might say to a parent, or to a child, or to a, let's say woman who is alone somewhere.

(please don't take this that I'm meaning that about you ebrown, this is just an example..'k?)

I've been in situations, and I'm sure other woman have (and men perhaps) where I've been approached in some way by a stranger, or even someone I know, and been offered "help" or conversation when, if you were to look at the particular situation, it was not a good time to offer this random kindness.

There have been times when I've been uncomfortable enough with the situation (i.e., the man not responding to normal hints) where I've had to say basically, "Leave me alone"

What happens then is....(a) they leave you alone (perhaps they mean bad intent and see you're not an easy target...if they meant no bad intent, they either finally realized they were overstepping their bounds, or maybe had their feelings slightly hurt, and complied.

(a) is really what you are hoping for. Sometimes (b) happens. That is that they either mildly, or sometimes quite forcefull say "I was JUST trying to be nice!"
When they say this, my gut tells me odds are they are not nice at all. A "nice" person, while confused by being confused by being told to leave someone alone, won't continue his efforts.

when (b) happens, they are trying to engage you in conversation....at this point the woman may think..."oh, I don't want to be mean...I'll just talk to him" which is what the man is hoping for.

If the woman chooses to ignore him (but keeping her eyes peeled) or reinforces her stance....the vast majority of the time, comes the parting shot. This consists of a muttered, or loudly said "Bitch" or something indicating how cold you are.

That's either to make a last ditch effort to try to make the woman show she isn't a bitch....or to put a doubt in her mind as to the appropriateness of her cruelity to this perfectly nice guy.

see..."bad men" don't stop when the child looks unsure of what to do, or when the the woman is fearful she isn't being nice.

If I had a child, I wouldn't mind at all if they came across to a stranger as overly cautious. I would love it if I observed them clearly saying "NO!"

Molesters don't give up, and children need to learn their strength from you. They must know they are doing the right thing, even when someone is trying to make them think they are wrong.

Does this make this a sad world? I have no idea. But if it keeps a child from getting raped, that's fine.

Your child won't become bitter, they will become smart and confident in their decisions.

Mame wrote:

Out of protection, they get driven everywhere and because they aren't allowed to run around with their friends, they sit inside and watch tv and play on the computer... then we wonder why they're obese.

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I am saying that children do need to be taught to be skeptical.

If the child comes across to the world with the personality and tools that
say...."don't try to trick me....I'm not going to fall for that....
I'll scream and yell if you try anything", they will be fine.

ABsolutely, yes. WELL SAID.

That shud begin at the earliest age
and continue thru one 's full life.

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When children are running around playing in the neighborhood,
or in a park, without their parent....there is really no reason why an adult
should be wanted to start a conversation with them.

When I'm walking my neighborhood and pass a child alone,
the most I will do is say "Hi" and keep walking...an acknowledgement of
their existance, but not getting in their life.

I usually just mind my own business
and say nothing, unless the other person addresses me first,
or
unless I need some information.

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A while back, looking ahead down the road, I saw a gang of boys....like 7 or 8 years old, maybe 5 of them...doing what boys do...poking something in the gutter with a stick. When I passed them, I did ask what they had found....and said "wow" when they told me...but they were in a group, and there's safety in numbers.

When I see a child in a restaurant of other public place where you would not normally see a child alone, well their parents are with them.

To be honest, I have a thing about kids wandering around a restaurant...they belong in their seats. I know, I'm sooooooooo mean.

Really, ask yourself...why would a stranger want to say more than "Hi" to a kid who is playing in the neighborhood, not a parent in sight?

Well, I remember in 1971, I was running around an artificial lake on
Long Island, for weight loss, when I encountered 2 boys ( maybe 12 years old )
in the surrounding tall grass.
Their PLAY consisted of hanging a large turtle from a tree, by his neck.

I challenged them.
Thay explained that he was already dead
before thay decided to hang him.

I proceeded with my running.

Chai wrote:

Your child won't become bitter, they will become smart and confident in their decisions.

Well, thats the question, isnt it?

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I mean, bottom line: there's a very small chance of something very, very bad happening to a child.

For that reason, when I was 8,
I armed myself with a 2 inch .38 caliber revolver;
some years later, upgraded to a .44 special,
loaded with hollowpoints, with W-I-D-E cavities,
the best in stopping power that I know of ( other than bulky shoulder weapons ).
I never actually needed it,
but, as Chai said: " its better to be safe than sorry. "
My mother used to say that too.

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I, too, like Mame, played outside, wandered about and explored by myself a lot, as an eight year old, a ten year old, a twelve year old. I found my own way from school to home. My friend and I went on adventures in the plot of unused land around the football stadium. And we LEARNED a lot - learned, already at that age, a lot about independence, about exploration, and we learned by having the freedom to roam.

Yes.
I did too, with my friend, David, mostly.
He had a war surplus .45 caliber 1911 automatic pistol.

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Now you have the risk of a generation being raised never having roamed and explored by their own until reaching adolescence, with parents hovering over or about them throughout. And then that is exactly the question: will they really "become smart and confident in their decisions" that way?

Seems counterintuitive to me... I'd guess they're more likely to become dependent and insecure in their decisions, not having come around to properly learning to fend for themselves until they're almost out of the home, always used to having mommy there to protect them and cater for them, not having experienced that they can just go out on a limb by themselves and do perfectly OK -
or even get into trouble and still be OK!

Hopefully, one is sufficiently well prepared for it.
David

(sigh)

I guess you haven't gotten the meaning of my posts.

oh well.....

Chai wrote:

Really, ask yourself...
why would a stranger want to say more than "Hi"
to a kid who is playing in the neighborhood,
not a parent in sight?

Oh, I would never myself spontaneously strike up contact with a child, parents or no parents. Just the other way around - children wander, they will come up to you and grin or say something or, I dunno, whatever.. you're in a coffeeshop/house or something, kids will interact. I'd say there's no harm in grinning back, or doing a peek-a-boo or something, or saying something back, while meanwhile or shortly after seeking eye contact with the parents and smiling or saying something so as to signal hey it's cool.

I dont think you have to ignore the child until you've succeeded to talk to the parents for long enough.. thats all I was responding to in your initial post, really, seemed a bit stark, a bit of a disconnect with how things play out in reality.

Mind you, I dont think you and Mame and I are far apart, really, we're just placing the emphasis a little differently.

Chai wrote:

(sigh)

I guess you haven't gotten the meaning of my posts.

oh well.....

You mean that some people continue to disagree with your posts.

People 'get' what you're saying. Some agree with your perspective and conclusions. Others disagree.